Jobsworths

[Sebastian Cobb]

There is some stupid rule about them not accepting expired passports. I don't know why this is. In case you pass on your old passport to a doppelganger who happens to be under 18 for them to use?

The time it must take to check the date of birth and the expiry date. I got the impression that when giving ID a lot of them are just like "Oh I've been handed some ID. That's enough for me" and don't actually check it, they just want to see if you have something that probably says you're over eighteen on it.

I can tell that on the rare occasion I'm asked they just glance and see the decade. What's depressing is that soon they will be able to do that for the 90's as well.

[Jockice]

She didn't want there to be less sausage and bacon for her lunchtime sandwiches.

I wanted the veggie option!

[BJBMK2]

There is some stupid rule about them not accepting expired passports. I don't know why this is. In case you pass on your old passport to a doppelganger who happens to be under 18 for them to use?

The time it must take to check the date of birth and the expiry date. I got the impression that when giving ID a lot of them are just like "Oh I've been handed some ID. That's enough for me" and don't actually check it, they just want to see if you have something that probably says you're over eighteen on it.

Fair enough if the passport was out of date.  But it still had about 5 or 6 years left on it. That's why I just coulden't understand her logic. Unless she thought I'd handed her a fake? But then...but...

....

[Wet Blanket]

The biggest jobsworth I ever met in my life was in a university library when I was doing my degree...

That reminds me of something I had to deal with at uni. I'd locked myself out with no wallet, money or phone. Fortunately I knew that my housemates were all at the union, because that's where I was supposed to be meeting them anyway. However when I got there, as I was walking in, the guy at the desk shouted that I had to show my NUS card as it was after 5pm (indeed it was something like 5.04pm)

I told him I didn't have my wallet with my NUS card in it: no dice.

Fair enough I said, I'll get someone to sign me in.

All right he said, got any ID?

No, I said, I've locked my wallet in my house by accident. I'm trying to get in touch with my friends.

I can't let you in then, he says.

Well, can I at least just go and tell them I'm out here and need a key?

Nope.

What about if you go and tell them? Can you make an announcement or something?

Sorry mate.

That was it, I had to leave. Nowhere to go. Couldn't get into the library without my library card, all the faculty buildings were being locked up by that point. I ended up at the house of a classmate I barely knew (it was very early in the year). But what a fucking bastard. I mean, I'm a fucking student, I'm 19, I barely know anyone, I'm in a fix and have no money - and you're just going to leave me to walk the streets?

This was something like 15 years ago and I'm still annoyed about it.

[St_Eddie]

Not sure if it counts as "jobsworth" as much as it does "a bit thick", but here's my Getting Id'd At A Supermarket story. Was buying JD at Tesco's. Checkout girl asks for my ID. Now I was 21 at the time, and still had the baby face that, ironically, the JD would soon dispose of, so I had no objections to this. However she gives it a stern face, looks up at me.

"I can't sell you this alcohol"

"What? Check the birth date, and you'll clearly see I'm over 18".

"I'm sorry sir, I am unable to..." blah blah

This back and forth keeps going back and forth. A manager walks by, I get there attention, because I want to make a complaint, like the self entitled consumer I am. The checkout girl shows the manager my passport, fighting her corner. The manager gives her a look, then gives me a look, then points to the passport, "No, don't look at this bit, look at THIS bit".

He was pointing to the expiry date of the passport. That's what she'd been looking at. NOT my date of birth. The expiry date. Of the passport.

Now...what was going through the checkout girls head during all this? Did she think that was my date of birth? Did she think I was born in the fucking future? That I've travelled back from 2021 on a Terminator-esque mission to prevent myself from...buying some JD? I'm sorry sir, you can't buy this alcohol, because you haven't been born yet, so your technically not 18, your actually -4?

I left the Tesco in a state of confusion and anxiety, that may well have lasted into recent years.

To be fair, anybody who's ever played the computer game Papers, Please, will be able to relate to the checkout girl's confusion.

[Sebastian Cobb]

There is some stupid rule about them not accepting expired passports. I don't know why this is. In case you pass on your old passport to a doppelganger who happens to be under 18 for them to use?

The time it must take to check the date of birth and the expiry date. I got the impression that when giving ID a lot of them are just like "Oh I've been handed some ID. That's enough for me" and don't actually check it, they just want to see if you have something that probably says you're over eighteen on it.

Those rules are made up by thick people arbitrarily; the landlord at the pub my mate worked at decided he couldn't accept provisional driving licences.

[Camp Tramp]

When I was 13 I got into a argument with a librarian because she wouldn't let me take out adult books on my children's card.
Non fiction books about astronomy, not Sven Hassel or Shaun Hutson.
In the end I used my Dads card, nobody questioned if I were really 31.

