How do you greet horses (and other animals)?

[Barry Admin]

Yesterday my walking, PoGo playing and health quest took me to Comber, a small quiet town near Strangford Lough. I'd passed through it many times while cycling, but it all looks quite different on foot. I'd never noticed all the batshit insane Masonic stuff, for starters:



Anyway, when I got there I found the locals to be very friendly:



This lovely big fella came right over to me to say hello. He hung his big face over the fence somewhat expectedly.

I wasn't sure what to do though, so I offered him the back of my hand, and he seeemed to take my scent. I wanted to stroke his face, or something, but he'd slightly flinch when I lifted my hand and moved it towards him.

Is there a good appropriate method here, or did we just not have enough trust between us?  I know cats don't much like you jabbing towards their face from the front, so is there a similar greeting protocol with horses?

[pancreas]

[tag] kill it, fuck it, eat it [/tag]

[Sebastian Cobb]

Usually if it's a head over the fence job I'd stroke the neck/side of the head first. You can stroke under the mouth but horses can be bitey.

[Sexton Brackets Drugbust]

Gently blow in its nostrils, dude.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Horses tend to be wary of strangers so his flinching is quite normal. They calm down with time or a bit quicker if you have some carrots or apples to give them.

I was once followed by a rather tame but aggressive and persistent young horse who'd clearly been used to passing walkers giving him food. He followed me and kept nudging my rucksack with his muzzle as if to say "go on, cough up your fruit and veg that you absolutely must have on you because why else would you be carrying a bag?" I had to lead him to an area of long, fresh grass to distract him so I could get away.

My girlfriend once tried to convince my son that he had nothing to fear from the wild horses we encountered in the New Forest by approaching one and stroking it on the muzzle. Ten seconds later he's gone to bite her hand and taken her whole jacket sleeve off in the process. My son is now absolutely petrified of horses.

[biggytitbo]

I just say hello and shake them by the hand/paw/claw/hoof/beak, maybe pet them, suck them off etc if they're friendly.

[Wet Blanket]

I just say hello and shake them by the hand/paw/claw/hoof/beak, maybe pet them, suck them off etc.

That's quite the introduction for a horse. They've got massive tallywhackers.

[Dr Syntax Head]

Horses love it when you punch them full in the snout. Shows them who's in control. The arrogant bastards always try to get you on the back foot.

[biggytitbo]

That's quite the introduction for a horse. They've got massive tallywhackers.

I only suck off smaller animals like dogs and field mice.

[Goldentony]

more or less every animal, but especially dogs, I like to go HOHOOOO HERE HE IS LOOK AT YOU HAHAAAA HE LOVES IT which was born from whenever i'd see a dog i'd say to myself HAHAHAHAHA LOOK AT HIM HAHA HE LOVES A WALK DOESNT HE THERE HE GOES LOVING THE WALK HAHA JUST BOUNCING ALONG GOODSPEED DOG LAD because my default greeting before that was sort of melting at how lovely the particular dog or animal was and going NOOOOOOO like I couldn't believe it

[bgmnts]

Did you get him in one of your pokeballs?

[idunnosomename]

HORSEMON I CHOOSE YOU

[Captain Crunch]

My girlfriend once tried to convince my son that he had nothing to fear from the wild horses we encountered in the New Forest by approaching one and stroking it on the muzzle. Ten seconds later he's gone to bite her hand and taken her whole jacket sleeve off in the process. My son is now absolutely petrified of horses.

Rightly so, bloody vicious things no wonder the police use them as weapons. 

[Steven]

That's quite the introduction for a horse. They've got massive tallywhackers.

Just a tip: just a tip.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Stab their eyes out. Preferably after seeing Jenny Agutter in the nip.

[Steven]

Myself and a mate went camping behind the Uni once, we took big bottles of vodka with us and were twatted, went scrambling about the forest at shit o' clock in the morning and came across a field with two horses in it. I managed to climb on top of the smaller one and ride around a bit as it didn't give much of a fuck, but my mate got thrown off the other one and started vomiting. It's only years later I realise approaching from the back and climbing on, the horse could instinctively kick back and give you serious brain damage, or to a more serious extent in our case. Later on we tried to climb over a fence which we found to be electrocuted, I lay my leather jacket over it and managed to roll over, my mate tried to jump it but landed square on his bollocks and started screaming as he was presumably electrocuted and started strangely vomiting white stuff like he was in a David Lynch movie. Wasn't his night.

[Neville Chamberlain]

I just greet them like I greet people, self-service checkouts etc. A little wave and a nod, maybe an "awright!"

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

'Well, horse'.

[Dex Sawash]

"Hullo sexworker"

[studpuppet]

I'm sure there's a bit in Hemingway ('For Whom The Bell Tolls'?) where the gnarly old Spanish fellah goes up behind a female mule that's playing up and basically fists her until she calms down.

So that, basically. Although you might need a bucket to stand on (I'm certain 'Footprints On The Pail' is an old C&W song...)

[Captain Z]

Apologise for the centuries of slavery.

[Glebe]

"Alright, horse!"

And the horse may reply, in 'horse-talk':

"Okay cheers mate see you around and that nice one bye."

[holyzombiejesus]

I make a clicking noise that sounds a bit like a car's indicator.

My wife will often stop and talk to cats in the street. Hello, Mr Puss etc. It's fucking embarrassing. When we were in France, she spoke to them in English but with a French accent.

[Shit Good Nose]

Never approach a horse from behind - I've seen what damage a kick from the back legs can do.

I go low and slow and, if the animal (I mean I'm assuming we're talking domesticated animals and pets here, not wild bears of wolves or owt) approaches, let it have a sniff before I, gently, give it some fuss and attention.

Going back to horses, a horsey friend of mine says top of the nose is usually safe, side of the head and its body if you know the horse well, the chin and underbelly ONLY when you know for sure that the horse is very very very docile and friendly towards people, cos even calm horses can kick out if they're taken by surprise.

[Steven]

Never approach a horse from behind - I've seen what damage a kick from the back legs can do.

It's time to post this again.

[Ray Travez]

I read something about this recently. Making friends with a horse is different to making friends with a dog. A dog is a predator, so it has a natural confidence, whereas a horse is prey, and much more easily spooked. Horses are empathic and social, but very sensitive to danger. Therefore... I forgot the rest. Basically don't freak 'em out or make like you're gonna eat them.

[boki]

I do my very best Harvey Price impersonation.

[biggytitbo]

I read something about this recently. Making friends with a horse is different to making friends with a dog. A dog is a predator, so it has a natural confidence, whereas a horse is prey, and much more easily spooked. Horses are empathic and social, but very sensitive to danger. Therefore... I forgot the rest. Basically don't freak 'em out or make like you're gonna eat them.

What is a horse?

[Ray Travez]

In a very real sense, what isn't a horse?

[Shit Good Nose]

I think there's also something about there being more horses with major mental health issues than dogs, so that's another reason to tread carefully in the first instance.