Lady gets seven-and-half-years for abuse of boyfriend

[massive bereavement]

I don't think it's a prerequisite that a vicious violent maniac is working class or the product of a dysfunctional upbringing. Just throwing that mindfuck out there.

Could be that they had a fem-dom sexual relationship that gradually enveloped all aspects of their life together, in which case he would have played his part in creating the monster. Or he may have cheated on her, let her down over something, so was prepared to accept whatever she threw at him out of insatiable guilt.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Possibly, but would we be asking this if the genders were reversed?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Seems reasonable to consider those possibilities either way.

[massive bereavement]

Possibly, but would we be asking this if the genders were reversed?

Well, this is the problem, we're then on very dodgy ground and we have to retreat back to dismissing the abuser as a monster and that's the end of the matter.

[Fambo Number Mive]

I'm presuming these possibilities would be considered by the investigating officers and the court.

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

Could be that they had a fem-dom sexual relationship

Teabagging gone wrong?

[Funcrusher]

Possibly, but would we be asking this if the genders were reversed?

Probably not.

[massive bereavement]

Teabagging gone wrong?

WTF is teabagging? GF's tights worn over the face?

[thenoise]

My mistake. Still possible that men feel ashamed about abuse , because of the sexist way men are treated by society, so wouldn't even report to a crime survey.

No no no, it means that women in lesbian relationships are 4 times more likely to be the victims of abuse, and gay relationships are less likely to contain a victim of abuse than a straight one.  Therefore men > women.

FFS, trolls these days, not even trying.

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

WTF is teabagging? GF's tights worn over the face?

Stick the kettle on and get naked.

[Buelligan]

I think people with authoritarian personalities tend to abuse others (physically and/or mentally) because they despise and fear themselves.  Dominating and subjugating another person gives them a measure of reassurance.

[Neville Chamberlain]

WTF is teabagging?

It's when you dangle your bollocks in your partner's eyeholes.

[Buelligan]

And tell them it gets rid of wrinkles.

[monolith]

Big reverse Susan Boyle moment when I opened the link.

[Neville Chamberlain]

And tell them it gets rid of wrinkles.

No, that's "cucumbering".

[Buelligan]

And when you see how big the recommended cucumber is, you understand how it gets rid of them.  Horrible really but traditional amongst the middle class English at afternoon tea.

[massive bereavement]

This thread is giving me ideas.

[Blue Jam]

Quite rare for a woman to get such a sentence

There seem to be two types of comments under Daily Mail articles about violent crime:

1. If a man is convicted: "This is such a lenient sentence! Why are our judges so soft?"

2. If a woman is convicted: "She wouldn't have got such a lenient sentence if she had been a man..."

I'm not sure what the point of this thread is to be honest...

[Isnt Anything]

I don't think it's a prerequisite that a vicious violent maniac is working class or the product of a dysfunctional upbringing. Just throwing that mindfuck out there.

Its not a mindfuck generally speaking. Trust me i know. Its just that the sheer level of violence (boiling water etc.) seemed startling from someone of her youth and socioeconomic background. Consider my mind if not fucked, at least a bit surprised.

Relationships produce their own dynamics and - with much different degrees of severity - you can find yourself occasionally doing and saying things, then looking back and thinking "why the fuck did i do that?"

True dat. But this was on a whole 'nother level.

[Isnt Anything]

Could be that they had a fem-dom sexual relationship that gradually enveloped all aspects of their life together, in which case he would have played his part in creating the monster.

Yeah that did occur to me but ive never heard of a BDSM relationship that involved scalding and disfigurement with boiling water. Maybe started as one but then got waaaayyy out of hand ?

Or he may have cheated on her, let her down over something, so was prepared to accept whatever she threw at him out of insatiable guilt.

Ah yeah good point ive heard of that happening before in cases like this.

[Blue Jam]

Its not a mindfuck generally speaking. Trust me i know. Its just that the sheer level of violence (boiling water etc.) seemed startling from someone of her youth and socioeconomic background. Consider my mind if not fucked, at least a bit surprised.

Well, there was that case of the "aspiring heart surgeon" who escaped jail for stabbing her boyfriend because the judge feared it might harm her career... and also that case of the banker who escaped jail for glassing two people and knocking a third to the floor who escaped jail because the judge thought it might harm his career.

