VERSUS 2017: Round 1

[poo]

Live from Function Room 2, Merthyr Tydfil Leisure Centre - the first round draw:


1. Tommy Boyd vs. John Wanoa
2. Goodluck Jonathan vs. Argos Universal Slut
3. Decoy Blowjob Goblins vs. Michael Perkins
4. Golly Fudge vs. Inserty Insertesson
5. French Pegging vs. Tugnasty and Cloon
6. Dar Eggwe vs. Smirnigan Glentense-o-Paed
7. Situation Klimpt vs. Pwn Friday
8. Gopping Sod vs. Technology Egg
9. Pengboten Insane-o-Gash vs. Spitty Human Cock Slave
10. Lee Bente' vs. Beeg Jenkins
11. Digital Sex Wasp vs. Gloylot the Glen-Lonely Potty Clowne
12. Coddy vs. Secondary Arse
13. Frot Golem Henry vs. GRAVE
14. Buttman and Rocco vs. Baldigreg Nonretract-o-Forsk
15. 7egg vs. Blac Chyna's Anus
16. Bung's Homunculus  vs. Guangdong La Mer
17. Bacon and Eggwe vs. Beans & Penises
18. The Bumless Clowne vs. Dorset Stool Rescue
19. Ponzie vs. Terrible Dr Forskoid
20. The ASDA Butcher vs. Shit 4 Cunts
21. Pan-Galactic Finger Weasel No. 3744901 vs. Turville
22. Bunzle Eggwe vs. Glyn
23. Mongbit Intense-o-Pead vs. Tertiary Arse
24. Foreskie the Foreskin vs. Gary's Nan
25. The Walvis Bay Cum Dragon vs. Greg 2
26. Lickouty Lickoutersson vs. Pacquois du Menthe
27. Frotmaglen vs. Swansea Anus Inspector
28. G-Length vs. Psychology Turd
29. Sweetcorn Du Madre vs. Frot Golem Simon
30. Judge Prepuce vs. Drunk Toadfish from Neighbours
31. Gloucester Military Lighthouse vs. The Man with the Cunt Up His Arse
32. Your Dad vs. Leicester Lick-Out King
33. Tim Henman vs. Karl & Conjoined Anus Karl
34. Bean Beanland vs. Donald John Trump
35. Ronnie Pickering vs. The Happy Lozenge
36. Nige vs. 24/7 Bottie Tug
37. Ranjit the Cum-Crazy vs. Orville the Mouse
38. Anal Cum Queen vs. Archbishop Desmond Poontang
39. Length Acceptance vs. The Human Cum Tidy
40. Professor Sex vs. Captian Pea-Coddy
41. Shane Ritchie vs. Thick Heavy Welsh Cock
42. The Goblin vs. Greginald Cackman
43. Terringboldt Comely-Bunt vs. Roy: Breeding Missionary Scarecrow
44. Purple Aki vs. Hitler
45. Simon Clowsexy vs. Speculums & Antennae
46. Pork Hammer Xtrem vs. Jenkins
47. Susan Boswego vs. The Thoughtful Rapist
48. Piebald the Jizzy Gypsy vs. Stop, Look, Glisten
49. French Bumming in the USA vs. The New Royal Baby
50. Paranormal Tits Hag vs. Mister Brindley
51. Ultimate Probe vs. Spacedockers.com
52. The Bottie Slaves from Alpha Proxima vs. Legend Gary
53. The Wally Milkers from Biffre World 7 vs. Father Christmas
54. Nick Knowles vs. Night Soil Man
55. BritainFirst XI vs. G3KH(FP)
56. Total Cum Solutions plc vs. Loggy Shallots
57. Glengarry Glen-Egg vs. Ian Hardcore
58. Neptunian Sperm Dervish vs. The Harlequins from Epsilon 5
59. Space AIDS vs. John Higgins
60. 22nd Crab Nebula Pwn Jesters vs. DJ insertion
61. Eggdillis 9 vs. A Stooligong is a Gooligong
62. Fart Club Swindon vs. A Gary called Alan
63. Cocks Going In and Out vs. The Bum-Hungry Jugout Smirn
64. Oswestry Wanking Club vs. The Bosun
