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Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, April 16, 2018, 01:49:39 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

poo

"Weston-super-Mare's No.1 Harry Potter fan" auto-sods in front of Loose Women.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

While peering down to grab the jumbo sausage from his tray, the battered article develops a face and voice and shouts back DEEE YA WANNA FOCKIN GO???

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A man haunted by an anthropomorphised jumbo sausage ties a brick to his leg.

The original thought was to drown himself but now he is weighed down even further as his batter-strewn assailant stalks his existence.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A man calls his jumbo sausage stalker Grendy

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Old 'shoes for gloves' is out on the gloam again. Third night running. A forgotten After Eight melts in his taint.

Spoon of Ploff

Bill's discovery of a half eaten packet of 2008 Hobnobs in a shoe box, under some water stained paperbacks, is considered the win of 2019.


Shoulders?-Stomach!

I like those "Barratt Homes" says Emily

Spoon of Ploff

Ruth goes into the attic to discover her collection of early Stereolab albums have been nibbled to fuck by bastard squirrels.

Cuellar

A PornHub search for "Alex Salmond" yields 2 results.

Fishfinger

Quote from: Cuellar on January 08, 2019, 06:24:40 PM
A PornHub search for "Alex Salmond" yields 2 results.

Both 'tributes'.

Pingers

John Leslie puts you in a dress and hurts you.

PlanktonSideburns

Real life one:

Talking to someone in work today, as he was speaking, one of his teeth fell out.
  He didn't notice, carried on talking.
    Alarmed, I pointed at the floor, and without interrupting his speech, he waived a little 'dont
      worry about it' gesture, he picked the tooth up, walked over to the bin, put it in the bin,
        carried on talking

dex


Sucks the juice out of the bottom of the food bin with a paper straw. Then recycles the straw.

Pingers

At the fat orgy, people are forced to make a human rope ladder over your massive bulk so they can get to someone they actually want to fuck.

derek stitt

True desolation - a special needs kid got into my mates car and did a shit. The kid then smeared the shit all over the inside of the car. The parents tried to laughter it off (to get out of the paying a cleaning bill) then threatened my mate with the police when he continued to reason with them about paying to clean the car.



Cuellar

A piece of erotic Ken Hom fan fiction wins the Nobel Prize

Pingers

Piers Morgan pays "good money" (sic) to get a suck job off a trafficked nail bar technician while slapping her about with a pork chop, then shouts at her that she's a "PC-infested Feminazi" when she refuses to swallow.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

To his eternal chagrin, a large gammon joint saves the life of a very politically active young leftist.

Gammons - not so bad now eh, his Dad says

Shut up Adolf

Cuellar

At a critical moment you get a strap on in the eye

Pingers

Quote from: Cuellar on January 10, 2019, 08:45:42 PM
At a critical moment you get a strap on in the eye

Traces a thin line of your own watery shit across to your ear

touchingcloth

Quote from: Cuellar on January 10, 2019, 06:33:21 PM
A piece of erotic Ken Hom fan fiction wins the Nobel Prize

The Peace Prize.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

At the awards ceremony

Nick Nolte: Is Ken Hom short for Kenneth Homosexual?
Ken Hom: No Nick it is not
Nick Nolte: Oh. Well here is your award then, bye

dex

Quote from: Pingers on January 10, 2019, 08:01:30 PM
Piers Morgan pays "good money" (sic) to get a suck job off a trafficked nail bar technician while slapping her about with a pork chop, then shouts at her that she's a "PC-infested Feminazi" when she refuses to swallow.

Surely she'd be a PM-infected Feminazi? Likely it was Piers who bought over the super gonorrhea from Thailand.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A spelt wholesaler prays to a defiled Bart Simpson clock

Fishfinger

Jarvis from Pulp looks 90 and has claws now.


Fishfinger

A glance in the mirror suggests you look like a 3rd phase Bloodborne boss all covered in blood and shite, but it's probably the bulb needs replacing, yeah that'll do it.

Ferris

Quote from: Fishfinger on January 11, 2019, 03:27:36 PM
Jarvis from Pulp looks 90 and has claws now.


His massive glasses and ironic "grandad" clothes become less ironic every year. He looks very unwell.

Fishfinger

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on January 11, 2019, 03:37:00 PM
His massive glasses and ironic "grandad" clothes become less ironic every year. He looks very unwell.

Yeah, I'm horrified. It's like a Mark E Smith cosplay that's gone too far.

Dannyhood91

A waste of space moaning about circumcision in a field