Wife bonking away or mad bint on a one?

[Twit 2]

This is a weird one.

Had a letter through the door today, from someone who says they work with my wife and is saying my wife is having an affair. It's really poorly written - style, spag, handwriting - the works. Now, there's a woman who's got it in for her at work and apparently writes shockingly badly. She's been caught out lying about my wife to get her into trouble at work. My immediate reaction was that it must be her. Thing is, that doesn't necessarily mean she's lying. What do I do now?

Show my wife straight away?
Say nothing and hope it all goes away?

Other things that support the grudge/lie theory:

It's written to me with my full name. I never use this name and everyone knows me by the short one. If this lady asked anyone my name they'd get that one. It would be listed as the full name on a work database emergency contacts thing, though! On the other hand the colleague she's alleging my wife is with has also been written as his full name.

One weird bit says 'If she deny this I have a picture of her taking part in oral sex in a car and will sent you this SIM card for proof'.

First a techy question - are photos stored in sims and even if they are, does that mean I can simply see it by putting the sim in the phone? If you've got a photo why not just print and include it in letter? Also, how do you take a photo of someone having oral sex in a car close enough for it to be conclusive evidence whilst not being noticed?

The whole thing seems unlikely.

[Danger Man]

I'd assume it was the co-worker but show my wife just to let her know what was going on.

The photo thing sounds compete bullshit.

[imitationleather]

It's a given that all wives are having affairs.

[monkfromhavana]

Sounds like a right load of old bollocks to me.

Why does this woman hate your wife?

[Dr Syntax Head]

Ask for the photo. Call her bluff. What motive would she have for doing this anyway?

[Danger Man]

Send the photo to Paul Calf. He's in need of some oral action.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I assume the writer is just thick and thinks that any card that goes in a phone is a SIM.

More to the point, why are you even giving this the time of day?

[Chairman Bodog]

She wants to sabotage your marriage so she can hop on your hookah.

[hedgehog90]

Can you upload the letter with the names and private details blanked out?

Please?

[mothman]

^ Better not. This could end up being a legal scenario and that might jeopardise the case.

[Twit 2]

dp

[Dr Syntax Head]

Does your wife go away at weekends?

[mothman]

Oh well.

[tenmen]

Tell your wife you'll show her the letter unless she pays you

[Twit 2]

Ask for the photo. Call her bluff. What motive would she have for doing this anyway?

There's no return address so I don't know who or how I am supposed to ask for that!

I guess she could post it to me if she hasn't heard anything. Mad.

Can you upload the letter with the names and private details blanked out?

Please?

Here's the letter:

[EOLAN]

If there is a push to send you the Sim/memory card, I would be wary that there could be a virus or bug on it.

[monkfromhavana]

How are you meant to ask for the SIM card if she doesn't tell you how to contact her?

[Twit 2]

Does your wife go away at weekends?

Yep, they go away to other cities for work and stay in hotel rooms (separate, I assume). He's about 20 years older than me, and really doesn't seem like her type, but I must factor in me being a contemptible twat, to whom anyone is a better alternative.

[Soup]

Obviously the lunatic co-worker. I assume you trust your wife - show her the letter and get the mad girl sacked before she kills again does any more mad shit.

[Dr Syntax Head]

I really hope it's not true. It's all very well joking and everything but there's something very off about this.

[Chairman Bodog]

Yep, they go away to other cities for work and stay in hotel rooms (separate, I assume).

[Zero Gravitas]

Sounds like both the letter writer is a bit touched and it's all true.

I'd sellotape a hair across your wife's lips just before she leaves in the morning, in the evening if it has gone it means she has been kissing/sucking cocks* in cars.

*That's just plain lips kissing, not cocks kissing, that's all sucking.

[Alberon]

So you only have your wife's word for it this woman has been causing trouble at work?

You're going to have to follow your wife next away weekend and then kick the door of her hotel room in at 2.00am. It's the only rational course of action.

[bgmnts]

Can you keep an Alan Partridge style diary, following and keeping track of your wife for the next few months?

"Thank God, thank God. She IS staying at the gym"

[Janie Jones]

Perhaps the letter writer has a crush on this man and is jealous of the good relationship he has with your wife? She calls him her 'good friend'.

The letter writer is exposing herself to a lot of risk there such as losing her job and perhaps criminal proceedings. She's very motivated by something.

[Phil_A]

"She walks around with her breasts in his face"

So he would have to be facing her at all times and presumably walking backwards constantly in order to maintain the face/breast contact? That would be very suspicious behaviour, she's definitely on to something there.

[biggytitbo]

Did you have any suspicion of infidelity before this dubious corrospondence? The odor of cheap aftershave, foreign spunk stains etc?

[Isnt Anything]

So you only have your wife's word for it this woman has been causing trouble at work?

Oh shit ....

[bgmnts]

foreign spunk stains etc?

Could you tell a foreigner by their spunk stain?

[imitationleather]

foreign spunk stains etc

Adultery is wrong, no matter where in the world he is from.

EDIT: We were QUEUEING UP to make that gag.