Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 08:25:58 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Great great brill brill wicked wicked skill skill...

Started by Misspent Boners, May 06, 2018, 02:33:36 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

touchingcloth

Quote from: Kankurette on May 11, 2021, 01:35:05 PM
We had a few religious groups doing school assemblies in high school, including one who blindfolded me and gave me a carrot, and another one who did a cringey Nativity called Charlie's Shepherds. It was very Legz Akimbo. I did go through a brief Christian phase as a teen but it didn't last, though I do still enjoy the smell of churches (I have a thing about smells, must be the autism) and just looking at the architecture and stuff, like when my stepdad took me into a nice little old church in a village in Cambridgeshire when we were on a walk.

Where did the carrot go?

no_offenc

I can't stop looking at the flopping mat of hair she has on her head. It's like a sheet of blonde moss, adhered somewhat to her scalp

Kankurette

Quote from: touchingcloth on May 11, 2021, 01:55:53 PM
Where did the carrot go?
My mouth. I ate it. I didn't use it as a dildo, if that's what you're implying.

The Dog

Was a religious club at my school called the Teen Temple. They believed that the caretaker, Mr Temple, was the reincarnation of John the Baptist. Anyway, it got shut down after they did a massive terrorist atrocity on Mr Pike's desk.

Paul Calf

#34
Quote from: Kankurette on May 11, 2021, 01:35:05 PM
We had a few religious groups doing school assemblies in high school, including one who blindfolded me and gave me a carrot, and another one who did a cringey Nativity called Charlie's Shepherds. It was very Legz Akimbo. I did go through a brief Christian phase as a teen but it didn't last, though I do still enjoy the smell of churches (I have a thing about smells, must be the autism) and just looking at the architecture and stuff, like when my stepdad took me into a nice little old church in a village in Cambridgeshire when we were on a walk.

I've never been at all Christian but I love old churches. There's an ancient one on Goodramgate in York called the Holy Trinity that's one of my favourite places on earth. You can see the blocked-off hagioscope in the South-East wall where the lepers and other untouchables gathered to observe the services and the internal ones to help the priests synchronise services



The whole place has a lingering scent of stone and incense, old wooden box pews for the rich and flagstones worn down by 800 years of the shoes of the faithful.

I.D. Smith

Quote from: Blue Jam on May 09, 2018, 12:06:51 AM
When I started secondary school one of my new friends suggested I join "Quest Club", because she was in it and it was great and you got to stay indoors one lunchtime per week doing fun activities and you got to go on a really good school trip for free at the end of term.

"Quest Club" turned out to be the first years' own Christian Union and the school trip turned out to be a religious retreat. I got halfway through a Christian wordsearch or crossword or something before my new friend offered to save my seat while I got lunch and then just didn't bother coming back. I forget who she was now- funnily enough that friendship didn't last.

Junior Jesus-freak stuff like this just gives me the creeps. The Christian Union lot at my school were fucking weird- it's just not normal to be that age and that into religion. It's like being a Young Conservative or going on Young Apprentice or something.

I did something the same where I briefly joined Scripture Union around about 1990-1991 in Primary School, purely because a boy who I thought was cool[nb]His parents allowed him to watch Vic Reeves Big Night Out and Twin Peaks[/nb] went to it. I didn't really know what I was getting into, as it was kind of sold as a lunch time cool club, rather than an extra class about religion which I was giving up my lunch for.

All I can remember from the few sessions I attended was the teacher teaching us about the Apocrypha, and in particular a story about Teenage Jesus using his magic hands to kill a boy, purely for the crime of bumping into him in the street. Came away from the experience thinking of Jesus as basically a wido with magic powers. Like, I'm supposed to look up to this guy as my saviour?

I quit after that, but it did leave a lasting impression on me of religion being more like a gangster operation, where you need to toe the line lest you get some mob retributions, and even if you do keep your head down they might still randomly decide to beat you up to make a point, and the resulting fear and dread that comes with that hanging over your young head all the time. So I guess the class did its job then!!!

Kankurette

Jesus also cursed a fig tree for some reason. Poor tree.

Paul Calf


The Culture Bunker

We also used to get the odd Christian Youth group types doing school assemblies - it was supposed to be a Catholic school, though it didn't seem anybody involved was that arsed about it - and I remember the occasions when we'd troop into the hall and you'd hear the mutter of "fuckin' 'ell, God Squad are in again". The best you could hope for was that one of them said something so cringeworthy that it would get a light smattering of laughter from those of us paying even the slightest bit of attention.

