Car Crash Televisionion

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Some BBC2 play in the mid 80s.

A woman stands alone on a spotlit stage. She tells a heartbreaking tale of tragedy and loss. The sadness of her eyes dulled by an ashen complexion.

Twenty minutes in, I'm in tears, when enters stage right a chimpanzee riding, naked, a customised tricycle with irregular wheels. It trundles behind the oblivious narrator, creaking and squeaking in rhythmic irregularity. As it reaches midpoint across the stage, a horn is honked and the chimp turns its head to gaze balefully at the camera before continuing the journey and exiting stage left.

The picture fades to black despite the melancholic monologue meandering on.

Sounds like an episode of Play for today.

[Mr_Simnock]

Anything with Gloria Hunniford in it

[Replies From View]

Here's the clip. Obviously not so mortifying when you don't have all the lead up and tension, but still very, very funny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdCrSA2azQ8

Here's a 5 minute clip with all the lead up and tension:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1PurSkkhk0

[St_Eddie]

You went to school with a bullying narwhal?

Was this an auto-correct mistake?

[Glebe]

Was this an auto-correct mistake?

No, just a really pathetic attempt at humour.

[St_Eddie]

No, just a really pathetic attempt at humour.

Well, it did amuse me (and make me very confused), so it wasn't completely wasted.

[thecuriousorange]

James Hewitt and Rebecca Loos on X Factor: Battle of the Stars. Everything about this is appalling.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eZ9EFoooC1w

[St_Eddie]

James Hewitt and Rebecca Loos on X Factor: Battle of the Stars. Everything about this is appalling.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eZ9EFoooC1w

Fucking Hell!  Rebecca Loos should go back to wanking off pigs.  She was good at that.  I'd say that James Hewitt should go back to being a wanker too but he never stopped.

[non capisco]

Victor Lewis Smith and Paul Sparkes failing to convince an early evening Channel 4 audience on a Jonathan Ross show with their charmless prank call shtick. Check out the trembling flop sweat on Sparkes.  There is an obvious irony here regarding Ross objecting to ringing innocent people up and high-handedly taking the piss out of them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCvBBMzyLdg

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

I've yet to be convinced that VLS isn't a total cunt. Why are we supposed to like him?

[St_Eddie]

I've yet to be convinced that VLS isn't a total cunt. Why are we supposed to like him?

Even Peter Sellers' own kids said that he was a total cunt but they also acknowledged his talent to be funny.  Now, Victor Lewis Smith is no Sellers but it's still a relevant comparison.

[Custard]

TV Offal pretty much gets him a pass. His TV columns were quite good too

[Famous Mortimer]

Prank calls are the absolute fucking worst, though.

[Gregory Torso]

Annoying Canadian interviewer 'Nardwuar the Human Serviette' trying to interview Blur after pissing off Dave Rowntree.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkNvk2MgiCc

Nardwuar is awesome and Dave is a massive cunt in that interview.

[Cuellar]

Yes I went into that clip expecting to find the interviewer being a massive bell but I warmed to Nardwuar almost immediately and thought Blur were being charmless berks.

[Panbaams]

Prank calls are the absolute fucking worst, though.

Brave words on a Chris Morris forum.

[yesitsme]

Has anyone said the time the Lottery Show (Dale Winton I think) paid a visit to the gaudy home of everyone's favourite pornographer David Sullivan.

For early Saturday tea-time telly this 'Cribs' style saunter around his five bedroom bastard house built on the tears of runaways did seem rather misjudged.

Different times I suppose.

[studpuppet]

Prank calls are the absolute fucking worst, though.

They can be the fucking worst, but they can also be the best, when they're silly and no one gets hurt:

Brian Sewell

Hailie Selassie (transcript only)

[lipsink]

Pat Kenny must be the king of car crash television.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gu6d0ns-JJU - Guy goes mad at Pat Kenny (the look on the faces of the women and the minister's reaction at 2:38 never fails to crack me up. I find it hilarious that someone can get so angry about Pat Kenny)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiIsIE8iT28 - Man calls Pat Kenny an "unstoppable arsehole"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nk1EOcFv3s8 - Pat Kenny gives Jerry "Seinfield" a Superman toy.

[yesitsme]

They can be the fucking worst, but they can also be the best, when they're silly and no one gets hurt:

Brian Sewell

Hailie Selassie (transcript only)

I never understood what the joke was or who it was on here.  I'm sure if I called VLS and told him I was meeting someone he'd never heard of he'd be bemused, take a note and promise to pass it on.

How's that funny?

Smug prick.

[Ignatius_S]

I've yet to be convinced that VLS isn't a total cunt. Why are we supposed to like him?

For me, it's his work.

