What would you most like to see derail the royal wedding?

[Icehaven]

Got to be Phil dropping dead. Preferably in the middle of the do but I'd also accept anytime beforehand.

[rue the polywhirl]

Kool-Aid Man.

[baptist]

James Hewitt in a Darth Vader costume.

[Quote]

Harry's phoney 'Invictus Games' mates getting pissed up and fighting in the aisles, prosthetic limbs for weapons.

[Alberon]

Clowne

Steady on, they're not that bad.

[idunnosomename]

A giant eclair/sticky bun dropping onto the couple

[Attila]

Enrico Palazzo shows up to sing the national anthem.

[mothman]

Having them have to go, with their £30m policing bill, past a long line of Grenfell survivors holding pictures of their deceased loved ones, all dead because the council wouldn't pay a quarter of a million.

[biggytitbo]

Elton John goes feral, trashes the whole place like King Kong before he is finally brought down by snipers.

[Mr Eggs]

A nude Prince Charles with WITCHELL IS THE DADDY tattooed on his back does a really sexy dance and everyone starts wanking

[idunnosomename]

Elton John goes feral, trashes the whole place like King Kong before he is finally brought down by snipers.

He could climb the keep. Great view of London and Berkshire from there.

[Quote]

Megan Markle's decision to invite Larry David to the reception backfires after he causes a series of social etiquette disasters so severe they tear the entire Royal Family apart.

[non capisco]

Prince Charles starts having an absent minded memory wank about the time he chucked one up her out of The Three Degrees, somehow momentarily forgetting he is at his son's wedding. Everyone's trying not to notice him sitting on a church pew rhythmically admiring a choice fragment from his mind palace, the only palace he's ever felt at comfort in. At first it's just the slap slap slap of the wank itself and the television cameras can angle him out and Nicholas Witchell tries to gloss over it and goes "And there we can hear the adorable sound of little Prince George clapping with delight" but then Charles starts loudly crooning "When will one see you....agai-ai-ai-ain? Gorrrr, best bunk up of my bloody life, that was." and everyone knows they're going to have to tough this out until the inevitable crescendo. Not even the news can ignore it, the top headline on the BBC News website changes from "HARRY AND MEGHAN: THE BIG DAY LIVE" to "PRINCE CHARLES IS FUCKING HAVING A MASSIVE WANK".

[Replies From View]

I'd like to see one of those streakers like they have in sports events.  Those naked ones.  Except he or she has vials of some kind of stink bomb essence that they are crunching between their buttocks along the way, driving everyone off with unmitigated stench.

Either that or Dennis the Menace.  (The British one, even though I shouldn't have to specify this.)

[Beagle 2]

Anonymous hack into the broadcast and replace it with the 1989 series of Lucky Ladders with Lennie Bennett.

[Dr Rock]

[Replies From View]

Anonymous hack into the broadcast and replace it with the 1989 series of Lucky Ladders with Lennie Bennett.

Ooh I like this idea of hacking into the broadcast.  I think I'd replace it with all the Comic Relief stuff in the BBC archives.

[Mr Eggs]

Dead Jimmy Savile pokes his dick out of the alter and squirts his dirty cum all over the place

[Beagle 2]

Kim Jun Un turns up unexpectedly and they let him in because it's just easier but he films the whole thing on his phone like a bellend.

[Fabian Thomsett]

James Hewitt, astride a horse, turns up and claims that he is Harry's real father. Then he challenges Charles to a duel.

[idunnosomename]

That weird old cunt who was outside the hospital for the baby prolapses his anus

[Replies From View]

How about a cartoonishly over-scaled parody of a disabled human, grotesquely hobbling down the aisle bellowing that there is sick in the cake.

[Dr Syntax Head]

Dead queen

[idunnosomename]

A fermented offal discharge

[finnquark]

Burrell breaching the banning order

[Bingo Fury]

Having paid Jeanette Charles to take her place at the ceremony, the Queen sips a G&T on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, cackling, as a hundred barrels of wildfire explode and reduce the church to rubble.

[Dr Syntax Head]

U2 force a massive concert on everyone sponsored by iTunes

[newbridge]

Tom Green shows up in character as Freddy Got Fingered and prostate-milks the Prince to orgasm right on the wedding dais.

[idunnosomename]

U2 force a massive concert on everyone sponsored by iTunes

Whoever wins, we lose

[Golden E. Pump]

We interrupt the marriage of Prince Harry to bring you Prince, Live in Dortmund 1988.