65. Frotty LaTour vs. Cunts McGuigan
66. Jason Megma vs. Knuckle Deep
67. Loose Floppy Anus (LFA) vs. Foreskyne du Monde
68. Buldwyn Wubber-Borskyne vs. Nolly Eggwe
69. Pubes Daz vs. Jugbian Quiche Ogre
70. Ginger Colin vs. The Pierrots from Sector 9
71. The Ponce of Bulba vs. The Bicester Walrus
72. Greg vs. A Shitty Clown is a Spitty Clowne
73. Frankenbulb vs. The Pies Have Eyes!
74. The Man with the Oystery Bell vs. Gupta de Mingmong's Horrible Poon Grayson
75. Slut vs. Sperm Behemoth
76. Roy Jay vs. Simon Adebisi
77. Skullfucka vs. Jingbot T. Nippelhaus
78. Juggy vs. Frot Golem Ian
79. Zbiderman Eggwe vs. The Masked Anus
80. Paul Ross vs. Armitage Wanks
81. Graveraper  vs. The Gaping Anus of Chris
82. Art of the Hyperbeavre vs. Porknell Boswego
83. Glans Patrol vs. Girth on that
84. St John Smythe vs. Cum Dump
85. Lance Corporal Boiled Egg vs. Paedos in Garyland
86. Shit n' Onions vs. Gunty Verpoohausen
87. Scum vs. Cackman Biffre
88. Sociopathic Powerslut II vs. Toad!
89. Dog Shit vs. Venusian Sex Blob
90. Marc Almond vs. Greased-Up Fuck Loony
91. The Shitty Owl vs. Russell Grant
92. Fingerblast 3000 vs. Peen (and the Bottie Oyst)
93. Bingtown Wasp Man vs. Lemon Party 2
94. The Lick-Out Twins vs. The Gumbie Island Frot Preep
95. The Parsnip Sisters vs. Poos Mitchell
96. This Cunt: http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?action=profile vs. Poo on Stilts
97. Billtong Kenny-Eggwe vs. Trago Mills Nightwatchmen
98. Sexy Plague Doctor vs. Cum Henry 2.0
99. Zip, Lob, Suck, Shoot vs. Papa-John Weenus
100. Dr Porkinson vs. Death Glans
101. Homeless Ian Beale vs. Smeng the Cunt
102. Anal Cum King vs. Peter Donald Ebdon
103. Mr Hen vs. Cat Silage
104. The Mull of Lak Toon vs. Ghost Oral
105. Tony Drago 147 vs. Darren
106. Bogluv Sumcunt vs. Cummy Dr Forskoid
107. Pottay Mang Jeffre vs. Stooligreg Hurtybum
108. Berliner AssHaus vs. Penis-Me-Owl-Tidy
109. The Smego-Fecal Nexus vs. Droitwich Turd Burglar
110. Steve McDonald off of Coronation Street vs. Bryan McClownbiff
111. Eurobeak vs. Randi Bison
112. Mizbet the Skull-Fucking Scarecrow vs. Jugtown La Mer
113. Terry the Rapist vs. Damocles The Sausage
114. Mysterious Erection vs. Lionel Boswego
115. Ted Hankey vs. Shaheen Jafargholi
116. The Devonshire Poo Pusher vs. Gogknobbin Von Egg
117. Pure Cornish Anal vs. Dugbo (Interstellar space simpleton with a permanent erection)
118. South Wales Heavy Cummers vs. Edvald Boasson Hagen
119. Smengolin Rotundoforsk vs. Will-o-the-Wisp Gone Nasty
120. Dos Meirot vs. Stazione de Beavre
121. Milky Way Smother Crab vs. Sperm Hog
122. An tSaoi vs. Chwaraeteg Adebowale
123. The Man with the Arse Up His Arse vs. Labia and Co.
124. The German with the little sweaty penis vs. Ngary Ngary
125. Chauntcey Boswego vs. Slit Vicki
126. Revenge Dildo vs. Milverton
127. Scotch Egg on Stilts vs. An Alan called Gary
128. Your Mum vs. The Ombudsman

