Author Topic: Forgotten Heroes of History  (Read 186 times)

Fry

  • BIG UNIT
Forgotten Heroes of History
« on: May 16, 2018, 05:32:50 PM »


Alan Swythy
The first Welshman to crack an acorn with his arse. Hanged until dead for confusing a fat maiden.



St. Cutteridge Corwynian
Lead the "Wankleman's revolt" and founded the Wankleman's Guild. Was boiled alive for "lying" after telling the pope about Chinese people. Was canonised after proof of Chinese people was found and everyone felt really guilty. A recent source of controversy in the Catholic church after contemporary sources indicate he was in fact making it up and just got incredibly lucky!



Sylvia Fulsteinwolstin
First female businesswoman, sold tittymilk as a cure for the "Parson's Droop". Broke her neck after her horse, startled by another slightly gayer horse, bucked her off.

Fry

  • BIG UNIT
Re: Forgotten Heroes of History
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2018, 05:48:20 PM »


Stanley Wydestock

Young sailor thought to have discovered the cure for consumption 200 years earlier than previously known. However the cure was lost when Stanley was abandoned on an island with no provisions. Shipmates claimed "he wouldn't stop fucking singing his stupid fucking song".

seepage

  • throwing a dog at some goblins
Re: Forgotten Heroes of History
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2018, 08:56:40 PM »



St. Cutteridge Corwynian
Lead the "Wankleman's revolt" and founded the Wankleman's Guild. Was boiled alive for "lying" after telling the pope about Chinese people. Was canonised after proof of Chinese people was found and everyone felt really guilty. A recent source of controversy in the Catholic church after contemporary sources indicate he was in fact making it up and just got incredibly lucky!


Alex Salmond's looking well

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: Forgotten Heroes of History
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2018, 01:24:44 PM »


Bob and Thomas Crestfallen
Single-handedly fought back the Purple Carrot plague of 1345, and went on to invent naked square dancing. It didn't catch on.
In 1348 Bob was arrested for injuring a child while riding a cart under the influence of mead. They were both rightfully burnt at the stake in 1349.

Glebe

  • Love lifts us up where we belong.
Re: Forgotten Heroes of History
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2018, 03:02:32 PM »


Pieter 'Five-Smiggs' Velcrotestes.

Born c.1220, he was a lazy, rakish fellow, but soon mended his ways and became a kindly monk. However, c.1240, a passing witch attempted to turn him into a donkey. He managed to run off before the spell was complete, however, and managed to hold on to his flipping face. He danced with joy 'til the end of his days.