World Cup 2018 it is in Russia

[imitationleather]

Ten of Saudi Arabia's 23-man squad play for the same team.

That's nearly as many as players in England's 1966 team who were at West Ham!

[imitationleather]

NO-ONE GOOGLE OR FACT-CHECK THIS. ROBBIE SAVAGE DOESN'T HAVE TO WITHSTAND THE SAME SCRUTINY SO NOR SHOULD I:

So. Russia v Saudi Arabia. Getting in early before the 90 minute ITV build-up and no-doubt extremely over-long opening ceremony. I come at you live from my flat in Newcastle. It's a beautiful day, here, and (I assume) the streets are pulsing with people who cannot believe that, after years of waiting and "We need to move this to a country with a better human rights record, like the USA", the FIFA World CupTM has finally arrived. I have my official 2018 Russian doll-costume on, and am fully ready to go.

People are saying that 10/1-outsiders Saudi could do a job here. But the thing is, yes, Russia are lowest-ranked FIFA team in the competition. But we all know that FIFA rankings are an utter nonsense. Until recently they consistently had England at about third for years and years and years, despite them having not won a knock-out game in over a decade.

Russia haven't been winning lately. Saudi Arabia haven't either. But Russia got a draw against Turkey and lost 1:0 to Austria (alright, I won't try to pretend that is somehow a good result). Okay, Saudi only lost 2:1 to Germany. But I've said it before, Clive, friendlies against Germany are meaningless. They don't turn up to them. For Germany, they won the game and that will have been enough for them. Saudi also lost 3:0 to Peru and against an Italy team who are in disarray.

Some are calling almost the entire Saudi squad being at one team an advantage (10 play at one side, all 23 are in the Saudi domestic league). I think it just shows how limited they are. Playing them is going to be like going against a Saudi league team.

Having seen Saudi Arabia play in the flesh (albeit twenty years ago - but football never changes, Andy), they're an extremely uncreative team and will try to play for the draw here, just grateful to be at the competition. Russia are going to be going all fucking out for the win, as they really need one at this tournament, this is their best chance, and I think they will get it.

Two not good teams. But two teams with different motivations going into the match. Also it's not as though being good is a requirement for winning a football game. A lot is to do with it is how much you're up for it. And who is operating the VAR machine.

Verdict: Not a great game, but the scoreline at the end will flatter Russia.

[Crabwalk]

The VAR will be run by an Amnesty International volunteer, who will replay scenes of political dissidents being shot in the head on the jumbotron each time there's a suspected handball.

[Cuellar]

This Peruvian side could put 3 past anyone though.

Dynamite.

[imitationleather]

That is too many pundits for me, Clive.

[imitationleather]

"Let's ask the one person on the panel with an above-100 IQ about the political situation."

Actually, that's unfair on Bilic. But he'd be bound to say something controversial in response to that question. Something definitely unacceptable at 2.30pm on ITV.

[Sgt. Duckie]

Those buttons on Wrighty's shirt are ready to fly in multiple directions.

[imitationleather]

Oh God. Not fucking Dead Eyes Sister-in-Law-Shagger.

[Captain Z]

BBC and ITV's temporary studios must be almost next-door judging by the backdrop. Fight!

[jobotic]

It's an interesting one. What do you think Alan? Should they be executed by beheading or just beaten to death in the street by Nazis? Ooh, that was never a corner!

[imitationleather]

Every goal is going to be checked by VAR!?

It's fortunate that nearly every game is going to finish 0:0 or this tournament would still be going in September.

[Captain Z]

And every offside

[king_tubby]

Desolation.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-44480646

[imitationleather]

Desolation.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-44480646

£380 from China for a giant piece of fabric? He got fucking mugged. Should have gone on BangGood and got it for fifteen quid.

[jobotic]

Paulie Paulie - they're mocking the working class again Paulie.



Not even a real England flag. There's no writing on the horizontal bar. "The Sun/JJB Sports/Brexit". Like the PLEBS like. 

[New Jack]

Upside of VAR: plenty of time to fuck about making joints and fetching fresh beer!

Downside: the. Lot.

[imitationleather]

Upside of VAR: plenty of time to fuck about making joints and fetching fresh beer!

Downside: the. Lot.

Sweepstake for longest stoppage time of the tournament?

I say eighteen minutes.

[Captain Z]

I'd go for a more realistic 12 minutes.

How about a sweepstake for the number of times VAR will be conflated with goal-line technology?

[imitationleather]

Robbie Williams looks like he's had a Paul Gascoigne-style few years while he's been out of the public eye.

[Captain Z]

Gary Barlow's let himself go

[BlodwynPig]

Ooops there is a problem!

Cannot fucking watch the match on ITV player...fucked already. This is advert break during goal all over again. At least my sister in law is getting me the wolf mascot toy.

[Deanjam]

Predictionometer -

Russian Putins 1 Saudi Arabians 0

Excitement level - a wet morning in Grimsby.

[Captain Z]

BBC and ITV's temporary studios must be almost next-door judging by the backdrop. Fight!

Ooh it was CGI. Fake news. Typical ITV.

[Deanjam]

Robbie Williams is the best they could get? How embarrassing.

[imitationleather]

Ooops there is a problem!

Cannot fucking watch the match on ITV player...fucked already. This is advert break during goal all over again. At least my sister in law is getting me the wolf mascot toy.

Get a stream off www.reddit.com/soccerstreams/

[imitationleather]

Robbie Williams is the best they could get? How embarrassing.

"He's doing it for free!" was some bone-chilling desolation.

[Custard]

Oh good, Robbie Williams is doing that song he does

[BlodwynPig]

Got it on Canadian TV - aghhhhh Robbie fucking Williams.

[Captain Z]

This is getting me really pumped for World Cup 1998!

[BlodwynPig]

Predictionometer -

Russian Putins 1 Saudi Arabians 0

Excitement level - a wet morning in Grimsby.

We're through the cynical window nowadays aren't we. The naivety of tournaments past - "it doesn't get better than this, Clive....ooh look a giant puppet, Diana Ross, some streamers! WOW...oh WOW"

replaced by "look at this shit"