Author Topic: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains  (Read 72243 times)

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2790 on: January 07, 2019, 08:02:28 AM »
"Weston-super-Mare's No.1 Harry Potter fan" auto-sods in front of Loose Women.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2791 on: January 07, 2019, 11:06:46 AM »
While peering down to grab the jumbo sausage from his tray, the battered article develops a face and voice and shouts back DEEE YA WANNA FOCKIN GO???

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2792 on: January 07, 2019, 01:25:15 PM »
A man haunted by an anthropomorphised jumbo sausage ties a brick to his leg.

The original thought was to drown himself but now he is weighed down even further as his batter-strewn assailant stalks his existence.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2793 on: January 07, 2019, 10:25:15 PM »
A man calls his jumbo sausage stalker Grendy

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
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Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2794 on: January 08, 2019, 01:28:03 PM »
Old 'shoes for gloves' is out on the gloam again. Third night running. A forgotten After Eight melts in his taint.

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2795 on: January 08, 2019, 02:07:56 PM »
Bill's discovery of a half eaten packet of 2008 Hobnobs in a shoe box, under some water stained paperbacks, is considered the win of 2019.


Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2796 on: January 08, 2019, 02:58:06 PM »
I like those "Barratt Homes" says Emily

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2797 on: January 08, 2019, 04:07:00 PM »
Ruth goes into the attic to discover her collection of early Stereolab albums have been nibbled to fuck by bastard squirrels.

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2798 on: January 08, 2019, 06:24:40 PM »
A PornHub search for "Alex Salmond" yields 2 results.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2799 on: January 08, 2019, 06:28:59 PM »
A PornHub search for "Alex Salmond" yields 2 results.

Both 'tributes'.

Pingers

  • I can produce 3,500 water voles a year if required
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2800 on: January 09, 2019, 06:13:04 PM »
John Leslie puts you in a dress and hurts you.

PlanktonSideburns

  • lunch - small raw potato, peeled.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2801 on: January 09, 2019, 11:23:35 PM »
Real life one:

Talking to someone in work today, as he was speaking, one of his teeth fell out.
  He didn't notice, carried on talking.
    Alarmed, I pointed at the floor, and without interrupting his speech, he waived a little 'dont
      worry about it' gesture, he picked the tooth up, walked over to the bin, put it in the bin,
        carried on talking

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2802 on: January 10, 2019, 03:48:31 AM »
John Leslie puts you in a dress and hurts you.

Fucking hell!

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2803 on: January 10, 2019, 06:57:48 AM »
Sucks the juice out of the bottom of the food bin with a paper straw. Then recycles the straw.

Pingers

  • I can produce 3,500 water voles a year if required
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2804 on: January 10, 2019, 08:01:46 AM »
At the fat orgy, people are forced to make a human rope ladder over your massive bulk so they can get to someone they actually want to fuck.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2805 on: January 10, 2019, 05:20:31 PM »
True desolation - a special needs kid got into my mates car and did a shit. The kid then smeared the shit all over the inside of the car. The parents tried to laughter it off (to get out of the paying a cleaning bill) then threatened my mate with the police when he continued to reason with them about paying to clean the car.



Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2806 on: January 10, 2019, 06:33:21 PM »
A piece of erotic Ken Hom fan fiction wins the Nobel Prize

Pingers

  • I can produce 3,500 water voles a year if required
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2807 on: January 10, 2019, 08:01:30 PM »
Piers Morgan pays "good money" (sic) to get a suck job off a trafficked nail bar technician while slapping her about with a pork chop, then shouts at her that she's a "PC-infested Feminazi" when she refuses to swallow.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2808 on: January 10, 2019, 08:27:31 PM »
To his eternal chagrin, a large gammon joint saves the life of a very politically active young leftist.

Gammons - not so bad now eh, his Dad says

Shut up Adolf

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2809 on: January 10, 2019, 08:45:42 PM »
At a critical moment you get a strap on in the eye

Pingers

  • I can produce 3,500 water voles a year if required
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2810 on: January 10, 2019, 08:54:12 PM »
At a critical moment you get a strap on in the eye

Traces a thin line of your own watery shit across to your ear

touchingcloth

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Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2811 on: January 11, 2019, 01:49:28 AM »
A piece of erotic Ken Hom fan fiction wins the Nobel Prize

The Peace Prize.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2812 on: January 11, 2019, 06:49:54 AM »
At the awards ceremony

Nick Nolte: Is Ken Hom short for Kenneth Homosexual?
Ken Hom: No Nick it is not
Nick Nolte: Oh. Well here is your award then, bye

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2813 on: January 11, 2019, 10:26:41 AM »
Piers Morgan pays "good money" (sic) to get a suck job off a trafficked nail bar technician while slapping her about with a pork chop, then shouts at her that she's a "PC-infested Feminazi" when she refuses to swallow.

Surely she'd be a PM-infected Feminazi? Likely it was Piers who bought over the super gonorrhea from Thailand.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2814 on: January 11, 2019, 12:39:27 PM »
A spelt wholesaler prays to a defiled Bart Simpson clock

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2815 on: January 11, 2019, 03:27:36 PM »
Jarvis from Pulp looks 90 and has claws now.


Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2816 on: January 11, 2019, 03:33:13 PM »
A glance in the mirror suggests you look like a 3rd phase Bloodborne boss all covered in blood and shite, but it's probably the bulb needs replacing, yeah that'll do it.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2817 on: January 11, 2019, 03:37:00 PM »
Jarvis from Pulp looks 90 and has claws now.


His massive glasses and ironic “grandad” clothes become less ironic every year. He looks very unwell.

Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2818 on: January 11, 2019, 03:41:28 PM »
His massive glasses and ironic “grandad” clothes become less ironic every year. He looks very unwell.

Yeah, I'm horrified. It's like a Mark E Smith cosplay that's gone too far.

Dannyhood91

  • I thought you said KING AAARTHUUUR!
Re: Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains
« Reply #2819 on: January 11, 2019, 06:59:40 PM »
A waste of space moaning about circumcision in a field