I never knew where they came from, as they clearly weren't local - walking around Whitehaven in day glo clothes with some kind of Jesus slogan on would be a recipe for a quick trip to the hospital. Thinking back, maybe they were all failed children's TV presenters desperate for any kind of job/audience.


monkfromhavana


Lungpuddle

Aw, that top comment is adorable. I hope they remain innocent and never use google to find out what happened to their '2000s gang.'

monkfromhavana


touchingcloth

Quote from: Lungpuddle on May 12, 2021, 03:46:46 PM
Aw, that top comment is adorable. I hope they remain innocent and never use google to find out what happened to their '2000s gang.'

Every last one of them is now tattooed with "nonce".

JamesTC

Quote from: touchingcloth on May 12, 2021, 03:55:41 PM
Every last one of them is now tattooed with "nonce".

They should change the N to a B.

touchingcloth

Rape rape kill kill children children thrill thrill.

Dex Sawash


flotemysost

Quote from: Kankurette on May 11, 2021, 09:02:19 AM
We had a group like that in school called Chocolate Jam. Jam stood for 'Jesus and me'.

Tay Zonday considers rewrite (seriously though, where did the 'chocolate' part come into it?).

Feel like I've quite successfully resisted any kind of religious cult indoctrination so far, although I had it quite easy with atheist parents and a secular state education. I did refuse to join the Brownies when I was about seven because I didn't want to make the initial Brownie Promise about loving your God and serving your Queen, as I neither believed in God nor gave a shit about the Queen.

And there was the time I got audited by Scientologists aged 19 or 20 (I can be gullible as fuck) but as soon as I realised who they were and brought up their associations with Holocaust denial and racial supremacy theories they booted me out of their little office sharpish.

Big fan of old church buildings here too. Less so the charmless exhibition centre type venues which lots of new culty type churches seem to use. I used to live near the former Rainbow Theatre in Finsbury Park, now a hub of of UCKG (Universal Church of the Kingdom of God) and their countless missionaries in branded jackets would shove flyers in my face every day when I went past, often trying their luck in Spanish or Portuguese when I ignored them. I once drunkenly vomited all over their entrance when I was on my way home after a night out. They would also stuff endless bumpf through our letterbox about how joining them would solve any immigration problems, marital tensions, gambling debt, substance abuse etc.

From their website

QuoteWe believe... the Lord's Supper is the partaking of the body and blood of our Saviour in remembrance of His sacrifice until He comes.

Phwooaarr

Jasha

The Buddhists[nb] they're the bald ones who dress in orange aren't they?[/nb] were great handing out free grub in Soho though

monkfromhavana


Zetetic

Quote from: Jasha on May 13, 2021, 09:25:04 AM
The Buddhists[nb] they're the bald ones who dress in orange aren't they?[/nb] were great handing out free grub in Soho though
I'd guess the Hare Krishnas, who are broadly a Hindu cult as I understand it.

Kankurette

Or 'the Gouranga guys', as people in Chester called them. I got given one of their booklets and wasn't impressed.

JamesTC

Quote from: Jasha on May 13, 2021, 09:25:04 AM
The Buddhists[nb] they're the bald ones who dress in orange aren't they?[/nb] were great handing out free grub in Soho though

They should change the B to N.

The Culture Bunker

Quote from: Kankurette on May 13, 2021, 03:10:18 PM
Or 'the Gouranga guys', as people in Chester called them. I got given one of their booklets and wasn't impressed.
Or as some lads from just up the Wirral peninsula from Chester once put it:

"Gouranga Gouranga
Yes, I'll be happy
When you've been arrested for defacing the bridge"

jenna appleseed

Quote from: Jasha on May 11, 2021, 08:58:28 AMEvery summer on the beach in Weston super Mare there was a young church group where you just arrived ad hock in the morning. It was the usual volley ball/limbo dancing/frisbee kind of thing till storytime then it was all about Jesus/Noah/Moses.  Popular with parents who wanted a free mornings babysitter though

Sufam/Scism (probably totally misspelt) wel the late '80s to earlyish 90s versions were (changed it's name part way through), long since forgotten what they stood for - something to do with Families and Church ministry. All i really remember is a story about a saint/religious figure living in a barrel, and us regularly singing a song starting "Why don't you put your trust in Jesus" to the theme tune of Match Of The Day. eta: SU probably stood for Scripture Union.