Intercourse - what do you like (NSFW)

[Fambo Number Mive]

I suppose asking beforehand "why kind of things do you enjoy in bed" would be best.

[rasta-spouse]

I like 69-ing while knowing my gf has changed my PIN and is witholding it from me.

[Chairman Bodog]

Queening. They call facesitting Queening.

Pussy birthing. My local is called the Queen's so when we're queening it we're caning it and no cat cans tuna.

[Isnt Anything]

It doesn't bother me, but it is something that feels very alien, and I was wondering, if I ever did end up having intercourse with a woman, what kinds of things women enjoy.

Nancy Friday

[Small Man Big Horse]

Repeating myself for the billionth time on here but my favourite thing is cunnilingus, specifically face-sitting.

You lazy bastard.








_{Just in case you're unaware it's a misquote from The Larry Sanders Show, and doesn't quite fit here. Yet I'm still going to post it. Oh well.}

[bgmnts]

No need to pay mate, theres some right skanky whores around these parts who'd pump anything with a pulse for a half pack of monster munch. Like this slattern. https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?action=profile

Jokes aside, its actually one of the most difficult things in the world.

I have had to beg and leave all dignity at the door to scrape the bottom of the barrel about once a year when i get lucky.

I am still yet to sleep with someone I found attractive, which is a bit of a shame. Even when I wasnt a fat cunt.

[checkoutgirl]

I'd rather not have it at all than pay for it.

Fussy.

[checkoutgirl]

what kinds of things women enjoy.

That seems really quite advanced for a virgin. Like asking what are the specifics of driving a formula 1 car when you've never even sat behind the wheel of a normal car. Most people worry about what they like before they move onto what the other person likes I would say.

Although I can see a queue of people forming to disagree with me.

[Chairman Bodog]

Ain't nobody up in here queuing to check out you, girl.

[machotrouts]

No need to pay mate, theres some right skanky whores around these parts who'd pump anything with a pulse for a half pack of monster munch. Like this slattern. https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?action=profile

I know what you've done here, but it is true. Make me your offers gentlemen

[Fambo Number Mive]

I'm more concerned about the other person's enjoyment to be honest.

[Neomod]

Nancy Friday

Free Alsatian with every purchase.

[pancreas]

I know what you've done here, but it is true. Make me your offers gentlemen

A quarter of a packet of monster munch?

[Dr Syntax Head]

Slattern. Must commit that to my lexicon.

Tip 4. Choosing what to watch to get some chill with your Netflix? Irreversible gets the gusset moist and the trousers tented.

[Kelvin]

Slattern. Must commit that to my lexicon.

Don't. It can get you into trouble.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-24222992

He was heard joking that the "women in politics" conference fringe meeting was "full of sluts" who did not clean behind their fridges.

[Dr Syntax Head]

"Who did not clean behind their fridges" That is amazing.

[Buelligan]

Would you enjoy visiting someones kitchen, using it, if you knew there were sloppy seconds behind the "fridge"?  You disgust me.

But in an exciting way.

[Paul Calf]

Mid thirties and haven't so far. Very unattractive. Weird voice. Lack of balance. Just feel I'll be rubbish at it. Can't be bothered to clear the dangleberries from my bum. Not good with people.

Me too, and I'm married. There's hope for everyone.

[Buelligan]

Mid thirties and haven't so far. Very unattractive. Weird voice. Lack of balance. Just feel I'll be rubbish at it. Can't be bothered to clear the dangleberries from my bum. Not good with people.

I don't think anyone bothers with chandeliers any more, really rather chilly.

[Chairman Bodog]

The cock is hopeful about marriage?

[checkoutgirl]

I'm more concerned about the other person's enjoyment to be honest.

Well good luck with that.

[Genevieve]

I'm more concerned about the other person's enjoyment to be honest.

Then you're already miles ahead of most of the competition.  Word is, lots of men are increasingly selfish lovers (and that word is hardly appropriate) interested only in their own gratification, (e.g. thinking they don't have to reciprocate oral - "they hardly do in porn so why should I?") and many of them have had a lot of partners.  What you want to do is find the person who makes you feel "in balance" (not sure what you mean but it doesn't sound mad) get to know them, go on dates and when sex comes up, take it easy, focus on the person not the act.  I would tell them it's your first time (having got to know and trust them) they will probably be honoured and want to guide you through it.  You are right to say you can ask what they like, (rather than Legend Gary and his band of wankers at CaB) but broadly speaking people like to be touched (consensually, naturally), paid attention to and flattered and that doesn't have to be done with words.  First-time sex with a new partner, not just first time ever, is always a bit uncertain and might not go as planned and people expect that.

[Dex Sawash]

Intercourse is also a town in Pennsylvania. A place I would like to go at least once before I die. Is that too much to ask? Apparently yes, yes it is.

If you take a wrong turn you'll  end up at

[biggytitbo]

Stick on the Grand National in the background. For pacing.

And one of you ends up having to be destroyed.

[Replies From View]

Mid thirties and haven't so far. Very unattractive. Weird voice. Lack of balance. Just feel I'll be rubbish at it. Can't be bothered to clear the dangleberries from my bum. Not good with people.

Nice to know I'm not alone in this (though I'm late 30s myself).  I don't know if it's an age thing, but I do now feel that it's more depressing than it's worth to stay hopeful in this area.  People say "chin up, you'll meet someone," but surely I'd have found someone by now, and staying positive about it just brings me endless feelings of unrequited love, which is miserable.

[popcorn]

I like vaginal bumming, but the girlfriend is partial to a spot of oral bumming too.

[Small Man Big Horse]

People say "chin up, you'll meet someone," but surely I'd have found someone by now, and staying positive about it just brings me endless feelings of unrequited love, which is miserable.

People used to say that to me as well and it's a load of bollocks, at this age if you want love you have to track down your prey and seduce it violently (ie online dating and meeting up for a drink down the local spoons). 

[biggytitbo]

You could always make a lady from tripe and hair from the local barbers. You'd be surprised how good the results can be, especially if you have very low standards.

[bgmnts]

(ie online dating and meeting up for a drink down the local spoons).

I couldnt even do that after a while as i exhausted everyone in my area and England and bizarrely i started getting girls from north western France popping up. Which seems impressibe.

[machotrouts]

A quarter of a packet of monster munch?

How many Monster Munches are in a Monster Munch anyway? The bags excitedly advertise that the Munches have gotten bigger, but that just seems like an excuse to fit less in the bag. Been very suspicious about this recently, but not enough to actually count. Swear there can't be much more than 8 or so. You can't divide 8 into quarters, it just isn't mathematically possible.