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Times your parents behaved egregiously out of or in character

Started by madhair60, June 05, 2018, 09:32:32 AM

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madhair60

So examples of your parents doing the most "your parents" things they ever do/did and also the least "your parents" things. Nothing smack in the middle please. If parents dead my condolences, unless cunts.

Cuellar

Most 'my dad' thing: stepping on rake in classic Sideshow Bob style and knocking his teeth out (again). Previously knocked his teeth out playing ice hockey, and playing rugby (I think).

Least 'my dad' thing: having that affair.

Gregory Torso

Most dad thing: Saying "bloody sailors!" as a plastic bottle exploded in his face on a bonfire.

Least dad thing: Getting pissed in the kitchen and telling us that he regretted having children.

Most mum thing: crying during the Olympics after 2 bottles of pinot noir.

Least mum thing: being good friends with a guy who was in a band with Robert Wyatt and knew Captain Beefheart.

Big Mclargehuge

Most Dad thing: a stereotypical father/son fishing trip in spain, we sat on a stone dock drinking san miguel and we caught a frankly ludicrous amount of mixed spikey and razor sharp monstrocities...
Least Dad thing: Admitting he was wrong about Brexit (He's old Labour through and through, wouldnt piss on a tory if they were on fire...but he's also very proud of his opinions so this was quite a shock...)

Most Mum thing: Going to my graduation and wanting to talk to all the parents of my friends who i've ever even mentioned so much as once in her presence...
Least Mum thing: drinking excessively and talking about swear words she doesnt like (While at the same time saying those swear words very loudly multiple times and thinking she was the bollocks for swearing loudly)

Icehaven

Most Mum thing; One day in the late 80's roaring ''Who do you think you are, King bloody Canute?!!" during an argument with a passerby who objected to her having a hose running and letting us kids play with it on a boiling hot day because he thought it was a waste of water. I think he had to leave it then as he knew he must be being insulted but he wasn't sure in what way or by how much.

Least Mum thing; A few years ago believing some local skaghead who convinced her to part with £20 for a 'gold' chain that was so obviously not gold it might as well have been made of Bacofoil. It was worrying because she's always been healthily cynical and quite able to spot chancers who knock the door or cold call thinking she's some silly old woman ripe for a con, so it was a bit concerning. It feels patronising and wrong trying to tell your Mother to just not give any money or details out to anyone anywhere ever but that's what I've tried to do since, with limited success.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Most Dad thing: storming out of the bedroom stark bollock naked to drag my vomiting brother down to the toilet while yelling YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!!

weaseldust

most dad thing: took a week off work to remove and rebuild a wall in his kitchen in order to move it over by 20cm. he moved the furniture in the adjacent room forward by 20cm for a couple weeks before he did it, to get used to what it would be like

St_Eddie

MOST DAD THING: Falling asleep in the cinema, during the first five minutes of Independence Day, snoring loudly throughout and waking up during the credits and then declaring, with no sense of irony, "that film was rubbish!" (to be fair, it was rubbish).

LEAST DAD THING: Insisted on joining my mates and I, when we were all 18, when we were in the garden, to share our joint.  Started doing a cringe-inducing Jamaican accent, after a few puffs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MUST MUM THING: Declaring that she doesn't want to join my Dad and myself in watching Goodfellas on the TV because "they're not very nice people".

LEAST MUM THING: Um... uh... I've got nothing.  My Mum's a Mum, through and through.

mothman

I can't think of anything, but as an honourable mention, there's my (maternal) grandmother talking about Philip Larkin, and then saying how good a poem "They fuck you up, your mum and dad" was. My dad responded drily "That's not a word I ever thought I'd hear you say..."

Steven

Quote from: St_Eddie on June 05, 2018, 11:41:13 AM
MUST MUM THING: Declaring that she doesn't want to join my Dad and myself in watching Goodfellas on the TV because "they're not very nice people".

"Tommy - that prick - should have never whacked Billy Batts and disrespected the internal order of the Sicilian Cosa Nostra - Spider, that fuckin' rat-fuck mook, sure, but you can't go fucking with a 'made guy' like that without paying some consequences. Won't see him no more - real greaseball shit."

Norton Canes

Least dad thing: In the late 80's, suddenly started buying acid house 12" singles

Most dad thing: Came home with a pack of joss sticks once, said "These will make the house smell nice", then just before lighting the first one paused and said "They don't make you feel... groovy, do they?"

St_Eddie

Quote from: mothman on June 05, 2018, 11:46:13 AM
I can't think of anything, but as an honourable mention, there's my (maternal) grandmother talking about Philip Larkin, and then saying how good a poem "They fuck you up, your mum and dad" was. My dad responded drily "That's not a word I ever thought I'd hear you say..."

