Special Package Tours For Just Your Penis

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Now available:  Treat your penis to three nights alone in a top Italian skiing resort.  Return flights from £80; single flights £60.  One week of skiing is £150 so that's £90 for three days of skiing.

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Accommodation is £30 per night on top of all that.

Beds are 18 inches in length which is considered to be ample room for any penis to stretch out and enjoy itself.

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Another option:  all inclusive trip to and from Paris, £550 for three nights.

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The Paris trip includes at no extra cost a customised tour bus with shelving set up so that your penis can look out of the windows unsupported.

For £40 extra your penis will be entered into a prize draw to win the chance of climbing the Eiffel Tower during closing hours.

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Sounds good yeah?

[popcorn]

I was excited to learn about these, as I think having some time apart would be good for me and my penis.

Unfortunately, when I showed the brochures to my penis, it became quite upset.

[Lemming]

When are people going to wake up to the fact that you don't need to go gallivanting off around the world for a quality, enjoyable, memory-making penis holiday when you can find everything you need right here in good old Britain?

I sent my cock to Scarborough last summer and a wonderful time was had, although I did find some kind of unexplained rash developing on my cock shortly after it returned. I've got a cock day-trip to York planned too, it'll be good to get some time to myself while my cock explores the rich history-filled streets of one of our nation's oldest cities.

[Gregory Torso]

Before readers get too excited about this opportunity, a cautionary tale:

In 2009, I took a Lufthansa Airbus from Manchester to Munich, en route to Ansbach where I intended to spend a fortnight genuflecting before the headstone of Kaspar Hauser.
The flight was overbooked, and it was full of penises. I found myself swamped in them, ten, maybe twenty to a seat. It was chaos. The cabin crew abandoned the entire economy class, leaving the penises to ransack the minifridges and well, reader, if you can picture a seething mass of crawling, leaping and singing cocks all shitty-drunk on Courvoisier miniatures, then you can imagine the hell of that flight.

2/10. Always check that your flight is penis-free.

[Neville Chamberlain]

My penis is currently away on business on a fact-finding tour of the Baltic states.

[seepage]

and you believed it?

[hamfist]

me : Almost time Percy ! Excited ?

my penis : [pukes]