TINTIN EXCEPT CAPTAIN HADDOCK MAKES EVERYTHING ABOUT GENDER

[madhair60]

Tintin: Look, Captain! Rastapopolous has taken control of this tribal society using his army of mercenaries!

Haddock: Blistering barnacles, Tintin; there's not a single woman in either that village or his army!

Tintin: Great snakes, so fuck!?

[Neville Chamberlain]

Tintin: Ah, here come Thomson and Thompson. Perhaps they'll be able to tell us what happened!

Haddock: Ten thousand thundering typhoons, look at that pair of straight white male cunts.

[Replies From View]

Tintin:  I have a dog called Snowy, I drive a 2CV and interact with mysterious scenarios and attempt to solve crimes.  Can't remember anything more specific than that.

Captain Haddock:  A WOMAN'S PLACE IS THE KITCHEN AND A MAN HAS A PENIS

[Alberon]

Thomson and Thompson - Captain Haddock, your boat has been impounded and will be searched for stolen items.

Haddock - Great Festering Fucksocks! Why me? It's because I'm a man isn't it?

Tintin - Oh Christ, he's off again!

Haddock  - If I was a woman you wouldn't be doing this. Or— or better still, a lesbian! Yes, a single parent lesbian. I could have half the Crown Jewels hanging out the back and you bastards wouldn't bat an eyelid!

Tintin - Guys, he's going to be ranting for hours now. Please put me in a cell as far away from his as possible.

Thomson and Thompson - We don't like the term guys as we identify as non-binary genderfluid.

Haddock - I knew it!! If I was a blonde lesbian with knock-out tits you wouldn't be arresting me!

Thompson - He's right, you know.

Thomson - Shh!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Tintin: Not very many women in these books are there

Haddock: That it is, Belgian of The Shire. That it is.

[Chairman Bodog]

AGELESS RODDERKIN DELFLUID: Bonnet de Cultural Appropriation

[Beagle 2]

Tin Tin: I haven't read any Tin Tim so I don't know any of the characters.
Captain Haddock: Just Captain Haddock and Tin Tin yeah?
Tin Tin: Literally just Tim Tin and that dog before this thread. What's the dog called? Dog cunt?
Captain Haddock: Yeah I'm pretty sure it's dog cunt.
Tin Tin: Oy ey dog cunt.
Dog Cunt: Bark.
Captain Haddock: Checks out.
Tin Tin: How are you going to make this about gender?
Captain Haddock: Locke's version of egalitarian contractualism does not take seriously the degree to which patriarchal marriage, based on the alleged naturalness of gender hierarchy, violates moral egalitarianism.
Dog cunt: Bark.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I just thought of the

Chris / Hellwyn / Chris / Hellwyn

Bit on TDT, but

Haddock / Tintin / Haddock / Tintin

[Alberon]

Tintin - Okay, Haddock. The bad guys are hiding in this television studio. You go check over there and I'll try this one.

[Haddock stomps over to the other studio continually muttering about socially imposed gender roles in plumbing technical colleges that has been getting him increasingly annoyed for hours. He reaches a door and finding it locked hammers on it. The door opens and a security guard peers at Haddock]

Guard - Yes?

Haddock - Do you have any landlubber ne'er-do-wells in there?

Guard - What are you going on abou— Hang on, beard? Mad starey eyes? Edmonds! You're barred and that's final.

Haddock - Typical. It's because I'm a man isn't it?

Guard - It's because you're a nutter.

[Haddock headbutts the guard and a brawl quickly develops. Unseen by either Snowey the dog slips past them and on to the set. The dog stands up on two legs and removes the head. Underneath, Noel Edmonds is smiling.]

Edmonds - Home at last! Now to go wank in the gunge tank.

[non capisco]

Tin Tin: I haven't read any Tin Tim so I don't know any of the characters.
Captain Haddock: Just Captain Haddock and Tin Tin yeah?
Tin Tin: Literally just Tim Tin and that dog before this thread. What's the dog called? Dog cunt?
Captain Haddock: Yeah I'm pretty sure it's dog cunt.
Tin Tin: Oy ey dog cunt.
Dog Cunt: Bark.
Captain Haddock: Checks out.
Tin Tin: How are you going to make this about gender?
Captain Haddock: Locke's version of egalitarian contractualism does not take seriously the degree to which patriarchal marriage, based on the alleged naturalness of gender hierarchy, violates moral egalitarianism.
Dog cunt: Bark.

I enjoyed this post.

[Tikwid]

TINTIN ET LES TRANSPHOBIES

[The scene: Marlinspike Hall. Tintin, the famed Belgian reporter, has been through many trials and tribulations and fought many foes, but has lately been battling with the most terrifying enemy yet: gender dysphoria. Thankfully, most of her friends are supportive, and are here to welcome her as she presents as female for the first time...]

Thompson: My goodness, girl, you're looking positively wonderful!
Thomson: To be precise: you're wondering lookfully positive!
Tintin: Goodness, thank you, detectives! Quite a turnout today as well, I must say - although it seems a few people have made themselves intentionally absent...
Haddock [stumbling in with bottle of Loch Lomond]: Xe, xi, xo, xum, I smell the blood of SOYBOY SCUM
Tintin: Oh christ. Who let him in here again? Was it you, Nestor?
Nestor: I-I'm sorry, ma'am...he threatened me with a glass to the face if I didn't acquiesce...
Haddock: Oh am I offending you? Are you offended? Are you??? Are you offended???
Tintin: Haddock, I think it's time you left. Come on now, shoo, shoo.
Haddock: How dare you touch me, I sexually identify as an attack helicopter! Oohhh are you triggered, oohhh,
Professor Calculus: ...sheep herders? Around these parts? The grounds of this estate are private property...
Tintin: No, Professor, I said she/her/hers...
Haddock: oooh look at me I'm sheepkin,

[Huxleys Babkins]

HADDOCK: Blisterin' barnacles! Tin-Tin, why on Earth are you wearing a dress?

TIN-TIN: Because I'm Tin-Tin from Thunderbirds, not the Belgian boy detective.

HADDOCK: I'm pretty sure they changed her nickname to Kayo in the revived series due to "Tin-Tin" being seen as a bit racist and to avoid confusion with this franchise.

TIN-TIN: Well, it seems that's one thing nobody will be confused about at least.

HADDOCK: Yes. Unlike gender.

TIN-TIN: Oh, Haddock!