Author Topic: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains  (Read 49336 times)

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Got to be getting his head on that for me Gary
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« on: April 16, 2018, 01:49:39 PM »
Desolation III: https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,58360.0.html



Maude tuts as a disabled man is allowed to board a bus ahead of her.

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2018, 01:53:40 PM »
A start up VPN allows too much questionable access for Mitch.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Got to be getting his head on that for me Gary
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2018, 02:00:55 PM »
A mortgage broker must spend an afternoon dredging tapeworms from his anus, all the while watching £8,000s worth of business drift away to a competitor. Yes, watching. He has visual access to the retail unit across the street via a slat.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2018, 02:07:16 PM »
"Daaad, Gramps has done another whoopsie."

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Got to be getting his head on that for me Gary
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2018, 02:11:44 PM »
A death largely results from a confusing latch.

SteveDave

  • Buy my new LP out now!
    • BUY BUY BUY
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2018, 03:23:20 PM »
Roy Wood proudly declares himself lactose intolerant to his three cats: Baby, Jive and Seemy.

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2018, 03:31:32 PM »
Simon returns home to find his mum has taken all his Steeley Dan albums to her local charity shop because 'they were taking up too much space in the living room.'

Gregory Torso

  • sun of the vermin wind
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2018, 03:38:04 PM »
A tiny dogshit effigy of Jacob Rees-Mogg turns out to be the only thing of any value on the Scunthorpe edition of Antiques Roadshow.

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2018, 04:23:40 PM »
Andrew lives for the day when he gets to inherit a lathe from the school workshop whilst renovations go on. Fat chance of that. The cancer has spread too fast and to vastly for him to last the week.

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2018, 05:30:53 PM »
Dane Bowers opens a Greggs branch in Milton Keynes.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #10 on: April 16, 2018, 05:35:04 PM »
Simon returns home to find his mum has taken all his Steeley Dan albums to her local charity shop because 'they were taking up too much space in the living room.'
Starts humming "The Things I Miss the Most". PS. See avatar

spamwangler

  • fay bentos
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #11 on: April 16, 2018, 05:45:23 PM »
Where are we going dad?

'Beachy head. Hush now'


Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #12 on: April 16, 2018, 05:46:37 PM »
A bloated boy makes a friend in an escaped convict.

spamwangler

  • fay bentos
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #13 on: April 16, 2018, 10:22:05 PM »
the vicar looks apon a tearful, expectant congregation, wracks his brains



"Bernard, ., . Bernard was . . mediocre, EXTREMELY mediocre, BALL ACHINGLY SO"


Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Got to be getting his head on that for me Gary
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #14 on: April 17, 2018, 12:15:40 AM »
Dane Bowers opens a Greggs branch in Milton Keynes.

"Love Greggs"

East of Eden

  • World's Worst Mum
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #15 on: April 17, 2018, 12:47:30 AM »
An aging cafe owner overhears two regulars gleefully mocking the couple of small paintings on the wall. He musters a toothless smile as they finish up, leaving a handsome tip. He carefully reaches up and takes the paintings down. "Father was right, painting isn't for halfwits like me." He carries them under each arm into the utility cupboard, turning them to face the wall. No-one will ever see his baroque scat orgy watercolours again.

Gregory Torso

  • sun of the vermin wind
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #16 on: April 17, 2018, 02:53:52 AM »
A corroded daddy cow is riven on an industrial band saw to provide beef scrap sarnies for the IT department's annual twig-picking excursion.

FerriswheelBueller

  • Floaters gonna float.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #17 on: April 17, 2018, 03:19:10 AM »
“Arise, Sir Wayne Rooney.”

Gregory Torso

  • sun of the vermin wind
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #18 on: April 17, 2018, 04:38:14 AM »
A butcher wins ten quid on the Grand National and over-enthusiastically fosbury flops over a hydraulic fat slicer into a basket of puckered arseholes.

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #19 on: April 17, 2018, 08:28:02 AM »
A butcher wins ten quid on the Grand National and over-enthusiastically fosbury flops over a hydraulic fat slicer into a basket of puckered arseholes.

+1 Karma!

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Got to be getting his head on that for me Gary
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #20 on: April 17, 2018, 08:34:57 AM »
A "genesis device" constructed from - among other items - a bit of old glans, malfunctions on a dual carriageway.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Got to be getting his head on that for me Gary
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #21 on: April 17, 2018, 08:44:52 AM »
"Middle names... come on middle names


Hmmm just something

Come on


Ah - Gary"

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #22 on: April 17, 2018, 11:41:20 AM »
A Stretch Armstrong loses a limb...  in the shadows someone chuckles.

A red faced couple decide to flip a coin on who gets to keep Billy... it lands in a fresh puddle of the sickly child's vomit.

ollyboro

  • More pussy than Sinatra
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #23 on: April 17, 2018, 11:43:43 AM »
After putting on a load of weight a dedicated incontinence sufferer is alarmed to discover PJ Hughes have discontinued his favoured elastic waisted, wet look, piss coloured slacks.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #24 on: April 17, 2018, 12:03:45 PM »
A budding amateur inventor builds a working time machine by accident, he travels back to see his own birth, only to press a couple of wrong buttons causing him and the machine to land on top of his mum, killing everything.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #25 on: April 17, 2018, 12:32:07 PM »
A 41-year-old man discovers that he knows nobody of sufficient professional seniority to countersign his passport application.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #26 on: April 17, 2018, 01:07:57 PM »
A middle-aged shut-in is so frightened by his own ejaculation that his neighbours call 999.

spamwangler

  • fay bentos
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #27 on: April 17, 2018, 01:16:25 PM »
A budding amateur inventor builds a working time machine by accident, he travels back to see his own birth, only to press a couple of wrong buttons causing him and the machine to land on top of his mum, killing everything.

fuck me, i found this one harrowing for some reason

Angrew Lloyg Wegger

  • had he know it was Hitler's birthday...
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • ...he would not have celebrated
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Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #28 on: April 17, 2018, 07:06:59 PM »
A urophiliac's first sexual experience with an understanding partner is scuppered by his inability to relieve himself while in the presence of other people

Dannyhood91

  • I thought you said KING AAARTHUUUR!
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #29 on: April 17, 2018, 07:22:06 PM »
A Craig David bedspread from 2001, upon which rests a single, pathetic, unhealthy turd.