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Intercourse - what do you like (NSFW)

Started by Fambo Number Mive, April 17, 2018, 01:24:52 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

checkoutgirl

Quote from: Shameless Custard on April 18, 2018, 09:31:38 AM
I like to go for dinner with someone before I will sleep with them.

And if they buy me a pudding too, I will agree to meet their mum

I like to precede any sexual relations with a formula 3 motoring day in Brands Hatch. Just before the act itself I will insist on a meal and subsequently shed my skin. If the meal does not include dessert (pudding for Northern types) I will not be able to achieve an erection.

I imagine my tastes are quite average. If I have sex twice in the same week then that's two days out in Brands Hatch so the physical act of love can actually work out quite pricey for me.

Note to self, Kane Jone's posts are becoming vomit inducing so skip past them in future.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

QuoteI imagine my testes are quite average

Why imagine? Cut them out of your scrotum and have a proper inspection.

Kane Jones

Quote from: checkoutgirl on April 18, 2018, 01:21:11 PM
Note to self, Kane Jone's posts are becoming vomit inducing so skip past them in future.

Oh do grow up, you benny.

It's alright, he won't have read this as he's skipping past my posts now.

Ray Travez

Quote from: Kane Jones on April 18, 2018, 01:41:45 PM
It's alright, he won't have read this as he's skipping past my posts now.

as an emetophile I'm frankly disappointed

Kane Jones


Shoulders?-Stomach!

The post where that chap admitted to liking shaven undeveloped bodies as it reminded him of "the kids Jeff" was my moment to stop reading.

Attila

Well, for the next two days or so, I'm at a location about 35 miles from Intercourse, PA, so if anyone's interested in a road trip, you have about 36 hours to get to Newark, DE.

massive bereavement

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on April 18, 2018, 01:01:17 PM
Is intercourse that much more fun for the male than shandies?

I don't think you can reach the same heights solo that you can with intercourse. Some wanks are better than others but less obviously so than the varying degrees of satisfaction that go with putting it in somebody else's hole.
I don't know if they still use the term today, but back in the 60s and 70s a number of song lyrics referred to a burning sensation or 'fire', which I presume refers to the point where you're really making it to a point of climax together. I don't think you can get to that place by wanking. Close, but not all the way there.

Paul Calf

Quote from: Attila on April 18, 2018, 02:37:43 PM
Well, for the next two days or so, I'm at a location about 35 miles from Intercourse, PA, so if anyone's interested in a road trip, you have about 36 hours to get to Newark, DE.

How is 'Reading, PA' pronounced?

Genevieve

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 18, 2018, 07:38:56 AM
This sounds more like you want it to be true than it is true. Yeah, the sex lives of Victorians and women in the 1950s were way more liberated, were they?

Anyway, what's wrong with oral exactly? A clean vagina tastes good.

I'm not getting into a fucking stupid pedantic back-and-forth argument with you, Shoulders.  But I didn't say there was anything wrong with oral, you tosser.

Attila

Quote from: Paul Calf on April 18, 2018, 02:56:44 PM
How is 'Reading, PA' pronounced?

Same as Reading, UK (so 'red' not 'reed')

Kryton

Quote from: Small Man Big Horse on April 17, 2018, 10:32:53 PM
and my earhole being licked.

Mrs Kryton does this to me and it turns me into an animal. Just an utterly sensual, primal feeling of pleasure.

With any first time partner I find it very difficult to cum. Not sure if it's an anxiety thing or what, so I can keep going for aaaaages. Usually wearing out my partner in a hot and sweaty fusion of flesh and pleasure. Although it quite often leaves me feeling unsatisfied (at first) until I get closer and more trusting with the lady in question and then I can spunk like a trooper.

Now she only has to touch my balls and my pre-cum is pretty much dribbling out. I've been told my large penis can be uncomfortable for her in any other position besides her being on top or the missionary position (so that rules out doggy style).

But even if you're not having intercourse, licking and caressing the clitoris is the way forwards. And I can tell she's defo not faking her orgasms as she goes bright red and is extremely sensitive. She won't even let me touch her boobs if she orgasms first (which is usually the way).

So yeah I'm quite good at this sex lark and I have a decent sized penis even if our sex life is mostly vanilla stuff.

I hope this helps?


Bhazor

Quote from: Kryton on April 18, 2018, 03:17:12 PM
Mrs Kryton does this to me and it turns me into an animal. Just an utterly sensual, primal feeling of pleasure.

My dog does this to me in the morning much to the same effect.

Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: Kryton on April 18, 2018, 03:17:12 PM
Mrs Kryton does this to me and it turns me into an animal. Just an utterly sensual, primal feeling of pleasure.

With any first time partner I find it very difficult to cum. Not sure if it's an anxiety thing or what, so I can keep going for aaaaages. Usually wearing out my partner in a hot and sweaty fusion of flesh and pleasure. Although it quite often leaves me feeling unsatisfied (at first) until I get closer and more trusting with the lady in question and then I can spunk like a trooper.

I'm the same way, almost certain it's psychological now but being ridiculously drunk used to play an element. Thankfully it tends not to last too long, then I go through a period of coming too quickly before settling down and everything finally clicks in to place.

Paul Calf

Quote from: Attila on April 18, 2018, 03:15:07 PM
Same as Reading, UK (so 'red' not 'reed')

Thanks. I often wondered that and nit reoccurred to me when I looked up Intercourse on GMaps.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Genevieve on April 18, 2018, 03:07:30 PM
I'm not getting into a fucking stupid pedantic back-and-forth argument with you, Shoulders.  But I didn't say there was anything wrong with oral, you tosser.