In terms of television criticism, VLS is among the best. His reviewing for the Evening Standard was outstanding; given his links to Private Eye, I assume he's reviewed for them. Although there were sometimes recycled jokes, his writing was knowledge, perceptive and passionate – VLS actually gave a damn about television. VLS's selection of programmes was genuinely eclectic and included non-terrestrial broadcasting (e.g. Gold repeating Sykes).

Crucially, for me, he wasn't trotting out safe opinions or ones that played to the gallery. In comparison, Charlie's Brooker's TV reviewing– like his PC gaming – offered safe (but reasonably) sound opinions, which would entertain, rather than engage.

Gervais' claims that the critics didn't like The Office, can be put down to VLS' review (which wasn't that bad, but he rubbished Gervais' acting).

Radio – I'm a big fan of that work, particularly on Loose Ends. I believe Morris was an influence on him, before genuinely finding his own voice, and feel he should get some credit for that.

TV comedy shows – erratic, but a lot of fantastic material in there. Inside VLS and TV Offals demand reaction and that's not a bad thing.

Albums/prank calls – not a huge fan of prank phone calls, but a lot of his are very well done. The call to Jim'll Fix It indicates real loathing towards the show (as does his song about it) and believe it's rather revealing about how the researcher conducts herself.

Going from memory, but call to the TV evangelical preacher's call centre works well because of how the operation works and has a great pay-off.

[St_Eddie]

...The call to Jim'll Fix It indicates real loathing towards the show (as does his song about it) and believe it's rather revealing about how the researcher conducts herself.

The prank call in question.

[St_Eddie]

A couple of absolutely cringe inducing moments from Michael Barrymore...

Michael Barrymore interviews Georgie Ellis (Ruth Ellis' daughter)

Michael Barrymore royally pisses off Jedward's father

The man's a desperate hog of the limelight.

[Steven]

A couple of absolutely cringe inducing moments from Michael Barrymore...

Michael Barrymore interviews Georgie Ellis (Ruth Ellis' daughter)

Michael Barrymore royally pisses off Jedward's father

The man's a desperate hog of the limelight.

?? You posted both examples in the OP. I think I was the one to first link the Georgie Ellis interview, as being from near Rhyl I was looking up the case ages ago and found the dreadful thing. I also noticed the strange coincidence that Ruth Ellis - the last woman hanged - was from Rhyl, and James Hanratty - the last man hanged had the alibi he was in Rhyl at the time of the murder.

I happen to believe Hanratty's story, and have heard tales from local people who vouched he was there when he said he was. The trouble is he was involved in criminal activities such as being a 'fence', and therefore lied in his alibi and once he was caught doing that the whole thing was brought into question and he was fucked.

Plenty more Rhyl based facts in this thread.

EDIT. Hanratty wasn't the actual last man hanged, but one of the last three and the controversy of his case is one of the thing that ended up getting capital punishment abolished.

[St_Eddie]

?? You posted both examples in the OP.

Haha.  So I did!  What a pillock I am.  I've got a memory like a goldfish in a sieve.

[Bobloblawslawbomb]

Baddiel and Skinner had a good few car crashes as I recall. Bridget Neilsen and Johnny Rotten on fantasy football and Matthew Kelly on the Frank Skinner show spring to mind.

[millwall32]

I was referring to his infamous appearance on Jonathan Ross that you won't find online, as his management have it taken down the instant it pops up again.

Tom Waits must have a similar arrangement regarding his appearance on Channel Four's Loose Talk, as it has dropped off the internet entirely. All I could find was a transcript that doesn't quite do justice to it(and doesn't have the bit where Waits got hacked off with Ian Hislop).

http://www.tomwaitsfan.com/tom%20waits%20library/www.tomwaitslibrary.com/interviews/83-oct18-loosetalk.html

Here it is.
https://licensing.screenocean.com/r/130851

[Dropshadow]

Here it is.
https://licensing.screenocean.com/r/130851

Thanks for that - never seen it before.
I like Waits' music, but he's basically an actor playing a part. In a 1-on-1 interview situation, like the first part of this, his facade holds up to a certain extent, but it all breaks down when he participates in a group consisting of Brit iconoclasts like...... that, who see through his constructed personality, at the end. Pity poor Tom.

[Mr_Simnock]

They can be the fucking worst, but they can also be the best, when they're silly and no one gets hurt:

Brian Sewell

Hailie Selassie (transcript only)

the ones on TV offal were good, especially the one asking Derek Nimmo for a quote over the death of the queen mother in the early hours of the morning

[famethrowa]

the ones on TV offal were good, especially the one asking Derek Nimmo for a quote over the death of the queen mother in the early hours of the morning

That's my favourite, though I know some CABbers are not so enthusiastic. Whenever I hear "splendor" I have to reply "suspenders??"