Heh.  That reminds me of my Gran (R.I.P.).  One time she sat down whilst my Sister and I were watching an episode of South Park.  She laughed like an old drain throughout.  Bizarrely uncharacteristic and yet utterly glorious.  Who knew!

Quote from: Steven on June 05, 2018, 11:55:07 AM
"Tommy - that prick - should have never whacked Billy Batts and disrespected the internal order of the Sicilian Cosa Nostra - Spider, that fuckin' rat-fuck mook, sure, but you can't go fucking with a 'made guy' like that without paying some consequences. Won't see him no more - real greaseball shit."

Don't know what my Mum's problem was.  She'd have loved it.

(she really wouldn't)


gilbertharding

Quote from: St_Eddie on June 05, 2018, 12:04:18 PM
Heh.  That reminds me of my Gran (R.I.P.).  One time she sat down whilst my Sister and I were watching an episode of South Park.  She laughed like an old drain throughout.  Bizarrely uncharacteristic and yet utterly glorious.  Who knew!

Don't know what my Mum's problem was.  She'd have loved it.

(she really wouldn't)

My old Nan used to be taken to the football by her son (my uncle - RIP). One xmas dinner we were talking about it, and the lads who sat in adjacent rows and the awful language they sometimes used.

Direct quote I'll remember for the rest of my life:

Quote"Words I've never heard. I don't know what's wrong with a good 'bugger' myself."


St_Eddie

Quote from: Steven on June 05, 2018, 12:08:29 PM
As Laurie Anderson sang.. "Oh Mom and Dad.."

It must be said that the latter day series of Monty Python's Flying Circus got a bit too dark and mean spirited for my tastes.

Quote from: gilbertharding on June 05, 2018, 12:27:38 PM
My old Nan used to be taken to the football by her son (my uncle - RIP). One xmas dinner we were talking about it, and the lads who sat in adjacent rows and the awful language they sometimes used.

Direct quote I'll remember for the rest of my life:

Quote"Words I've never heard. I don't know what's wrong with a good 'bugger' myself."

Oh gawd.  The mental image that must have conjured within your poor brain.

Most dad thing: After my parents divorced, my mum met a fella who she was friends with. When he was leaving our house once my dad ran up to him when he was getting in his car and kicked the fuck out of his ribs.

Least dad thing: Flew out to see me when I lived abroad and had my heart broken and told me how much he regretted being a twat when he was with my mum and said he loved me and her more than anything.

Most dad thing: He missed his late night connecting train when he arrived in Barcelona and instead of just getting a hotel, he decided to stay the night in the train station with all the homeless and junkies and drunks. They all got kicked out around 1am and he still decided not to get a hotel and just stayed awake all night. Nobody bothered him.

---

Most mum thing: When I started going out with my wife, we'd been together about a month and I was round there. Got a call from my mum trying to find where she lived. Is it this road? That one? That one? Is it near such and such? She said she wouldn't go home until she found it and would start knocking on doors. My wife was pissing herself with glee and made me tell my mum.


Least mum thing: Saw me smoking on my wedding day and just pretended she never saw it. Maybe that's the most mum thing, I dunno.

kngen

Most Dad thing: Tying himself in knots trying to lecture me on why Dave Lombardo from Slayer wasn't actually a great drummer, and the double-bass bit in Angel of Death was 'probably a machine or something'

Least Dad thing: His rather fanciful sounding excursions to see Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd all turning out to be true. His even more fanciful sounding boasts of his intrinsic involvement in the career of Dumfries proto-metallers Iron Claw, as well as a front-row seat to the metamorphosis of Earth into Black Sabbath due to their connections to the town all checking out from independent sources. Sorry I doubted you, Dad.

Most Mum thing: Getting a bit pissed at Christmas and then having a bit of a ramble about 'how we are so lucky to be here, rather than starving in Africa or being abducted by ISIS' or whatever humanitarian crisis it is that year.

Least Mum thing: 'I think I'd quite like to try Ecstasy ... or Cocaine. Which one is the dancing one again?'

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 05, 2018, 11:01:37 AM
Most Dad thing: storming out of the bedroom stark bollock naked to drag my vomiting brother down to the toilet while yelling YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!!

Most Dad thing: storming out of the bath stark bollock naked to tell me and my mate how to paint his bedroom wall properly. No shame

St_Eddie

Quote from: kngen on June 05, 2018, 02:35:46 PM
Least Mum thing: 'I think I'd quite like to try Ecstasy ... or Cocaine. Which one is the dancing one again?'