[imitationleather]

It always seemed to be the grimmest nightclubs that I didn't want to be in anyway but was being forced to by the people I was with that had the strictest ID policies. No expired passports, no provisional driving licenses, hold every form of ID up to the light and carefully run one of those UV pens all over it. Then you don't get let in anyway because you're a group of more than two men and are wearing trainers.

[Icehaven]

Those rules are made up by thick people arbitrarily; the landlord at the pub my mate worked at decided he couldn't accept provisional driving licences.

And yet back in 1995 when I was 16 my friend and I made fake St. John Ambulance First Aider cards with our photos and false DOBs that made us 18, used her little brother's toy printing press to stamp something official looking across it and hey presto, it rarely failed. Doubt it'd work to buy energy drinks from Poundland now though.

[AsparagusTrevor]

Those rules are made up by thick people arbitrarily; the landlord at the pub my mate worked at decided he couldn't accept provisional driving licences.

When I was a college student I got asked for ID in a pub and was told they didn't accept the type of ID I showed them, which was one of those Prove-It cards. I pointed out to the bartender that if this was the case they should probably remove the picture of the Prove-It card on the signs that were posted around the pub, particularly the one a couple of feet away from the bartender.

[Jockice]

That reminds me of something I had to deal with at uni. I'd locked myself out with no wallet, money or phone. Fortunately I knew that my housemates were all at the union, because that's where I was supposed to be meeting them anyway. However when I got there, as I was walking in, the guy at the desk shouted that I had to show my NUS card as it was after 5pm (indeed it was something like 5.04pm)

I told him I didn't have my wallet with my NUS card in it: no dice.

Fair enough I said, I'll get someone to sign me in.

All right he said, got any ID?

No, I said, I've locked my wallet in my house by accident. I'm trying to get in touch with my friends.

I can't let you in then, he says.

Well, can I at least just go and tell them I'm out here and need a key?

Nope.

What about if you go and tell them? Can you make an announcement or something?

Sorry mate.

That was it, I had to leave. Nowhere to go. Couldn't get into the library without my library card, all the faculty buildings were being locked up by that point. I ended up at the house of a classmate I barely knew (it was very early in the year). But what a fucking bastard. I mean, I'm a fucking student, I'm 19, I barely know anyone, I'm in a fix and have no money - and you're just going to leave me to walk the streets?

This was something like 15 years ago and I'm still annoyed about it.

My tale is from around 15 years ago too! They're probably twin jobsworths.

[Sebastian Cobb]

And yet back in 1995 when I was 16 my friend and I made fake St. John Ambulance First Aider cards with our photos and false DOBs that made us 18, used her little brother's toy printing press to stamp something official looking across it and hey presto, it rarely failed. Doubt it'd work to buy energy drinks from Poundland now though.

I got a fake student card when I was 16. It rarely failed despite having a typo in the subject - 'Mesic Technology'.

[Replies From View]

Nearly every Sunday I go to the same launderette to do my weekly clothes wash.  They close at 8pm, and to make sure everyone finishes on time for them to close, the last wash is at 6.30pm.  Fair enough.  There are signs on the outward-facing windows and the doors sharing this information with everyone who comes in.  You can't miss them.

Nearly every Sunday, I am there at 6.20pm, and as I'm loading the washing machine the same woman always emerges from nowhere and paddles towards me anxiously.  She works there.  "No, no wash now.  No time now for wash."

"It's fine," I tell her, continuing to load the machine.

"No; we need to close by 8pm."

"And you will close by 8pm.  I won't take long."

"Please sir no wash now."  I'm loading the machine through all of this nonsense, and once it is running I finally tell her that if 6.20pm is too late they should update the sign that says "Last wash at 6.30pm".  I don't need to be nagged for being ten minutes earlier than the shut-off time.  I'm not taking my dirty washing back home for no reason thanks.


And it's happened like that nearly every fucking week for the last decade.  Can't she at least try to remember me and just not have this conversation?  It doesn't help that I can end up hardly speaking to anyone outside of work for weeks on end, so this woman becomes a significant chunk of my allocated human contact quota.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Do people still go to launderettes, then ? I thought that only happened in " Eastenders ".

[Replies From View]

I've just remembered another.  Around eight or so years ago I took a bunch of friends and a small group of acquaintances to a pub to celebrate my birthday.  Probably my 30th.  I rarely celebrate my birthday but it was a good excuse to relax with some friends I felt I wasn't seeing often enough, so I went with it, and I chose this pub I'd been to several times and had recommended more than once.  I don't really remember who the acquaintances were but they were friends of a friend I think.

Anyway we arrived at this pub, and I wasn't really in the mood for a drink yet but my friends all got drinks, and after hovering at the bar for a bit we found a table and started looking at the food menu.

We had been settled for maybe ten minutes when Jobsworth sprouted up from the floor and started gesturing towards the fact I didn't have a glass in front of me.  "You need to buy something if you want to sit here sir."