I think you misjudge how seriously I was demanding that you justify your comments about oral. (Not at all seriously). Is it the heat?

However, I disagree things are going backwards for women in terms of their level of power and freedom in the bedroom. Has there ever been a more liberated and empowered time for British women in that department?

madhair60

I tried to fuck outside once but I was too drunk and couldn't get hard

shiftwork2

As Anthony said to Cleopatra
As he opened a crate of ale
Oh, I say:
Quote from: massive bereavement on April 18, 2018, 02:49:40 PM
Some wanks are better than others


Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: madhair60 on April 18, 2018, 05:32:34 PM
I tried to fuck outside once but I was too drunk and couldn't get hard

Outside doesn't give you much purchase. If you fuck outside it's air basically. Try fucking something tactile I reckon.

biggytitbo

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 18, 2018, 07:38:56 AM
Anyway, what's wrong with oral exactly? A clean vagina tastes good.


Not as good as Brannigans Roast beef and mustard crisps.

billyandthecloneasaurus

Going down on girls is my fave, having girls go down on me second fave.  I know clitoril stiumulation is more important bit but I especially like putting my tongue right inside there (it is a very big tongue).  I could just about do without penetrative sex, but I think mostly it's because I'm quite shit at doing it but quite good at oral.  And I love getting sucked off.  Also think it's an uncomfortable truth that sex with condoms for men is a bit rubbish, and I ain't going in raw with some random birds I've met off tinder.  But even without condoms I prefer blowjobs to vag sex.

I also love rimming and sticking my finger up lady bottoms, especially when I'm drunk.  Alcohol makes me obsessed with arses, but I've never actually put my willy in one.  I'd quite like to at some point but I'm not overly fussed.  I just like girls arses as a thing rather than the idea of anal sex.

Not really got many kinks or fetishes other than the mild arse stuff.  Don't find BDSM and stuff like that particularly anxiety inducing or owt - it just doesn't appeal.  Though thinking about it I am proper into, well, partially clothed women?  I reckon there's something sexier about a bra haphazardly dragged up to expose tits rather than fully removed, or like a sock still on or pants still around the ankles or whatever.  Maybe it's the immediacy of it.  Absolute fave was shagging a girl while she still had her loose flowy summer dress on.  Fully naked feels a bit sterile to me somehow. 

thenoise

Quote from: Kryton on April 18, 2018, 03:17:12 PMI've been told my large penis can be uncomfortable for her in any other position besides her being on top or the missionary position

Dr Syntax Head

This thread is starting to resemble the comments section on porn videos.

biggytitbo

Quote from: billyandthecloneasaurus on April 19, 2018, 12:03:28 AM
Going down on girls is my fave, having girls go down on me second fave.  I know clitoril stiumulation is more important bit but I especially like putting my tongue right inside there (it is a very big tongue).  I could just about do without penetrative sex, but I think mostly it's because I'm quite shit at doing it but quite good at oral.  And I love getting sucked off.  Also think it's an uncomfortable truth that sex with condoms for men is a bit rubbish, and I ain't going in raw with some random birds I've met off tinder.  But even without condoms I prefer blowjobs to vag sex.

I also love rimming and sticking my finger up lady bottoms, especially when I'm drunk.  Alcohol makes me obsessed with arses, but I've never actually put my willy in one.  I'd quite like to at some point but I'm not overly fussed.  I just like girls arses as a thing rather than the idea of anal sex.

Not really got many kinks or fetishes other than the mild arse stuff.  Don't find BDSM and stuff like that particularly anxiety inducing or owt - it just doesn't appeal.  Though thinking about it I am proper into, well, partially clothed women?  I reckon there's something sexier about a bra haphazardly dragged up to expose tits rather than fully removed, or like a sock still on or pants still around the ankles or whatever.  Maybe it's the immediacy of it.  Absolute fave was shagging a girl while she still had her loose flowy summer dress on.  Fully naked feels a bit sterile to me somehow.


^^ One of the more eyebrow raising passages from Ken Clarke's autobiography.

Jittlebags

QuoteSome wanks are better than others

Not one of Steven Patrick Morrissey's best.

Kane Jones

Quote from: Jittlebags on April 19, 2018, 02:19:18 PM
Not one of Steven Patrick Morrissey's best.

shiftwork2 already done that one up there ^


St_Eddie

* A string of ornate anal beads, shoved up inside my cavernous and hungry bum bum.

* Being wanked off with the love glove.  Said glove is initially black but if great success is achieved; white upon finishing.

* A tea towel wrapped around my partner's head, Arab style and a mug full of hot bovril poured betwixt my luscious man tits.

* A woodlouse inside my left ear lobe.  Two if I'm feeling particularly randy dandy.

* Making the dog watch.

Twit 2

Anal fisted by the seaside - by a bouncy castle attendant, on an out of hours bouncy castle.

St_Eddie

#239
Quote from: Twit 2 on April 21, 2018, 08:52:25 AM
Anal fisted by the seaside - by a bouncy castle attendant, on an out of hours bouncy castle.

Won't somebody think of the children!  The wee bairns will be happily bouncing away and then asking mummy what the weird brown splatter in the middle of the castle was and why that same substance was encrusted upon the attendant's hand.  Scandalous!