Urgh, imagine seeing your mum on Ecstasy!  *shudders*

Having said that, I once had a one hour conversation with my Dad when I was on Ecstasy and insisted that he walk me throughout the house and talk about the every single art piece hanging on the walls.  The very art pieces which I had ignored and been entirely uninterested in for the past decade or so.  After the hour was up and the tour had finished, I said "Dad, I took an Ecstasy tab", frantically licking my lips, gnashing my teeth and with sweat dripping from every pore of my body.  "I know", he stoically replied.  *shudders*

gilbertharding

Quote from: St_Eddie on June 05, 2018, 01:17:19 PM
Oh gawd.  The mental image that must have conjured within your poor brain.

Oh no - it was immediately filed under 'Nan's Say the Funniest Things' - and I cherish the memory of her smile when she got the laugh the line deserved. Also the slightly shocked reaction from my mum at everyone elses reaction.

black_betty

Least dad thing: Stealing a taxi in Malaya and going to prison (RAF brig).

Most dad thing: Knocking my mum up.

Dex Sawash


Most dad: stopping car, hopping out to closely examine some architectural detail of some stranger's house

least dad: 60s/70s hippie-type philosophy professor. Loved the mostly west african and Caribbean night/weekend shift care workers at his nursing home but disliked the weekday shift "fucking pakis" as he had decided they were manipulating the residents (p**i not really a loaded slur in america though)

garbed_attic

Most dad thing: Dead-on shooting a box of winegums in a pop-gun range, only for it not to budge, then complaining angrily to the carny that the box must be glued down, to my mortification.

Least dad thing: Asking me to compile a list of video games for him to play now that he's retired. He seems to have reneged on the idea though, sadly.

spamwangler

Peak  Dad: pitchfork through foot, no doctor back in work next day


Shoulders?-Stomach!

Least Dad: The time he medalled on Tom Clancy's End War

non capisco

MOST DAD THING: Getting mistaken three times for Crocodile Dundee on holiday in Florida in the 90s and on the third occasion just going with it and saying "Have you taken the flamin' picture yet?" in an appalling Australian accent. I love my old man, he's fucking ace.

mosh

Peak Mum: this is difficult to answer, as I don't think she's ever really let herself have a character as such. She's never been an altogether easygoing person. She used to be very hard and controlling - less so these days. She's very exacting, rarely stepping out of line or letting easy mistakes slide. And while there's a lot about her that is loving and compassionate, and she has a great sense of humour, there are a lot of underlying resentments too. At her worst, she can be intense, waspish and slightly cruel, and I sometimes wonder if even the best of what I see of her is just all part of a fine person suit. I think I should talk to her. I think we're more alike than I usually care to admit.

Trough Mum: becoming the World's Biggest Nick Cave Fan. Seeing him in Dublin tomorrow. Still won't listen to The Birthday Party, though.

mosh

Most Dad: not one to shy way from stubborn futility, Dad used to argue with Mormons at the front door, 'guiding' them through weeks upon weeks of research into why he thought Joseph Smith was a lying fraud bastard. I don't know how much of a debate or discussion there was. I caught a lot of shouting and flailing from his side, a lot of patient smiles from theirs.

Least Dad: the time I came out as bi to him. After he asked me why I never told him, I gently reminded him of the time, when I was about six or seven, he told me and my brother that he'd disown us if he ever found out we fancied men. Looking very sheepish at this, he paused for a moment or two. Then, after reflecting on it a bit longer, he finally said, "No. I wouldn't do that. I love you." He's usually pretty closed up, emotionally, so I was especially touched that he chose that particular moment to let his guard down.

St_Eddie

Quote from: gilbertharding on June 05, 2018, 03:36:55 PM
Oh no - it was immediately filed under 'Nan's Say the Funniest Things' - and I cherish the memory of her smile when she got the laugh the line deserved. Also the slightly shocked reaction from my mum at everyone elses reaction.

Aye.  To be fair, who hasn't got a cherished memory of their Nan getting buggered?

Quote from: black_betty on June 05, 2018, 04:37:53 PM
Most dad thing: Knocking my mum up.

That is so a dad thing.

Quote from: mosh on June 06, 2018, 02:48:33 AM
Least Dad: the time I came out as bi to him. After he asked me why I never told him, I gently reminded him of the time, when I was about six or seven, he told me and my brother that he'd disown us if he ever found out we fancied men. Looking very sheepish at this, he paused for a moment or two. Then, after reflecting on it a bit longer, he finally said, "No. I wouldn't do that. I love you." He's usually pretty closed up, emotionally, so I was especially touched that he chose that particular moment to let his guard down.

+ karma to your Dad.

spamwangler

Least Dad: took a fortnight off to become a GOD on sega megadrive's Colums game