Key Stage 2 SATs Practice Questions

[Replies From View]

1)  A fisherman's Clive is most likely to be discovered mounting its...

(tick one)

a) genital region
b) ribs
c) dyrebold
d) suiniff

[Huxleys Babkins]

34) Gary and Darren are going to a music festival by bus. Gary lives 40 miles from the festival. Darren lives 3 miles from Gary's house and 1 mile from the war memorial. Which bus should they take to arrive at the festival on time?

a) 1A
b) 159
c) The Gredfold Flyer
d) 28

[pancreas]

27) Pick the odd one out:

A) Anne of Cleethorpes
B) Catherine of Arrogance
C) Jane Seemwhore
D) Katy Parry

[DangledTeeth]

What is the nationality of English rock band The Rolling Stones?

A) Canadian
B) The Beatles
C) English
D) None of the above

[Huxleys Babkins]

17) Seventeen?

a) Yes please.
b) Henry V.
c) No thanks.
d) Seventeen.

[seepage]

Semester) A staple of the salmon's diet is:

a) pencils
b) The Daily Mail
c) pink
d) the filth dimension

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

27) Pick the odd one out:

A) Anne of Cleethorpes
B) Catherine of Arrogance
C) Jane Seemwhore
D) Katy Parry

Laughed at B

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14) Read the passage carefully and point at the first sentence.  Now circle the word that implies the man is experiencing sexual arousal.

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6) Divine the following using the inverse:

(circle one)

a) partial meekness with aspirations of eventually becoming a police constable
b) the tombstone contained the wrong surnames
c) eating the wrong biscuits made him grow earrings

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18) Describe the pieces of Simon's mouth.  Explain why Jenny considered them "more horrible than A Maddy's Corpse" (line 9). 

(2 marks for a complete answer)

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7) Show understanding of sexual intercourse.

[dex]

1c. How are you today? Express your answer in standard form.

[Huxleys Babkins]

56) Who done the war?

a) Germani
b) Clopetra
c) Paracetemal
d) Foggeh!

[Huxleys Babkins]

21) Deborah and Beth are lovers. Deborah has 13 milk bottle tops. Beth has a television but it can only receive French channels due to a technical fault. How many children do they have?

1) One
2) Two
3) Free
4) Tree

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17) Which of these sentences is written in Standard English?

(tick one)

a) John done a poo.

b) Hey Miss, John has did a poo.

c) Madam, I beseech you to observe that over there, in the corner, John have doing a poo.

d) HEY YOU FAT CUNT, JOHN HAS LAID A CABLE OF SHIT ON THE CARPET AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU INTEND TO DO ABOUT IT.

[Huxleys Babkins]

17) Which of these sentences is written in Standard English?

(tick one)

a) John done a poo.

b) Hey Miss, John has did a poo.

c) Madam, I beseech you to observe that over there, in the corner, John have doing a poo.

d) HEY YOU FAT CUNT, JOHN HAS LAID A CABLE OF SHIT ON THE CARPET AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU INTEND TO DO ABOUT IT.

Karma

67) Listen to Track 32 on the CD. What is making this sound?

a) Oboe
b) Bassoon
c) Cello
d) Your mum's fat arse

[Twit 2]

Reading Paper:

Text 1: Pterodactyls with piping bags full of dogshit for beaks - a non-chronological report, focussing on conservation efforts.
Text 2: Bruce Forsyth - a 4 verse rhyming poem about a dead entertainer.
Text 3: Al The Funkee Homo Sapien's Dream - an extract from a novel in which a young boy finds a portal into the head of an online comedy forum poster.

Number these events 1 - 5 in the order they happened:

You kill yourself
You go bald
You realise you're phimotic
You get sectioned
You crap yourself

Find and copy one word which means the same as 'valve'.

Indicate which are facts and which are opinions:

Paulie Walnuts is a cunt
Biggtitbo looks weird
Nathan Barley is rubbish

Spelling, Punctuation and Grammar:

Clowne. Your arses will never be the same after Clowne. The word is Clowne.

Change 'wank and cry' to the present progressive tense.

What word class is 'frot'?

Paper 3: Reasoning:

Legend Gary says, 'If I drink 14 pints and piss in 7 flowerpots I will have 25% of my piss spent'. Explain why he is wrong, showing your calculations.

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V good, Twit 2.  You work in a primary school too, I take it?

[Twit 2]

No, but you pick up a lot from the bushes.

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No, but you pick up a lot from the bushes.

Well, your post was very thorough and tonally spot on.  If that's what rubs off in the bushes these days then I am impressed.

[Captain Z]

3) What shape am I thinking of? Circle the correct answer.

a) Circle
b) Square

[Glebe]

An umphlagee's phimosis is worth:

a) A coupla bucks
b) A shilling and five
c) £2.95, Poundland

[thraxx]

TRUE STORY RIGHT YEAH ONE OF MY MATES IN HIS EXAM GOT THE QUESTION WHAT IS AN ESSAY LOL AND HE WROTE "THIS IS." PUT HIS PEN DOWN AND WALKED OUT OF THE EXAM RIGHT... GOT FULL MARKS DINNEE

Correct Response:  MMM CHINNY RECK-ONN