What would you most like to see derail the royal wedding?

[Replies From View]

A wardrobe door starts bulging, and then at the moment of the line "can anybody here say why these two cunts can't marry?" the wardrobe door bursts open and all the corpses of everyone who was ever historically in the Royal Family suddenly spill out over the stage in varying states of decay.

[Replies From View]

A hot air balloon in the shape of Ted Rogers shitting in Pam Ayres' mouth.  Descending into the ceremony and deflating noisily over the crowd.

[Dr Syntax Head]

Every single homeless person in the country turn up and camp up outside the venue and fall asleep snoring loudly in unison.

[newbridge]

Angry rhinoceros.

[Alberon]

Once everyone is in the church hundreds of tons of concrete are poured to form an impenetrable sarcophagus and the U.K. enters a communist paradise where peace and love reign instead of an old woman with a permanently pissed-off look on her face.

[Dr Syntax Head]

Drunken CaB meet

[Spoon of Ploff]

A cleansing giant wave of apathy washes over the land. On the morning before people wake up and realise they couldn't give one solitary shite about these bastards after all. The plains around Winsor remain mostly empty. Even those disturbed individuals they've bussed in from the midlands and poured into union jack sweat suits have mostly gone home. As the feedback seeps in the networks get tetchy... life coverage is abandoned half way through the procession of carts carrying these parasites to the church.. replaced with repeats of Homes Under The Hammer and the Crystal Maze from when it was good.
A reluctant acknowledgement of the event is posted on page 67 of CEEFAX sub heading local news.

[Dr Syntax Head]

A cleansing giant wave of apathy washes over the land. On the morning before people wake up and realise they couldn't give one solitary shite about these bastards after all. The plains around Winsor remain mostly empty. Even those disturbed individuals they've bussed in from the midlands and poured into union jack sweat suits have mostly gone home. As the feedback seeps in the networks get tetchy... life coverage is abandoned half way through the procession of carts carrying these parasites to the church.. replaced with repeats of Homes Under The Hammer and the Crystal Maze from when it was good.
A reluctant acknowledgement of the event is posted on page 67 of CEEFAX sub heading local news.

We can but dream

[buttgammon]

Mohammed Al-Fayed has double-booked the church.

[Replies From View]

I'd like to see the cast of Changing Rooms suddenly abseiling down and quickly putting up MDF everywhere and dark red paint with stencil designs, fake gold trim and all that.

[Absorb the anus burn]

A hot air balloon in the shape of Ted Rogers shitting in Pam Ayres' mouth.  Descending into the ceremony and deflating noisily over the crowd.

I was actually hoping for a hot air balloon in the shape of Pam Ayres shitting into a giant Dusty Bin, whilst the decomposing corpse of Ted Rogers is pushed into a diamond-encrusted wood-cutter and fired at the crowd.

[Isnt Anything]

Some lovely suggestions on this thread, but this -

Having them have to go, with their £30m policing bill, past a long line of Grenfell survivors holding pictures of their deceased loved ones, all dead because the council wouldn't pay a quarter of a million.

- is the best.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Megan Markle's decision to invite Larry David to the reception backfires after he causes a series of social etiquette disasters so severe they tear the entire Royal Family apart.

Philip and David end up spending the whole evening ceremony getting on like long lost brothers but then Philip suffers a heart attack in the middle of the night when he sits bolt-upright in realisation he spent all night talking to a 'yid'.

[DistressedArea]

I'm back!

[Nowhere Man]

We interrupt the marriage of Prince Harry to bring you Prince, Live in Dortmund 1988.

The version of Erotic City on that is brill. A million times better Prince right there.

[newbridge]

I'm back!

Lady Di impersonator doing the Thriller dance down the aisle with a squad of zombie backup dancers

[Dead Soon]

Prince Phillip makes his gaffe prone racist arse useful by generously contributing ''something old'' for the nuptials, in the form of a fucking authentic combat hand grenade from the glory days. As the relic hands over a further relic into the fingers and palms of his beautiful granddaughter-in-law, he remembers all too late the golden rule of the pin remaining firmly intact. He narrowly avoids the hellish blast, but the bride now owes less to a shimmering, gowned beauty and more to the aftermath of a controlled security detonation of unattended clothes at a city railway terminus. The guests still attack the finger buffet, and Witchell makes a gallant effort to persevere, but the atmosphere has taken a noticeable dive.

[Sherringford Hovis]

A single, thrown Melton Mowbray pork pie precipitates a rapidly snowballing cavalcade of Frank Spencer-esque pratfalls culminating in the cataclysmic destruction of the entire solar system.

[Big Mclargehuge]

Prince phillip turns out to be a suicide bomber. Or alternatively, Prince phillip interrupts during the "If theres any reason why these two shouldnt be wed" moment to say something monumentally racist before saying "FUCKING SHIT FUCK!" as loud as he can before carking it right there in the middle of the church. He then shits himself gloriously.

[Sgt. Duckie]

Slimer from Ghostbusters shows up with his usual brand of tomfoolery.

[Paul Calf]

Prince phillip turns out to be a suicide bomber. Or alternatively, Prince phillip interrupts during the "If theres any reason why these two shouldnt be wed" moment to say something monumentally racist before saying "FUCKING SHIT FUCK!" as loud as he can before carking it right there in the middle of the church. He then shits himself gloriously.

"She's a fucking darkie Yank, but he's not my grandson so I don't give a fuck."

*There is a quiet stirring at the back of the church as James Hewitt slowly rises.

[Mr Eggs]

I'm back!

Zombie GAY AIDS Diana

[Paul Calf]

MECHADIANA

[Mr Eggs]

I'm back!

Muslim Zombie GAY AIDS Diana

[DistressedArea]

Zombie GAY AIDS Diana

And she's covered the venue with land mines.

[Quote]

Mid-ceremony Prince Phillip suddenly stands up, shouts: "fuck this lads, it's Cup Final day!" and runs off down the aisle whistling the MOTD theme tune.

[Mr Eggs]

And she's covered the venue with land mines.

That was Elton John. Tea lights from ikea full of plastic explosive and Ebola.

[Quote]

Kerry Katona inadvertently poisons the entire Royal Family with a dodgy batch of Iceland chicken dippers she passes around at the reception. Rivers of shit.

[Neville Chamberlain]

Gary Barlow reveals his anus.

[biggytitbo]

Gary Barlow reveals his anus.

He's brinigng Robbie?