"Sorry?"

"If you don't buy something you will need to leave."

"But these people all have drinks and they wouldn't be here if I hadn't brought them for my birthday."

"It makes no difference sir; if you are not buying anything you will need to leave."


I was incensed by this and stopped thinking rationally at this point.  I could have bought a drink and ended it but I wasn't going to be forced to do anything by Jobsworth.  So I told my friends "Okay, we're leaving; come on."

"What?"  They were oblivious to the exchange that we'd had, and they each had an almost-full drink in front of them which they weren't about to abandon. 

I had no power in this situation and was just alienating myself.  And all of this, along with my failure to properly articulate what was bothering me while Jobsworth stood next to me smirking, led me to simply escape via the nearest exit.  "Please join me when you have finished your drinks," I said, and waited outside.


About twenty minutes later my friends joined me outside.  I peered in through the window and saw that the acquaintances had chosen to betray me and were eating in there.  Fuck off then.  And my bemused mates and I went off to find somewhere else while I tried impotently to explain what had riled me.

[Replies From View]

Do people still go to launderettes, then ? I thought that only happened in " Eastenders ".

It depends if you have a washing machine of your own, I guess.

[St_Eddie]

...it's happened like that nearly every fucking week for the last decade.  Can't she at least try to remember me and just not have this conversation?  It doesn't help that I can end up hardly speaking to anyone outside of work for weeks on end, so this woman becomes a significant chunk of my allocated human contact quota.

Perhaps you'll develop some kind of Stockholm syndrome with her and end up marrying her.  Then you can have arguments over your shared washing machine within your marital home.

[Wet Blanket]

I've just remembered another.  Around eight or so years ago I took a bunch of friends and a small group of acquaintances to a pub to celebrate my birthday.  Probably my 30th.  I rarely celebrate my birthday but it was a good excuse to relax with some friends I felt I wasn't seeing often enough, so I went with it, and I chose this pub I'd been to several times and had recommended more than once.  I don't really remember who the acquaintances were but they were friends of a friend I think.

Anyway we arrived at this pub, and I wasn't really in the mood for a drink yet but my friends all got drinks, and after hovering at the bar for a bit we found a table and started looking at the food menu.

We had been settled for maybe ten minutes when Jobsworth sprouted up from the floor and started gesturing towards the fact I didn't have a glass in front of me.  "You need to buy something if you want to sit here sir."

"Sorry?"

"If you don't buy something you will need to leave."

"But these people all have drinks and they wouldn't be here if I hadn't brought them for my birthday."

"It makes no difference sir; if you are not buying anything you will need to leave."


I was incensed by this and stopped thinking rationally at this point.  I could have bought a drink and ended it but I wasn't going to be forced to do anything by Jobsworth.  So I told my friends "Okay, we're leaving; come on."

"What?"  They were oblivious to the exchange that we'd had, and they each had an almost-full drink in front of them which they weren't about to abandon. 

I had no power in this situation and was just alienating myself.  And all of this, along with my failure to properly articulate what was bothering me while Jobsworth stood next to me smirking, led me to simply escape via the nearest exit.  "Please join me when you have finished your drinks," I said, and waited outside.


About twenty minutes later my friends joined me outside.  I peered in through the window and saw that the acquaintances had chosen to betray me and were eating in there.  Fuck off then.  And my bemused mates and I went off to find somewhere else while I tried impotently to explain what had riled me.

Doesn't Morgan Freeman read this story out of Kevin Spacey's diary in Seven?

[Sebastian Cobb]

Do people still go to launderettes, then ? I thought that only happened in " Eastenders ".

That reminds me, my mate used to live in a posh suburb of Brum (near, but not in Alvechurch for them in the know) and work at the local laundrette, it did service washes, these cunts had washing machines, they just couldn't be arsed.

Anyhow Astro from UB40 was a semi-regular and one Saturday afternoon he came in begging to have his fur coat washed ahead of everything else. My mate refused as he'd already got stuff that needed washing before collection. Astro was practically begging. When he gave up he returned to his car, lit a joint then repeatedly punched his steering wheel in a huff.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Perhaps you'll develop some kind of Stockholm syndrome with her and end up marrying her.  Then you can have arguments over your shared washing machine within your marital home.

Based on the Swedish twitter feed it seems Swedish apartments have a laundry room and in typical organised yet distant Scandinavian fashion you book your time out by affixing a barrel lock to a timetable.



What I'm saying is in Stockholm op has the potential to cause much discomfort with their lackadaisical approach.

_{Yes, I know what Stockholm syndrome is.}

[steve98]

Anyhow Astro from UB40 was a semi-regular and one Saturday afternoon he came in begging to have his fur coat washed ahead of everything else. My mate refused as he'd already got stuff that needed washing before collection. Astro was practically begging. When he gave up he returned to his car, lit a joint then repeatedly punched his steering wheel in a huff.

