Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains

[Sebastian Cobb]

^ i only found out the other week Jonathan Cainer carked it.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

6ft 7 of gannet fodder tries to pay for Fruity Machine with ibuprofen.

[derek stitt]

A terrorist sulks because he gets two suicide vests for his birthday and he doesn't like being forced to share his gifts with his brother.

[Foggy Buntwhistle]

A knot of worms is swallowed in gulps, heaving in between. Dinner at nan's.

[Gregory Torso]

A child wearing a Cex tote bag as a cape kicks a pigeon's head along a main road.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

An animal rights activist reads all four of these threads in one sitting, alternating between vomiting and laughter.

Not so bad I hear you cry. Well, this activist is also a member of the National Front.

[dex]

Sting puts his foot through his plasma screen tele after watching the latest John Lewis advert. "CUNTS! CUUUUUUUUNNNNNNTTTTSSSS!"

[Spoon of Ploff]

For Sale: Sexy Ebola Nurse Cosplay Costume. Only worn once. £34 ono

[dex]

Don't ask why I got to this site, its real life deso pure and simple: https://www.michaelgove.com/

** shudders **

[Twit 2]

Salman Rushdie publishes part two of his autobiography, entitled 'Joesph Bumpton: Queer up the Bum in the Time of AIDS Death'

[Bazooka]

Jeffrey Dahmer gets the high score on the coconut shy at the school fete.

[Fishfinger]

2020, and the national dish is cobweb and chips.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A man spends 3 years inventing Georgian alphabetti spaghetti
A მან სფენდს 3 yეარს ინვენთინგ Gეორგიან ალფჰაბეთთი სფაღეთთი

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A stolen circus chimp makes out with a turkey escalope

[Noonling]

a dog eats a baby and its burp smells of breast milk

[Cuellar]

Tied to a bed and hobbled by Angela Leadsom

[Bazooka]

Anthea Turner throws up a great TV pitch as she plays with action figures from the 1995 classic film Congo.

[Bazooka]

An ant sits poised on a dusty sideboard watching You've Been Framed on a CRT TV, it only laughs at the cats falling into fish tanks as it decays.

[Gregory Torso]

Angela Lansbury batters you to death with her typewriter, which is heavily dented and studded with human teeth, as Hetty Wainthrop watches, vigorously investigating her gusset.

[Gregory Torso]

Ray Mears changes his name by deed poll to Raymond White Settler and goes scampering along the Trail of Tears.

[pancreas]

'This port is ... quite strange.'
'Oh, sorry, that's menstrual blood.'

[derek stitt]

You decide to use your penis as a piggy bank. Your cock is full after only one pence is added.


Your girlfriend decides to use her vagina as a piggy bank, she pays for the deposit on the flat from the money saved.

It is a shared love of bitumen that keeps you together.

[Gregory Torso]

You find a pound coin at the bus stop but it's one of the old ones - oh no! - so you throw it up the drivers CUNT

[PlanktonSideburns]

Was about to shitpost this is the total SKIING ACCIDENT of a racist football thread, but it appears georgie admin has kindly taken it round the back and put a bullet in it, so I'll shit it here:

Wacky new laws mean that every professional football team must have one retired photocopier repairman on every team for balance.

Camera occasionally pans to out of shape human doubled over, look of anguish. Waves weakly at his worried looking partner and grandchild in the audience - he's got lung conditions, why won't they substitute him, he's dying!

This thread is dog aids by the way, thanks

That last bit was aimed at the football thread, not dezo

[Fishfinger]

Friday, 11pm, and the weekly Night Staff vs Burns Unit Patients five-a-side results in another spectacular triumph.

[pancreas]

The Prevent strategy reaches its apotheosis as napalm is deployed against a Catford Oxfam.

[Captain Poodle Basher]

Two real-life desolations from earlier this week.

First: A meathead with two sycophantic sidekicks walking along the street. They pass the doorway of a closed down shop which contains the bedding of a homeless person, sans the actual homeless person. Meathead goes over and stamps his foot on the bedding while spouting "Imagine if you did that to the fucker ha ha ha!" to which his sidekicks agree with him that this would be the most hilarious thing ever.

Second: Two teenaged girls on the bus. One is telling her friend that she has been offered a job but that her boyfriend is insisting that she turns it down as "He doesn't want me working as he wants me to stay at home with him all the time like we do now."

[Gregory Torso]

Second: Two teenaged girls on the bus. One is telling her friend that she has been offered a job but that her boyfriend is insisting that she turns it down as "He doesn't want me working as he wants me to stay at home with him all the time like we do now."

That actually sounds quite sweet.

[BlodwynPig]

That actually sounds quite sweet.

are you the boyfriend? *calls police*

[Gregory Torso]

are you the boyfriend? *calls police*

She refuses the wage, and stays in the cage.