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Karl & Conjoined Anus Karl are going love that matchup

[pancreas]

Hang on, Porknell Boswego is only a year and three months old! Is this really an appropriate activity for an infant?

[Cuellar]

Loyalties divided in the Your Dad v. Leicester Lick-out King match

Pretty confident that South Wales Heavy Cummers will see off Edvald Boasson Hagen though.

Buldwyn Wubber-Borskyne vs. Nolly Eggwe - what a prospect. Pick of the round?

[Captain Z]

11. Digital Sex Wasp vs. Gloylot the Glen-Lonely Potty Clowne

Bollocks. I got DSW in the office sweepstake.

[hamfist]

Pubes Daz vs. Jugbian Quiche Ogre

srsly worried for Daz here. he was put up to it by Ledge, has no idea what he's in for, then draws a fucking Jugbian. He'll have to sign the waivers too, and he will or Ledge will call him a poof again.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Hang on, Porknell Boswego is only a year and three months old! Is this really an appropriate activity for an infant?

Not even five

[BlodwynPig]

Loyalties divided in the Your Dad v. Leicester Lick-out King match

Pretty confident that South Wales Heavy Cummers will see off Edvald Boasson Hagen though.

Buldwyn Wubber-Borskyne vs. Nolly Eggwe - what a prospect. Pick of the round?

Got to back Buldwyn against the MSM favourite

[Cuellar]

Yeah well you would say that.

Either way it's going to be tight! Won't be afterwards, though.

[Fambo Number Mive]

What time should one get there to watch? And will there be an opportunity to pop out for snacks or can one bring their own?

[Ferris]

Already got my tickets

[Cuellar]

I imagine you'll want to get there pretty early to get a good seat, one where you can avoid the majority of the spray (or get the majority of it, depending on your tastes!!!)

[Ferris]

I still got my waterproof poncho from VERSUS 2014 so I'll be right up the front.

[BlodwynPig]

Already got my tickets

First round is June 7th, mate....mate!

[Dr Trouser]

54. Nick Knowles vs. Night Soil Man

I hope this isn't part of his Louis Theroux inspired 'funky fridays' show, as it would sort of cheapen the sport. If he's appearing in his own right (I think I'm right in that he was quite a high level amatuer in his youth?) then fair enough.

Either way, Night Soil Man gonna fuck him right up

[Ferris]

First round is June 7th, mate....mate!

Already chartered the jet. What a day of sport June 7th will be!

[Gregory Torso]

Homeless Ian Beale is fucking going down. Nae chance.

[Huxleys Babkins]

What time should one get there to watch? And will there be an opportunity to pop out for snacks or can one bring their own?

I'm bringing a flask of raspberry Bovril and there's enough for everyone!

[Mr Eggs]

31. Gloucester Military Lighthouse vs. The Man with the Cunt Up His Arse

GML should have too much for TMWTCUHA

[Ferris]

Homeless Ian Beale is fucking going down.

That's half his strategy though. Still won't win.

[Mr Eggs]

Owl Hat Uncovered fans should get behind Captain Pea Cody and just shut the fuck up.

[Sgt. Duckie]

I got a Greggs sausage roll riding on Beeg Jenkins.

[poo]

Results are in. Apparently, there was so much cum, and shit with bits of onion in it that Merthyr Leisure Centre has employed an additional cleaner on a temporary basis.


