Unmade films

[Alberon]

Not all films get through the development process, some fall by the wayside before they can get released on an unsuspecting public.

Films like -

King Rollo: Blood and Thunder - Remake of classic kids animation reimagined as a bloodier and grittier Game of Thrones.

Superbman V: Superbman Goes to the Shops for Some Fags - Abandoned as the technology didn't exist then to realise the vision.

Pigeon Street: The Movie - $200m wasted on pre-development over a period of twelve years before being cancelled. Names attached to the project over this time include Sir Patrick Stewart, Cleo Rocos, a CGI toilet and the animated corpse of Leo McKern.

Constantine - A live action version of the Vertigo comic, but instead of John Constantine being blond haired and British he had black hair, an American accent and couldn't act for fucking toffee!

The Godfather Part 12 - Abandoned late in the editing stage when it was realised they hadn't made parts 4 to 11 yet.

[PeasOnSticks]

Hocus Pocus (dir. Woody Allen)  Willy Roll Morton, a neurotic magician with an overbearing mother, gets mixed up in the criminal underworld when he falls in love with a mob boss's daughter while playing her 14th birthday party. Willy escapes to the Hamptons summer house of his friend Gabe DuBois, a professor of ethics at Columbia, only to find himself falling under the spell of Gabe's WASP-ish alcoholic wife Ella Fitzgerald. Seething with jealousy, Gabe secretly invites the mob boss and his daughter to a 4th of July dinner party at the summer house, and it seems all Willy's chickens have come home to roost. Using an old magic trick, Willy attempts to make the boss disappear, but only succeeds in disappearing the lavish buffet spread, to the consternation of Gabe's black butler's black prostitute wife. As the boss's henchmen advance on Willy, a freak tidal wave engulfs the summer house, drowning all the guests but Willy and an elderly Jewish philosopher. The film ends with Willy and the philosopher discussing the roles of fate and luck in human affairs.

The lavish sets are so convincing that it's hard to believe the film is Allen's second to be shot in Belarus, following last year's Midnight Minsk Mystery.

Starring: Woody Allen, Ricky Gervais, Britney Spears, Jimmy Fallon, & Cher.

[Glebe]

The Chuckle Brothers go to San Francisco. - This Joe Eszterhas-written treatment saw Barry and Paul book a flight from Rotherham to New York, then hire a van and take a wild trip across America, baby! By the time they get to 'frisco, they're so stoned they end up pulling a wacky bank robbery and running around Haight-Ashbury disturbing the stolen cash, shouting "Screw the system, man!" and similar such phrases at the top of their little lungs!

[Huxleys Babkins]

Spiders-Man 3

When bitten by a genetically modified spider and another completely different normal spider at the same time, a nerdy, shy, and awkward high school student gains spider-like abilities and an extra penis that he eventually must use to fight evil as a superhero after tragedy befalls him.

Cancelled after legal action from Sony Pictures and Marvel due to startling similarities with their own production, Captain Twococks