The surprise here is that someone who had a decent job and was relatively well-off didn't escape jail... maybe she wasn't quite as well-connected as the two violent rahs, or she didn't go to one of the right schools...

[checkoutgirl]

Wether that's skewed as she works in a theraputic hostel so is more likely to be dealing with women referred as potentially benefitting from therapy, or it's just a general fact I dunno, but I was surprised.

I once went for one of those jobs where you get the dole but do some government type jobs, it was only a bit of admin but it was in a kind of centre for women out of prison. The woman told me at the interview that the women might be verbally abusive etc to me. I was a bit taken aback, I didn't want to be working with people like that, especially for the peanuts you get on the dole.

So unsurprisingly women in prison are more likely to be from broken backgrounds and be violent and such and such.

[Dr Syntax Head]

let her down over something, so was prepared to accept whatever she threw at him out of insatiable guilt.

As someone who has endured physical attacks in both marriages and this is very true for me. I did some not good things so felt I probably deserved it, or I excused my wives behaviour as a response to me not being a model husband. I also would never have wanted either of them to be charged with assault and have a possible criminal record, because I loved them. For me bruises heal and all that, I'm not bothered but the emotional stuff takes a lot of work.

Some anecdotal insight there about domestic violence from a male perspective.

Probably overhang but fuck it, I don't care.

[BlodwynPig]

...and it's hard to strike back if you're a empathetic man

[Dr Syntax Head]

...and it's hard to strike back if you're a empathetic man

Curl up in a ball and do the 'not my face' thing was my method of defence. Sincerely I didn't want our friends and family to know, for both our sakes. As far as I was concerned it was something we had to work through together in private. You have to understand though that my ex wives were not abusive people but just let extreme anger get the better of them. As I'm sharing here I did cheat on Mrs Syntax MK1 but not Mrs Syntax MK2. I was just a lazy drunk with MK2 Mrs Syntax and subconsciously I felt I deserved it both times.

[Isnt Anything]

Can i just applaud your posts here and say i know pretty much exactly where youre coming from ? thanks for speaking up.

[Isnt Anything]

Well, there was that case of the "aspiring heart surgeon" who escaped jail for stabbing her boyfriend because the judge feared it might harm her career... and also that case of the banker who escaped jail for glassing two people and knocking a third to the floor who escaped jail because the judge thought it might harm his career.

The surprise here is that someone who had a decent job and was relatively well-off didn't escape jail... maybe she wasn't quite as well-connected as the two violent rahs, or she didn't go to one of the right schools...

I remember the second one, first one was an eye-opener though so thanks for that.

As for our current woman im assuming that Hatfield Poly (as was) wasnt posh enough, yes.

[Paul Calf]

As someone who has endured physical attacks in both marriages and this is very true for me. I did some not good things so felt I probably deserved it, or I excused my wives behaviour as a response to me not being a model husband. I also would never have wanted either of them to be charged with assault and have a possible criminal record, because I loved them. For me bruises heal and all that, I'm not bothered but the emotional stuff takes a lot of work.

Some anecdotal insight there about domestic violence from a male perspective.

Probably overhang but fuck it, I don't care.

I admire your courage enormously in saying this.

It's almost taboo to talk about it, but there's often a dynamic between abused and abuser; some people do seek vulnerable people and some vulnerable people do seek to be victims. This isn't to minimise or trivialise the crimes of those who abuse or the pain of the abused, but it does explain why it's such a persistent problem.

[Isnt Anything]

some people do seek vulnerable people and some vulnerable people do seek to be victims.

and half the time people dont even realise theyre doing either of those things

[Dr Syntax Head]

Thanks. I feel I might have overshared a little because I don't talk about it with people I know. Both my ex wives are incredible people, they both deserve better than me in a husband (my recent split has bought on a massive mission of self improvement, which is good) but I guess this is why I believe anybody is capable of having their buttons pushed to the extreme and the old fight or flight kicks in.

But then my experience is very very different to malicious abuse. I feel lucky enough to intellectualise my experience enough to understand it and the motives behind the behaviour. It's all learning for me for the future I guess.

Anyway enough from me.