1. Tommy Boyd 7 - 6 John Wanoa
2. Goodluck Jonathan 10 - 9 Argos Universal Slut
3. Decoy Blowjob Goblins 7 - 2 Michael Perkins
4. Golly Fudge 8 - 6 Inserty Insertesson
5. French Pegging 7 - 2 Tugnasty and Cloon
6. Dar Eggwe 9 - 3 Smirnigan Glentense-o-Paed
7. Situation Klimpt 9 - 2 Pwn Friday
8. Gopping Sod 4 - 6 Technology Egg
9. Pengboten Insane-o-Gash 2 - 7 Spitty Human Cock Slave
10. Lee Bente' 7 - 7 Beeg Jenkins (3 - 6 gape-off)
11. Digital Sex Wasp 2 - 7 Gloylot  the Glen-Lonely Potty Clowne
12. Coddy 5 - 7 Secondary Arse
13. Frot Golem Henry 8 - 9 GRAVE
14. Buttman and Rocco 1 - 8 Baldigreg Nonretract-o-Forsk
15. 7egg 3 - 4 Blac Chyna's Anus
16. Bung's Homunculus  8 - 9 Guangdong La Mer
17. Bacon and Eggwe 4 - 2 Beans & Penises
18. The Bumless Clowne 6 - 7 Dorset Stool Rescue
19. Ponzie 6 - 5 Terrible Dr Forskoid
20. The ASDA Butcher 3 - 8 Shit 4 Cunts
21. Pan-Galactic Finger Weasel No. 3744901 6 - 2 Turville
22. Bunzle Eggwe 2 - 4 Glyn
23. Mongbit Intense-o-Pead 2 - 5 Tertiary Arse
24. Foreskie the Foreskin 4 - 1 Gary's Nan
25. The Walvis Bay Cum Dragon 6 - 8 Greg 2
26. Lickouty Lickoutersson 4 - 2 Pacquois du Menthe
27. Frotmaglen 2 - 6 Swansea Anus Inspector
28. G-Length 10 - 5 Psychology Turd
29. Sweetcorn Du Madre 6 - 9 Frot Golem Simon
30. Judge Prepuce 9 - 6 Drunk Toadfish from Neighbours
31. Gloucester Military Lighthouse 3 - 9 The Man with the Cunt Up His Arse
32. Your Dad 1 - 4 Leicester Lick-Out King
33. Tim Henman 9 - 10  Karl & Conjoined Anus Karl
34. Bean Beanland 5 - 4 Donald John Trump
35. Ronnie Pickering 6 - 10 The Happy Lozenge
36. Nige 5 - 2 24/7 Bottie Tug
37. Ranjit the Cum-Crazy 8 - 2 Orville the Mouse
38. Anal Cum Queen 7 - 6 Archbishop Desmond Poontang
39. Length Acceptance 3 - 7 The Human Cum Tidy
40. Professor Sex 5 - 5 Gaptian Pea-Coddy (4 - 8 gape-off)
41. Shane Ritchie 2 - 9 Thick Heavy Welsh Cock
42. The Goblin 5 - 7 Greginald Cackman
43. Terringboldt Comely-Bunt 7 - 7 Roy: Breeding Missionary Scarecrow ( 2 -1 gape-off)
44. Purple Aki 6 - 3 Hitler
45. Simon Clowsnexy 3 - 9 Speculums & Antennae
46. Pork Hammer Xtrem 3 - 9 Jenkins
47. Susan Boswego 3 - 3 The Thoughtful Rapist (4 - 7 gape-off)
48. Piebald the Jizzy Gypsy 6 - 8 Stop, Look, Glisten
49. French Bumming in the USA 9 - 5 The New Royal Baby
50. Paranormal Tits Hag 7 - 7 Mister Brindley (0 - 10 gape - off)
51. Ultimate Probe 7 - 4 Spacedockers.com
52. The Bottie Slaves from Alpha Proxima 7 - 1 Legend Gary
53. The Wally Milkers from Biffre World 7 7 - 7 Father Christmas ( 8 - 1 gape-off)
54. Nick Knowles 6 - 3 Night Soil Man
55. BritainFirst XI 9 - 1 G3KH(FP)
56. Total Cum Solutions plc 5 - 3 Loggy Shallots
57. Glengarry Glen-Egg 4 - 5 Ian Hardcore
58. Neptunian Sperm Dervish 4 - 7 The Harlequins from Epsilon 5
59. Space AIDS 4 - 3 John Higgins
60. 22nd Crab Nebula Pwn Jesters 2 - 10 DJ insertion
61. Eggdillis 9 9 - 5 A Stooligong is a Gooligong
62. Fart Club Swindon 2 - 7 A Gary called Alan
63. Cocks Going In and Out 6 - 1 The Bum-Hungry Jugout Smirn
64. Oswestry Wanking Club 4 - 9 The Bosun
65. Frotty LaTour 9 - 8 Cunts McGuigan
66. Jason Megma 8 - 2 Knuckle Deep
67. Loose Floppy Anus (LFA) 3 - 2 Foreskyne du Monde
68. Buldwyn Wubber-Borskyne 2 - 2 Nolly Eggwe (1 - 1 gape-off) (1 - 2 frot race)
69. Pubes Daz 3 - 7 Jugbian Quiche Ogre
70. Ginger Colin 4 - 7 The Pierrots from Sector 9
71. The Ponce of Bulba 2 - 7 The Bicester Walrus
72. Greg 7 - 10 A Shitty Clown is a Spitty Clowne
73. Frankenbulb 7 - 4 The Pies Have Eyes!
74. The Man with the Oystery Bell 5 - 8 Gupta de Mingmong's Horrible Poon Grayson
75. Slut 6 - 6 Sperm Behemoth (5 - 7 gape-off)
76. Roy Jay 4 - 9 Simon Adebisi
77. Skullfucka 2 - 9 Jingbot T. Nippelhaus
78. Juggy 8 - 4 Frot Golem Ian
