Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains

[Ferris]

A giant turd consumes Bristol.

[Dannyhood91]

Wrapping your dick round the dogs gnashers.

[Bazooka]

A security guards ankles decimate into bits of bone and gristle after standing in the same spot for three weeks.

[Gregory Torso]

A disillusioned magician's assistant chucks her tits in a skip.

[Gregory Torso]

The Midlands goes off the grid.

[Gregory Torso]

Tattoo of a skeleton fucking a gannet.

[Spoon of Ploff]

A sniffer dog is made redundant because of 'those damn bees.'

[dex]

Poo globs become legal tender in Southampton.

[Ferris]

A rat-lothario admires himself in an oil slick before committing unspeakable acts on innocent mice.

[Ferris]

After weeks of trying, Terrence manages to complete "the full Bristol scale" in a week - a family record!

[Ferris]

Sepp Blatter, Michel Platini and Diego Maradona shake hands, order another half-pound of foie grass and two more bottles of champagne.

They laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Paul The Arse Goblin pours caustic soda down a "Secondary Arse Goblin".

[Dannyhood91]

Hugely influential pedophile

[poo]

A bearded ginger pauses a game of Unreal Tournament to Skype-in to his father's funeral.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The inventor of Tough Mudder is found knee deep in sick with a hard on

[Glebe]

Nigel Havers buys a Tim Westwood best-of compilation in order to "seem hip with the youths."

[dex]

Tim Westwood.

[Spoon of Ploff]

a charity marathon runner expires in his Rhino suit.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Davina McCall miscarries during a Tough Mudder

"We go again"

[Bazooka]

An old rascal cums inside a tip jar.

[pancreas]

An ailing restaurant starts selling zits.

[Twit 2]

In the opening seconds of the contest, a nervous Tough Mudder contestant dies of undiagnosed hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. At the funeral the attendees shit over his corpse and clothing then mash him into the base of a tree. It's what he would have wanted, they sigh. It's what he would have wanted.

[derek stitt]

The last item on your bucket list, have a wank in a rocking chair on a porch or veranda.

An evil mountaineers eternal torment in hell, is a perpetual case of diarrhoea that always leaves a stain in the shape of the north face of an alpine peak  he never manage to conquer.

Seeing ,again,  the true colours of a group of 'respectable members of the community' after they have had a few on a hot day.

Marrowfat peas

[Gregory Torso]

Tim Westwood.

Tim Westwood practices saying "urban pirate material" into a tape recorder to see if he sounds like a cool guy. He is 60 years old.

[Gregory Torso]

An obese man whose hands are so slippery with the savlon he has to apply to his chapped raw inner thighs that he can't get the bottle of finlandia vodka open that he needs to finish before his horrible wife gets back from her hair appointment.

[Dannyhood91]

A 400lb moron chases after moth on his tricycle.

[BlodwynPig]

The "another day" finally arrives at Fraggle Rock.

[Spoon of Ploff]

In a drunken stupor Bob Smilez eats his vintage King George VI and Queen Elizabeth commemorative half pint glass.

[Glebe]

Cardi B sells a food mixer she just bought because the plastic has a weird, almost 'farty' smell off it. Listed in Exchange & Mart, £60 O.N.O.

[spamwangler]

A giant turd consumes Bristol.