Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains

[dex]

A nonce wins £20 on a fruity.

[A Car With No Doors]

During his only nursing home visit of the year, a 16 year old asks his grandfather if he's heard of No Fap November

[BlodwynPig]

Kate McCann congas the night away at a drug-fuelled nazi themed paedophile orgy.

It's not that Kate McCann, though.

[derek stitt]

An egg versus a crab, Wednesday 1 p.m., back room of The Ship, £10 minimum bet.

Please place this in the advertisement coloum of your local rag.

[dex]

Please place this in the advertisement coloum of your local rag.

Brilliant. Better still write the offer on the back of a yellowed card in a newsagent's window.

[Bronzy]

Watching Clyde lose to Edinburgh City on penalties in the Betfred Cup group stage at Broadwood Stadium in Cumbernauld.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Real life desolation  (copyright new jack 2018)

a man makes a small box about the size of a jewelry box out of a larger cardboard box, writes the phrase

'Sentient puddle'

And hands it to one work colleague who throws it hard into another collegues face

The entire exchange happens in near silence, only a distant radio playing bonjovi's Living on a Prayer

[Cuellar]

Jobcentre staff do Harry Potter theme for Halloween.

"Sanctio Totalis Benefitentiae!"

Interactive 'Marauder's Map' showing nearest food bank.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Viscount Percy is hoist by his own retard

[the midnight watch baboon]

Ahead of his big date with Leann Grimes and fearful of a lack of ice-breaking zingers, young Gimmy craftily manufactures a talking point by spending sixty hours pulverizing handfuls of locusts and the occasional sparrow.

[PlanktonSideburns]

A tenpenny throbbber is stuffed into a quagmire of his own design

[Glebe]

Jamie Oliver stuffs a duck full of orange peels to make a canard a la peels.

[BlodwynPig]

Real life desolation  (copyright new jack 2018)

a man makes a small box about the size of a jewelry box out of a larger cardboard box, writes the phrase

'Sentient puddle'

And hands it to one work colleague who throws it hard into another collegues face

The entire exchange happens in near silence, only a distant radio playing bonjovi's Living on a Prayer

The result of school night drinking?

[PlanktonSideburns]

The result of school night drinking?

Tehehehe don't tell DH

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

PM Dawn builds an asteroid belt from his own bogeys

[Glebe]

Level 42 play a UKIP benefit in Exeter. In an exclusive interview afterwards, Mark Whatsisname tells The West Country Conservative, "That was the best pop concert we ever played. I had to hold back the tears, I was that moved. And my popping and slapping techniques were in top form, even if I do say so myself! Here here, England! Here here!"

[:(]

PM Dawn builds an asteroid belt from his own bogeys

Come on getting silly now. Laughed though.

[Pingers]

The years of reckless borrowing have caught up with Chris. Profligate and wasteful, the creditors have lost patience and soon he will lose everything. In the build up to the bankruptcy and mortgage repossession he hoards his antidepressant tablets and on the day he is declared insolvent he swallows them all down. "Still" notes the coroner "at least he finally managed to save up".

[Glebe]

A pterodactyl swoops down on a chartered accountant, nicking his bowler and grazing his cheek with his prehistoric talon!

[Rocket Surgery]

That 24-hour off-license? FUCKING CLOSED, ISN'T IT.

Wankers.

[Twit 2]

Louise Woodward's biggest fan commits 'etcha-sketch end of the kiddie'.

[Fishfinger]

Viscount Percy is hoist by his own retard

Viscous Percy is trapped in an empty gruel-bowl by a starving urchin, and supped to death over three long weeks.

[the midnight watch baboon]

A glum goose mourns her stolen egg by sitting on a cracked Asda light bulb.

[Fishfinger]

A bespoke telesales solution causes cancer in a three mile radius.

[Rocket Surgery]

I mean, it's reached a point when you can actually hear the slugs moving around.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A crestfallen stenographer sweeps his trees of weasel dynasties into the bin.

[Rocket Surgery]

Why do flies have to bleed like that?

[Rocket Surgery]

My burps taste a lot more like Twiglets than they have any business doing at this stage of the week.

[New Jack]

Pixies songs tagged with Explicit Lyrics

[BlodwynPig]

A crestfallen stenographer sweeps his trees of weasel dynasties into the bin.

10/10