Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains

[Fishfinger]

"I don't want to join the choir, Father. I can't sing." "That's... not a problem."

[Twit 2]

Brown's friends and family had warned her against Belafonte, an American film producer who already had previous. In 2003, he pleaded no contest to a charge of battery against his former partner, estate agent Nicole Contreras. He also has convictions for theft and vandalism, and admitted to beating a duck to death with a brick.

[Fishfinger]

A winter wasp expires an inch from the summit of its tiny Everest.

[Fishfinger]

A homeless descendant of cattle thieves burrows into a decaying dog for Christmas. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Fucking hell

[Twit 2]

He was only a twist of a sausage away from being a broken commodity.

[Twit 2]

Paul Simon wins a retrospective MOBO for 'niggerous behaviour'.

[BlodwynPig]

Double-ended explosive emissions as Norovirus invades a Santa's Grotto in Halifax. One of the elves busies himself shoving Tampax (one of Santa's presents) into the kiddies' orifices. The final nail in the coffin for Intu Properties Ltd.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

An allegation of sexual harassment is settled for "a tenner"

[Ferris]

John Major's Christmas card list.

[Vodka Margarine]

A moderately well rendered chalk hopscotch grid finds itself overwhelmed with litres of tepid broth.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Glenda Jackson loses her consignment of tennis balls with swear words written on them, but finds her bespoke battleship game based on different sized glanses.

[derek stitt]

A highly vicarious Rod Stewart fan commits suicide by injesting far too much semen.

[Berthas Fat Leg]

A gangrenous old colonel puts his cock through the wrong slot.

Meanwhile in Nuneaton, a bad penny turns up.

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

At a morbidly obese man's funeral, mourners nod in appreciation at the eulogy opening line "He had a big heart.." without realising that it's merely a reference to the cause of the deceased's death.

[Foggy Buntwhistle]

The coven refuse Nigel entry based on his cock.

[Twit 2]

At a morbidly obese man's funeral, mourners nod in appreciation at the eulogy opening line "He had a big heart.." without realising that it's merely a reference to the cause of the deceased's death.

https://youtu.be/jrFU5wyd_C0

[Spoon of Ploff]

A Krypton Factor champion fails to pick out his assailant in a police lineup.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Will and Lyra find that the kingdom of heaven is a provincial Waitrose.

[derek stitt]

True desolation... Just about to settle into a nice wank when your schizophrenic friend calls saying they are having a 'bad evening'.

Always there for a mate but, by my balls don't half ache.

[Ferris]

The warm squodge of your left foot going in to a full dog turd.

That'll take a few days to rinse off. Wiping on the grass will be ineffective.

[Ferris]

A smirking Gervais sketches out the plot points of the expanded Derek universe.

[Fishfinger]

Urban explorers sneak into your house, but soon leave, citing health concerns.

[Fishfinger]

Turned away from an all-day breakfast at 8:32am for having dirty eyes.

[Fishfinger]

Also 10:13am.

[BlodwynPig]

The warm squodge of your left foot going in to a full dog turd.

That'll take a few days to rinse off. Wiping on the grass will be ineffective.

You trail it all over your new plush white carpet when infant child manically insists on playing budget Nintendo.

[Twit 2]

The parlous state of a priest's arsehole is the point of departure for his sermons.

[Twit 2]

A witless grubber descends into berkdom.

[Fishfinger]

3:47pm. "Again, sir... no."

[Fishfinger]

Hartlepool, and a blackfaced Greggs 'character' is mistaken for a French spy and hanged.