Author Topic: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains  (Read 68191 times)

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #60 on: April 18, 2018, 06:52:51 PM »
An arse can't even be bothered to shit.

Twit 2

  • Cyclone par l'immobile habité
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #61 on: April 18, 2018, 09:59:24 PM »
A park bench carrying the engraving


"R.I.P

Gavin Denton

'Battered Sausage + Peas Wrapped Up'

1978-2018'


Is given a wipe down with an axe

+2 karma

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Baldness exposure gust
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #62 on: April 18, 2018, 10:55:39 PM »
The shit birthed at the same time as her first born son actually attracts more attention.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #63 on: April 18, 2018, 11:31:21 PM »
A cock can't even be bothered to cum.

Dannyhood91

  • I thought you said KING AAARTHUUUR!
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #64 on: April 19, 2018, 12:06:18 PM »
A coffee cup full of water, vinegar and cum.

Down the hatch, it’s good for ya.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Baldness exposure gust
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #65 on: April 19, 2018, 01:52:42 PM »
A family leans in to hear a dying matriarchs final words

"L....l...lynch the blacks and ...l...lez....lezzers"

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #66 on: April 19, 2018, 05:22:16 PM »
A man's eyes start to glaze over half way through the second paragraph on the Abyssal Plain Wikipedia page.

Dr Syntax Head

  • Empty alcohol
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #67 on: April 19, 2018, 06:08:56 PM »
Paddy has a breakdown on Take me out. "Let the barbed cock see the dripping quim" he screams before taking a vintage revolver belonging to his grandad and taking out 6 of the contestants. This is Sunday morning and it's all in his head as he cries into his cornflakes. "Why am I this way?" he weeps. "I could've been a Corden". He is alone.

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #68 on: April 19, 2018, 06:46:16 PM »
Bloke fucks a Dr Marten.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #69 on: April 19, 2018, 08:25:58 PM »
A man's eyes start to glaze over half way through the second paragraph on the Abyssal Plain Wikipedia page.

From that moment on, Prof. Barry Ruddick, the foremost expert in abyssal plain oceanography, is constantly mocked by junior postdocs and former colleagues, who call him an "Abyssopelagic" (in the pub, at the conferences, down the telephone line, in his dreams).

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #70 on: April 19, 2018, 08:27:22 PM »
An anxious man dreams that he has hair again. Except the fulsome hair is growing into his eyeballs. A few days later he develops pink eye. (True story).

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #71 on: April 19, 2018, 09:05:24 PM »
An anxious man dreams that he has hair again. Except the fulsome hair is growing into his eyeballs. A few days later he develops pink eye. (True story).

*shudders*

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Baldness exposure gust
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #72 on: April 19, 2018, 09:10:51 PM »
An anxious man dreams that he has hair again. Except the fulsome hair is growing into his eyeballs. A few days later he develops pink eye. (True story).

Fuck sake

Dr Syntax Head

  • Empty alcohol
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #73 on: April 19, 2018, 09:22:02 PM »
An anxious man dreams that he has hair again. Except the fulsome hair is growing into his eyeballs. A few days later he develops pink eye. (True story).

It was you wasn't it Blodders. It was your dream. It was your nightmare.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #74 on: April 19, 2018, 09:25:21 PM »
It was you wasn't it Blodders. It was your dream. It was your nightmare.

It was. But I didn't want to do a dream thread cos they are shit. Has anyone ever done a horror story/film about hair growing into eyeballs because it was disquieting. Last night (not night of dream) I woke and touched my closed eye and a spark of intense pain shot through it and I still have the pain now and a migraine. THAT'S WHERE MY HAIR WENT

Dannyhood91

  • I thought you said KING AAARTHUUUR!
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #75 on: April 19, 2018, 09:54:24 PM »
A baby opens its mouth to cry but nothing comes out except a Flo Rida remix of the Emmerdale theme tune.

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #76 on: April 20, 2018, 08:08:36 AM »
A botfly refuses to lay eggs in Harold's skin as it is too rank.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #77 on: April 20, 2018, 09:56:06 AM »
A librarian entertains herself by badly forging authors'  signatures on books in the erotic fiction section.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Baldness exposure gust
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #78 on: April 20, 2018, 12:43:31 PM »
A wheelwright wins a DVD

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #79 on: April 20, 2018, 12:52:53 PM »
An agoraphobic woman stages her own episode of Come Dine With Me with manikins instead of people and still doesn't win.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Baldness exposure gust
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #80 on: April 20, 2018, 12:56:47 PM »
A gleeful cherub, bouncing and jolly 53 years later is coined THE LONDIS PAEDO.

SteveDave

  • My LPs are still for sale in all good record shops
    • BUY BUY BUY
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #81 on: April 20, 2018, 01:43:27 PM »
Greg celebrates the fact it's Friday by watching his favourite film "Joy" starring Jennifer Lawrence for the 7th time. He really loves this film and has it on Blu-Ray as well as DVD despite not having a Blu-Ray player. 

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #82 on: April 20, 2018, 02:35:24 PM »
A hedgehog explodes in a bonfire, taking dad's face off.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #83 on: April 20, 2018, 02:42:24 PM »
A pub landlord's ring tone is a screaming donkey's bray, reminds him of the good days.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #84 on: April 20, 2018, 02:56:02 PM »
A wrinkly headmaster metamorphosis's into a 13 foot woodlouse during the schools sports day, only to be smashed to bits by some local louts.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #85 on: April 20, 2018, 03:23:03 PM »
A war memorial is raped by a bitter virgin.

ollyboro

  • More pussy than Sinatra
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #86 on: April 20, 2018, 03:30:19 PM »
Following his double orchidectomy, Clive starts crying when his son asks for some marbles.

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #87 on: April 20, 2018, 07:04:15 PM »
A midget tests all the seat belts of the cars on sale at an auction.


BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #88 on: April 20, 2018, 08:45:10 PM »
"Hello?"

...

"Hello? Who is this?"

...

"Hello? Is there anybody there?"

...

"Hello? I can't hear you"

"Goodbye"

He doesn't even own a telephone.

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #89 on: April 20, 2018, 08:52:23 PM »
The cast and crew of BBCs Robot Wars are released into the wild. "Theyz lux so 'appy" muses James the games keeper "buh wi wintah commin I dontz hold out muj 'ope"