Author Topic: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains  (Read 36923 times)

New Jack

  • As for man, his days are on grass
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1620 on: August 10, 2018, 02:36:32 PM »
A mild but loud argument breaks out in the pub about the best chippy in Wrexham

(from my Reality Series ©)

the midnight watch baboon

  • Gelled, spiky hair fragrant near my teeth
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1621 on: August 10, 2018, 04:56:27 PM »
Colin wallpapers himself into an unused nook.

New Jack

  • As for man, his days are on grass
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1622 on: August 10, 2018, 05:09:45 PM »
A bus driver on her first day asks me, who is inebriated, where I'm going and if I can direct her if she's going the wrong way

(from my Reality Series ©... Again)

Posting my actual life in the Desolation Thread

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1623 on: August 10, 2018, 06:10:02 PM »
correction: the fourth sentence should read "fisting", not "fishing"

Berthas Fat Leg

  • There's gonna be a borstal breakout
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1624 on: August 11, 2018, 01:56:19 PM »
"To me, to....."

Paul Calf

  • Links, links, links, links!
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • I could eat a knob at night
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1625 on: August 11, 2018, 08:07:51 PM »
Stu backs up his entire music collection then leaves his library of over 12000 CDs on his front yard for people to take, free.

He's archived them in .ram format...

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1626 on: August 12, 2018, 02:33:53 AM »
A thug shatters his toe on a recalcitrant child-admirer.

Pingers

  • With the ill behaviour
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1627 on: August 12, 2018, 05:50:43 PM »
Raffle tickets on sale for the old folks home. £1 a ticket. First prize - a jar of turmeric.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1628 on: August 12, 2018, 08:24:18 PM »
"this pogrom is sponsored... by Amstel. And Continen-TAL"

Captain Poodle Basher

  • Teaching cats to cook since 1986
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1629 on: August 12, 2018, 10:02:47 PM »
Brian is rejected by the Foreign Legion for being too parochial.


Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1630 on: August 13, 2018, 01:07:26 AM »
The pages of a book on serial killers are stuck together with spunk

New Jack

  • As for man, his days are on grass
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1631 on: August 13, 2018, 12:02:51 PM »
Wanting to get sick because it would indicate I've had some human contact

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Got to be getting his head on that for me Gary
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1632 on: August 13, 2018, 06:36:08 PM »
A woman bemoans the fact her husband's diagnosis of Alzheimer's has come "too late for me to properly enjoy watching every second of him falling to pieces".

the midnight watch baboon

  • Gelled, spiky hair fragrant near my teeth
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1633 on: August 13, 2018, 09:21:31 PM »
Steve's funeral is postponed, but never rearranged

Twit 2

  • All impotence, no impetus
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1634 on: August 13, 2018, 11:02:16 PM »
Sitting in a block of flats watching the sort of travel station trash where a blighted Alaskan called Chip Fuckson is required to kill a pike. Ad break now and a golden-lit Phillip Schofield is scrutinising a kitten on the behalf of webuyanycar.com

FerriswheelBueller

  • Floaters gonna float.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1635 on: August 14, 2018, 01:36:13 AM »
Sitting in a block of flats watching the sort of travel station trash where a blighted Alaskan called Chip Fuckson is required to kill a pike. Ad break now and a golden-lit Phillip Schofield is scrutinising a kitten on the behalf of webuyanycar.com

Otis Redding’s early work “lacks focus”

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1636 on: August 14, 2018, 05:32:17 AM »
Sucking your dad off until completion after you have just eaten beetroot, spitting the purple stained spunk onto the carpet and pretending to have T.B. so that you mum can carry on claiming benefits for having Munchausens syndrome by proxy. The social wont take you into care either because of her human rights innit.


New Jack

  • As for man, his days are on grass
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1637 on: August 14, 2018, 11:30:46 AM »
A spider labours all morning, weaving a beautiful web between two bushes. He sits in the middle, motionless, ready, eager, accomplished and fine.

A jet of filthy human piss gushes the spider off his web, and he drowns in the flooding pool in the dirt, his legs frantic, frantic, slower, slowly, stopped.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1638 on: August 14, 2018, 01:16:57 PM »
A spider labours all morning, weaving a beautiful web between two bushes. He sits in the middle, motionless, ready, eager, accomplished and fine.

A jet of filthy human piss gushes the spider off his web, and he drowns in the flooding pool in the dirt, his legs frantic, frantic, slower, slowly, stopped.

"what pub are we going to going next Daz?"

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1639 on: August 14, 2018, 09:36:05 PM »
the condom machine dispenses just two flavours: beef and wool; Meths is out of stock

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Got to be getting his head on that for me Gary
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1640 on: August 14, 2018, 09:43:26 PM »
A computer is sworn at so hard and so often that it self-destructs. Goodbye cruel world

Pingers

  • With the ill behaviour
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1641 on: August 14, 2018, 09:50:48 PM »
From the Reality Series:

A Sheffield hip hop night puts on an event showcasing only female DJs. The name of this woman-empowering night? Phat Bitch.

Cuntbeaks

  • Guess who's coming to dinner?
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1642 on: August 14, 2018, 10:36:57 PM »
After a Proclaimers tribute night, a coked up Kate Humble attempts to weigh her tits.

the midnight watch baboon

  • Gelled, spiky hair fragrant near my teeth
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1643 on: August 14, 2018, 11:24:48 PM »
Terry's morning poo shrugs at him again.


That cracked brown sausage doesn't have the answer, Terry.

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1644 on: August 15, 2018, 07:07:43 AM »
Only 12 months until the next WimbleWrong then.

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1645 on: August 15, 2018, 07:13:50 AM »
The Peelers crack Bob Cratchit's dark web account. The terrible truth about Tiny Tim's health is revealed.

New Jack

  • As for man, his days are on grass
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1646 on: August 15, 2018, 11:50:50 AM »
Falling in love with the female soldiers in my XCOM squad

FerriswheelBueller

  • Floaters gonna float.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1647 on: August 15, 2018, 12:53:01 PM »
VERSUS 2018 finishes without a winner.

New Jack

  • As for man, his days are on grass
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1648 on: August 15, 2018, 05:17:27 PM »
Knocked back from a job with a law firm simply because of my career break last year; after explaining to their HR it was because I was required to give evidence in court pertaining to my comatose brother in law's right-to-die case. (I also can and do substantiate this with the media coverage - I've been in newspapers talking about it; I was legally required to be available to give evidence, so it weren't as simple as New Jack fancies a skive). They do not hire people without continuous, generally-unbroken employment. The irony of my legal duty preventing me from a job in a law firm is lost on me.

From my Reality Series... sadly!
« Last Edit: August 15, 2018, 05:48:05 PM by New Jack »

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Got to be getting his head on that for me Gary
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #1649 on: August 15, 2018, 09:24:29 PM »
Facebook reminds Bolg of an earnest anniversary message he sent 7 years ago in a doomed relationship that ended one day after that anniversary.