Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains

[derek stitt]

A Menachem  Begin cum tribute is sold on eBay

[PlanktonSideburns]

A shitty little donkey is abandoned somewhere

can't remember where or how it came about

[Pingers]

"How much for a facial, love?" asks John of the young Romanian woman. "£50" she replies, as John unzips. As he feels her mouth envelop him his mind casts back to years before, before the accident, the terrible burns and the facial disfigurement. To his first and only girlfriend. What was her name? So preoccupied is John that he doesn't notice his semen sail over the woman's head, some splashing the teddy bear on the bed, the rest dripping off the plastic flowers on the bedside table. What was her name?

[derek stitt]

All our rooms  are equipped with a lava lamp and a swastika flag as standard.

[Ferris]

After an unfortunate series of events at the mortuary, the remains of Compo whizz down a hill in a bathtub.

[BlodwynPig]

After an unfortunate series of events at the mortuary, the remains of Compo whizz down a hill in a bathtub.

Save it for the desolation 'compo' or you'll end up dry in the next round

[Ferris]

Save it for the desolation 'compo' or you'll end up dry in the next round

I'm an endless deso-fountain. This well will never run dry.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A horse greedily tucks into a sausage and ham bap... But then drinks from a contaminated water source...and falls into a storm drain...and shits itself...and isn't a horse but a man called Terry who oversees a prison for rats.

[dex]

A horse greedily tucks into a sausage and ham bap... But then drinks from a contaminated water source...and falls into a storm drain...and shits itself...and isn't a horse but a man called Terry who oversees a prison for rats.

Bo Rat Horseman!

[:(]

A lawyer loses a KOM on Strava and punches his kid.

[dex]

Terrence tries to live up the old days whilst at the gym. Loads 150KG onto a barbell and attempts a squat in front of the mirror. A mirror image of a pig staring at the sun contortment of a face as well as the ignoimity of a full on prolapse as well as everyone on the exercise bikes watching still makes it slightly arousing for him. " Still got it" Terrence thinks to himself before collapsing into a shart heap of his own guts.

[Gregory Torso]

Carla hurls another Irish setter onto the dog fire.

[Fishfinger]

An asteroid bearing the seeds of new life annihilates Voyager 1 in a chance collision. After passing millennia, the rock's new trajectory takes it into the gravitational pull of a glowering sun, where it immolates in a firestorm of total futility.

[Pingers]

A child's first word is "whore"

[Ferris]

A child's last word is "whore"

[BlodwynPig]

A child's last word is "whore"

as in "Son, it's your 18th birthday tomorrow, what present can I get you?"

[Ferris]

as in "Son, it's your 18th birthday tomorrow, what present can I get you?"

It is open to so many interpretations.

[Pingers]

This is how I know my place on CaB: I come up with something and inevitably someone improves on it.

[dex]

A hand written letter from your Nan opens with the words "Bitch, please."

[Rocket Surgery]

Incredible Funeral Plan Sweeps Batley

[Glebe]

A calf gets flipped down a wind tunnel. It bounces and hops through a drain-tube, wedging in a sludge grid and bleating like mad.

[Cuellar]

Harry Potter cock ring

[Gregory Torso]

Chris Packham goes into witness protection, to a house where the songbirds in his garden scream ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS ANUS all day, to a strict 4/4 rhythm.

[Glebe]

Geoff Boycott bowls a googly straight into a worried hen's flipping face. The hen pecks itself senseless, worrying a local child who fucks a clog at a waiting policeperson.

[Cuellar]

Geoff Boycott was a medium pacer.

[Glebe]

A fishwife tosses a rare, signed Superman comic into the bin with a scowl.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Pendleford Securities Centre totally arse up some securities like some shite securities wankers

[PlanktonSideburns]

Qualifications

Memes
Quick scoping
Your mum

[Gregory Torso]

An egg versus a crab, Wednesday 1 p.m., back room of The Ship, £10 minimum bet.

[Gregory Torso]

A slightly overweight woman starts a new fitness regime, accidentally starts a new shitness regime instead and ends up daubing "septic cow wank" over her neighbour's paraplegic greyhound.