79. Zbiderman Eggwe 7 - 9 The Masked Anus
80. Paul Ross 2 - 1 Armitage Wanks
81. Graveraper  7 - 10 The Gaping Anus of Chris
82. Art of the Hyperbeavre 4 - 10 Porknell Boswego
83. Glans Patrol 1 - 9 Girth on that
84. St John Smythe 3 - 9 Cum Dump
85. Lance Corporal Boiled Egg 8 - 5 Paedos in Garyland
86. Shit n' Onions 5 - 9 Gunty Verpoohausen
87. Scum 2 - 4 Cackman Biffre
88. Sociopathic Powerslut II 4 - 3 Toad!
89. Dog Shit 9 - 5 Venusian Sex Blob
90. Marc Almond 8 - 8 Greased-Up Fuck Loony (10 - 1 gape-off)
91. The Shitty Owl 9 - 7 Russell Grant
92. Fingerblast 3000 9 - 2 Peen (and the Bottie Oyst)
93. Bingtown Wasp Man 2 - 2 Lemon Party 2 (3 - 4 gape-off)
94. The Lick-Out Twins 8 - 2 The Gumbie Island Frot Preep
95. The Parsnip Sisters 8 - 3 Poos Mitchell
96. This Cunt: http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?action=profile 6 - 3 Poo on Stilts
97. Billtong Kenny-Eggwe 5 - 3 Trago Mills Nightwatchmen
98. Sexy Plague Doctor 5 - 1 Cum Henry 2.0
99. Zip, Lob, Suck, Shoot 8 - 8 Papa-John Weenus (2 - 9 gape-off)
100. Dr Porkinson 7 - 3 Death Glans
101. Homeless Ian Beale 9 - 8 Smeng the Cunt
102. Anal Cum King 6 - 5 Peter Donald Ebdon
103. Mr Hen 3 - 10 Cat Silage
104. The Mull of Lak Toon 9 - 2 Ghost Oral
105. Tony Drago 147 5 - 5 Darren (3 - 4 gape-off)
106. Bogluv Sumcunt 2 - 5 Cummy Dr Forskoid
107. Pottay Mang Jeffre 8 - 5 Stooligreg Hurtybum
108. Berliner AssHaus 5 - 4 Penis-Me-Owl-Tidy
109. The Smego-Fecal Nexus 9 - 9 Droitwich Turd Burglar (6 - 7 gape-off)
110. Steve McDonald off of Coronation Street 3 - 7 Bryan McClownbiff
111. Eurobeak 4 - 4 Randi Bison (5 - 10 gape-off)
112. Mizbet the Skull-Fucking Scarecrow 7 - 6 Jugtown La Mer
113. Terry the Rapist 5 - 6 Damocles The Sausage
114. Mysterious Erection 3 - 4 Lionel Boswego
115. Ted Hankey 1 - 4 Shaheen Jafargholi
116. The Devonshire Poo Pusher 8 - 2 Gogknobbin Von Egg
117. Pure Cornish Anal 7 - 9 Dugbo (Interstellar space simpleton with a permanent erection)
118. South Wales Heavy Cummers 6 - 2 Edvald Boasson Hagen
119. Smengolin Rotundoforsk 10 - 4 Will-o-the-Wisp Gone Nasty
120. Dos Meirot 8 - 8 Stazione du Beavre (2 - 1 gape-off)
121. Milky Way Smother Crab 8 - 9 Sperm Hog
122. An tSaoi 5 - 8 Chwaraeteg Adebowale
123. The Man with the Arse Up His Arse 4 - 4 Labia and Co. ( 9 - 1 gape-off)
124. The German with the little sweaty penis 8 - 2 Ngary Ngary
125. Chauntcey Boswego 10 - 8 Slit Vicki
126. Revenge Dildo 5 - 7 Milverton
127. Scotch Egg on Stilts 2 - 3 An Alan called Gary
128. Your Mum 6 - 4 The Ombudsman

[Norton Canes]

I can't believe Sky showed the Space AIDS match. The Smego-Fecal Nexus/Droitwich Turd Burglar gape-off was fucking brutal.

[Cuellar]

Glad to see SWHC and LLOK through pretty much unscathed.

Papa-John Weenus was VERY lucky, in my opinion. Zip, Lob, Suck, Shoot lost all confidence after that early, very controversial decision in the gape off. Was neck and neck up til then.

[BlodwynPig]

Buldwyn was robbed (deffo a false floppy by Nolly), all my money on Sperm Hog now

[Huxleys Babkins]

Just need to say (and you know who you are), putting Kettle Crisps into my hot flask of raspberry Bovril (or Rasbovs as some of the lads were calling it) and spoiling it for everyone is bang out of order. Overshadowed a great night.

[Dr Trouser]

Fucking Nick Knowles. It's only by virtue of rolling up his TV licence and embedding it in his sphincter that he was able to see off Night Soil Man.

Nothing in the rules against it, but surely it's against the spirit of Versus? Hope they close that gaping loop hole before the next round.

[Dex Sawash]

Mate. Gaping Loop Hole is taking 2017 off

[Mr Eggs]

Pleased for Purple Aki but gutted for Hitler.