Why are you not watching the football!!!????!?

[Spoon of Ploff]

Don't forget the last ever football is on telly this weekend. You may have forgotten because people are no longer shouting 'three lines in the dirt' everywhere you go (even if you don't go anywhere).
Today's game is for third place and is pointless.
Tomorrows game features not the Britains and is thus therefore pointless as well.

After those this thread shall sink into obscurity.. like Martin Kone, and Ron Keys.. and all the other pundits hopefully.

[pancreas]

The thought of the end of all foot ball makes me want to self-harm.

[Spoon of Ploff]

The thought of the end of all foot ball makes me want to self-harm.

Take solace in your Math and Matics pancreas, as I take solace in the works of Chris Ryan.

[Ferris]

I kept some football in the freezer from earlier in the tournament just in case the world cup ended.

You can find the tinned stuff in most reputable supermarkets as well, but I prefer fresh-from-frozen. Good tip for next time there is football (if ever).

[manticore]

The 'football' that will persist after this like some walking corpse will consist of teams like 'Liverpool' playing 'Manchester', all consisting of players that are from nowhere near the metropolitan areas of those cities. This is just crazy if you think about it very hard as I do.

'Oooh I like Ryan Giggs because he plays for my Manchester Team' they say. 'Yes but he's from Wales and does not owe you his fealty' I rejoin. Thus I put a kibosh on the proceedings and walk away satisfied that my work is done.

Can anyone tell me whether I should watch this Britain game? I'm riven with uncertainty on the matter.

[BlodwynPig]

I kept some football in the freezer from earlier in the tournament just in case the world cup ended.

You can find the tinned stuff in most reputable supermarkets as well, but I prefer fresh-from-frozen. Good tip for next time there is football (if ever).

I'll take a dozen Moroccan Regrets and a some of that Costa Rican slop, please. Oh, pass us a tin of Mushy Egypt as well, and some Penno Pasta.

[Spoon of Ploff]

...
Can anyone tell me whether I should watch this Britain game? I'm riven with uncertainty on the matter.

It's the spectacle to 22 people, who for no discernible benefit to anyone are doing something, somewhere then they would rather be somewhere else, doing anything else.

I do not know your circumstances vis-a-vis work, but perhaps such a site will be of some small comfort.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Those mascot kids know the score. They can barely hide their revulsion at having to escort these two sets of losers onto the hallowed turf of football.

[Spoon of Ploff]

National anthems are at best mumbled. The words sticking in the throats of all concerned. They can never go home again.

[Spoon of Ploff]

The teams shuffle into action.

If you were to lick your TV screens now, the taste you'd have in your mouth would be defeat and disgrace.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Belgum score a goal! Where did it all go wrong? Are Britain now going to lose at being losers?

[Spoon of Ploff]

What's on The Horror channel this afternoon?

[Spoon of Ploff]

What's on The Horror channel this afternoon?

The Black Hole... but not the one you're thinking of.

[Spoon of Ploff]

It doesn't look good for Corbyn.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Harry Kane misses the goal with a kick. Which isn't helping anyone.

[Spoon of Ploff]

It's half time. Thank fuck.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Laugh!!!! Yells failed mountain climber Brian Blessed during the half time add break. But there's nothing funny about this abject performance. The joy is long gone.

[manticore]

Ploff is driven to the edge of madness by this soccerball game I'm not watching, talking to himself like a crazyman. It is a disturbing but ultimately gratifying spectacle and I am intrigued to see how it will pan out in the final quarters.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Part II is underway.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Punters inventing significance for this game from a list of facts fed to them by the strange voices in their head.

[Spoon of Ploff]

There have been several 'nutmeg passes' in this game. Something to tell the grandkids right there.

[Spoon of Ploff]

ooooohh. Belguns clear the ball from before the line. No goal Britain.

[Spoon of Ploff]

its almost as if someone has made a wall of bricks in front of the Belgum goal. Invisible bricks obviously. Someone should investigate.

[Spoon of Ploff]

"shoot the ball. shoot the ball. it's a requirement in goal scoring' murmur the crowd.

[manticore]

its almost as if someone has made a wall of bricks in front of the Belgum goal. Invisible bricks obviously. Someone should investigate.

It's almost as if maybe but the objective fact is that they haven't so no one should investigate. I speak to you as a concerned citizen trying to help you maintain your sanity, which is clearly imperilled by this game of football.

[Spoon of Ploff]

bish, bish, bash! bosh!! Save!!

[Spoon of Ploff]

They think it's all over. It is now. 2 - 0 to Belgum. Textbook goaling there.

Score now replicating the final group match. Why they just didn't play a repeat of that on the big screens I have no clue.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Those Lidl kids in the ITV football adverts will be mercilessly bullied at school after this. And quite right to.

[Spoon of Ploff]

It's just as well hedgehog90 isn't alive to see this.

[Spoon of Ploff]

The End.