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Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, April 16, 2018, 01:49:39 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
"no thanks" the reply. She's heard it a thousand times before. Doesn't matter how sexy she feels. "No thanks", and back to football manager he goes.

red wine fog. stumbling through the drizzle. concentrating on just walking, staying upright, forward motion. twizzle into a gutter. that'll do.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Owls, barn owls, toads and witches.

Demons, goblins and devils,

spirits of the misty vales.

Crows, salamanders and witches,

charms of the folk healer(ess).

Rotten pierced canes,

home of worms and vermin.

Wisps of the Holy Company,

evil eye, black witchcraft,

scent of the dead, thunder and lightning.

Howl of the dog, omen of death,

maws of the satyr and foot of the rabbit.

Sinful tongue of the bad woman

married to an old man.

Satan and Beelzebub's Inferno,

fire of the burning corpses,

mutilated bodies of the indecent ones,

farts of the asses of doom,

bellow of the enraged sea.

Useless belly of the unmarried woman,

speech of the cats in heat,

dirty turf of the wicked born goat.

With this bellows I will pump

the flames of this fire

which looks like that from Hell,

and witches will flee,

straddling their brooms,

going to bathe in the beach

of the thick sands.

Hear! Hear the roars

of those that cannot

stop burning in the firewater,

becoming so purified.

And when this beverage

goes down our throats,

we will get free of the evil

of our soul and of any charm.

Forces of air, earth, sea and fire,

to you I make this call:

if it's true that you have more power

than people,

here and now, make the spirits

of the friends who are outside,

take part with us in this Brexit

BlodwynPig

An old hag is cast out by the Hexen sisterhood after she becomes bald because of Brexit.

Twit 2

Chris fucks his dad when he (dad) isn't looking and claims it wasn't him (Chris).

derek stitt

A Nazi paedophile plays the victim card

Chollis

Barry Scott assures a Barnardo's helpline operator that he will kill again

Shoulders?-Stomach!

After a dull day in Driffield, Cervantes Ascunsion Nascimento Da Silva scores a home run with a ball of blu-tak and his erect penis.

Cuellar

Cause of death: Rimming James Bolam

Fishfinger

A be-masked Gove sneaks into a leisure centre, and inhales his five-a-day of smells with a straw.

Noonling

Quote from: Foggy Buntwhistle on November 26, 2018, 03:42:22 PM
Ovlbad son of Ovblad hangs himself with dried seaweed from the ships mast.

I just came to post thank you. Thank you for remembering Ovlbad son of Ovblad.

Pingers

The government unveils its long awaited strategy for recycling and re-using tyres. They are to be used to necklace environmental protesters.

Spoon of Ploff

A desperate shaman drinks two liters of magic mushroom chomping yak's piss. His vision of Bez from the Happy Mondays searching for a lost lottery ticket fails to impress the tribal elders.


Shoulders?-Stomach!

There are developments in how developmentally retarded Carol is, the developments being that she is more developmentally retarded than the initial "scans" showed. Also they discovered on Wednesday she emits a weird gas capable of striking fear into the hearts of optometrists.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A goat with the words "SPAKKA '18" daubed on it frolics through a retirement village for thalidomide victims.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A ship made of guts and arse sinks during its maiden voyage, costing the tax payer "10-15 years in austerity".

Shoulders?-Stomach!

It's a long way to Tipperary, yes, but even more so now you've been gunned to the size of an ant by Barry's experimental piss gas gun.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

#2537
"How Orwellian", sneers a fresher at seeing a destitute alcoholic helped into a police van. Later Valerie from Devonshire halls comes around his for Netflix and suck-off time. All goes to plan except a slight snag when she rapes him to death.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Gary of The English hides under netting after very bad betting

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Graham loses his sling during a quarrel but this won't stop him driving his HGV one-handed to Arbroath and paying to watch trafficked children fight to the death. The spread they put on is "world class", he reckons, mid-Wotsit. World Class.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A stooge of the underworld inherits a badly carved toad. He has no use for the toad but still allows it a 25% holding share in his failing travel agency. He pushes a peeled dog egg off a rostrum and baulks.

Russell Grant assembles a makeshift advent calendar out of a huge sheet of plaster board and twenty four 200g bars of Dairy Milk.

Gregory Torso

Due to a small route planning error an entire child beauty pageant is redirected into a paedophile's mouth.

Gregory Torso

A local council wiccan spams a message board for wanked-on foster children with requests for "NUDEZ PLS"

Gregory Torso

Bryan Adams, your hero, silhouetted against a burning department of work and pensions, flogs his stepdad's wilted corkscrew cock in time with the throbbing cyst in the middle of his acorn brain.

batwings

At an auction in a mason's garage, an amateur necromancer is outbid on the map to Savile's grave.

Thatcher's ghost languishes in a broken wardrobe.

An overworked network admin, who self-identifies as an otter, gets mauled by a pack of Bloodhounds on his birthday.

Twit 2

"And this will be your class: 'Absolute Noncing'," chirps a headteacher at the new child. "Make sure you wear a tight belt!"

Fishfinger

The Apprentice 2019 audition 'process' includes a Voight-Kampff test. Until everyone fails.

Vodka Margarine

A young boy's crayon design for a 'Super Dylan' costume dissolves in cat piss.

Fishfinger

The Ross brothers maintain eye contact throughout the whole ordeal.