...... Is that it? Punched a steering wheel? I was expecting cocaine or shite or an aborted foetus on the coat or something.

[Sebastian Cobb]

He was long past smashing up pool halls in those days.

[Small Man Big Horse]

That reminds me, my mate used to live in a posh suburb of Brum (near, but not in Alvechurch for them in the know) and work at the local laundrette, it did service washes, these cunts had washing machines, they just couldn't be arsed.

Anyhow Astro from UB40 was a semi-regular and one Saturday afternoon he came in begging to have his fur coat washed ahead of everything else. My mate refused as he'd already got stuff that needed washing before collection. Astro was practically begging. When he gave up he returned to his car, lit a joint then repeatedly punched his steering wheel in a huff.

John Lithgow has kindly recreated the moment for you: https://youtu.be/Z_1P1NKdZFI?t=51

[popcorn]

That sort of thing is unfathomable because it's actively batting away trade. More than once, I've found myself getting shooed off a pub table that has a reserved sign with a specific (much later) time on it. Alright mate, we're not so repulsive you'll need to spend the next two hours fumigating the table before 'Abigail' and her chums turn up.

Fucking hate this one. Arrived at a pub, it was empty. We sat at what was clearly the best table in the house - it had a "reserved" sign on it, but according to the sign it wasn't reserved for another two hours and we only wanted a quick drink before a show started, so we thought it'd be fine. Staff came over and moved us to another table. Motherfuckerrrrr, if you don't want anyone to sit at the table at 4pm, don't write "Reserved from 6pm" on it.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Even worse is when you can't get a table and then Abigail doesn't turn up and you're left staring at the empty seats for hours on end.

[Replies From View]

Even worse is when you can't get a table and then Abigail doesn't turn up and you're left staring at the empty seats for hours on end.

I've long said that a reservation should only be possible after you have sent in a photo of your arse for everyone to look at while they are waiting for you to arrive.  No arse photo, no reservation I'm afraid.  And yes we will know if it is not your arse.

[RedRevolver]

My friend got 'Challenge 25'd' at Sainsbury's last week, over a DIY tool of some sort. He had no ID but is clearly a 40 year old man. The security guard was called over, shook his head in puzzlement then swiped him through. She then asked the even older man following him for ID.

This morning I was in the same store at the self service checkouts. The supervisor was watching me like a hawk, tutted and straightened the bags after I took one, then came rushing over when I finished, and swiped a bag through so I paid the 5p charge, just before I got to the prompt. She then moaned, "You have to pay for your bags." With no evidence that I wasn't going to.

Some people take their shitty jobs too seriously.

Same here with the challenge 25 policy. It's not fucking law.

Anyway, some 18 year old cunt challenged me a couple of weeks ago over selling me a lottery ticket. After fulfilling my scratchcard winnings (but before she gave them to me). Then she was like 'I'm doing you a favour this once, but bring your ID next time' to which my vitamin D3-deficient brain revolted against and had a complete meltdown. Not one of my proudest moments, but the genuine level of sheer fucking idiocy and condescension which were both incredibly unnecessary (I'm just turned 26, but I look like I'm about 40) really got to me. More than anything, I would have brought ID if it was anything worth being ID'd for (i.e. alcohol) but seeing as my passport is my only form of ID and I'm not a fucking teenager, I wouldn't have assumed it was an issue.

Turns out my brother was ID'd in the same shop for alcohol at Christmas, bearing in mind he's 35 and had brought alcohol without issue a few days before. His reaction was far better than mine, in that he came back, thought about it, went back to the shop and apparently picked up all of the penny sweets he could find, waited for her to scan them all through and then said "Oh, wait, I just remembered I'm not five years old" and left.

[imitationleather]

I got asked how old I was when buying Christmas crackers once. When I said I was 22 (it was a while ago) the lady behind the counter decided not to ID me. Christmas crackers. I assume some "Check their age!" alert had appeared, prompting the question. Do they count as an explosive device or something?

[Desirable Industrial Unit]

It's not exactly the same and I really shouldn't shop there, but I do occasionally nip into Poundland for fag papers and need to have a member of staff verify my age at the self-scan machine.  I know the usage is implied, but - bits of paper.  Literally bits of paper.

[Ghughesarch]

I got asked how old I was when buying Christmas crackers once. When I said I was 22 (it was a while ago) the lady behind the counter decided not to ID me. Christmas crackers. I assume some "Check their age!" alert had appeared, prompting the question. Do they count as an explosive device or something?

Yes. Though you can now buy them at age 12 rather than 16 https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/legal-age-to-buy-crackers-cut-as-part-of-pointless-red-tape-rules-to-be-scrapped-from-tomorrow-8561699.html