Concert cliches you want to fuck off

[thecuriousorange]

It's the last, or second-to-last, song. Singer does that thing of introducing each band member as they chug along with the tune. As each one is named, they do a little flourish on their instrument. "On the drums, Mr Barney McGee" Thump-thump ker-boom cymbal crash. "On the bass, Matt Alligator" Dun dun dun-dun-dun. "On the keys, we've got our main man Cuthbert Custard" Tinkling of ivories. "On the geetar, it's Basil Popcorn" Twang-a-wanga-guitar-solo-blast.

You get the picture. I know many acts are too cool to do this stuff, but every now and again I end up at a sit-down adult concert and this routine is inevitable.

[bomb_dog]

The post-modern take on fake encores. Yes, we know you're going to come back on in a minute. Yes, you're going to tell us you know that we know you're coming back on.

Actually, not sure which is worse. Playing the straight encore game, or the 'funny' 'we're going to leave the stage, you clap then we come back on' game.

The only way out of this is to state early on there'll be no encore shenannegins, then finishing on a hit and going. And I'm not sure if this just ruins the end of the night before it's underway.

[Captain Crunch]

People still think it's a good idea to let their bug-eyed shouty tosspot of a singer – gasp – jump off the stage and run round the crowd.  Leave it.

[thecuriousorange]

The song, which the audience all know, mentions a city somewhere in the lyrics. The singer will change it to the name of the city the concert is in and morons cheer.

[imitationleather]

I went to a gig a while ago where the band were so pissed off with the audience apparently not enjoying it (although I'd contest that we were enjoying it really, just not in the OTT Shoreditch way they were used to) they didn't do their encore, even though the songs were clearly written down on their set lists. They just went and stood next to the merch stand until everyone left instead.

I liked that postmodern take on it.

[Brundle-Fly]

Private in-jokes within the band. When the lead guitarist leans over to whisper something into the bassist's ear and they both crack up.

Talking about football as stage banter. "Yeah, we coming for you next season." *some of the audience boo.... etc

Exiting the stage into the wings with a towel around your neck, holding a bottle of mineral water and waving.

[Steven]

The singer not being arsed to sing the fucking chorus - instead turns the mic round to the audience which due to the way microphones work is only of symbolic resonance as it will fail to amplify said audience chant in the least - but enables the singer to get away with not singing the difficult bit.

[non capisco]

It's the last, or second-to-last, song. Singer does that thing of introducing each band member as they chug along with the tune. As each one is named, they do a little flourish on their instrument. "On the drums, Mr Barney McGee" Thump-thump ker-boom cymbal crash. "On the bass, Matt Alligator" Dun dun dun-dun-dun. "On the keys, we've got our main man Cuthbert Custard" Tinkling of ivories. "On the geetar, it's Basil Popcorn" Twang-a-wanga-guitar-solo-blast.

You get the picture. I know many acts are too cool to do this stuff, but every now and again I end up at a sit-down adult concert and this routine is inevitable.

No problem with this one whatsoever. Give Basil Popcorn his moment in the sun, for crying out loud.

[manticore]

I saw The Television Personalities at a tiny festival type thing at Donington Park around 1982 and because vitually no one in the crowd except me was paying them any attention the singer called us all 'cunts' and other sundry insults between every song. They didn't play an encore. That's the kind of approach I like, none of this sycophantic crap.

In 1983 Misty in Roots played York University and stared at the whitey student audience with looks of deep disdain throughout, not saying a word between songs. They went off for a c. 45 minute ganja break at the end before coming back for a brief encore. That was cool too.

I'm guessing maybe nowadays bands are too reliant on concerts for a living to show the audience the contempt they deserve.

[Bobby Treetops]

The lead singer, usually American, telling the audience how great they are and they're the best audience they've had so far on their tour. Deep down the audience know this is bollocks, was said the night before and will be repeated at the next show.

Unless you're Grace Jones who after fifteen minutes of playing to uninterested Pulp fans in Hyde Park, repeated the above but with sarcasm and venom.

[Norton Canes]

The live-only cover version

[Bobby Treetops]

I blame Liam Gallagher for this one, but the coked up lead singer of a lads type band, staring out the audience during a guitar solo.

Also pulling out an attractive women, and they're always attractive, from the audience to bring on stage to sing a song too them.

[boki]

Asking us all how we're feeling, never got the point of that.  Especially if you're feeling like shit and have come out to a gig to forget about how you're feeling, but even without that, there's not really any obvious thing for the crowd to shout in union, so you just get this awkward kind of cheer thing that only the massively-wasted are remotely invested in.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Going into the crowd to be with the people! Surrounded by security so they can't get anywhere near you!

[SteveDave]

Dave Grohl

[the]

I hate it when they wheel on a Pacific walrus and wank it off into the crowd

[holyzombiejesus]

Mid gig acoustic set

Female from the support act comes on to help with backing vocals

[buzby]

The post-modern take on fake encores. Yes, we know you're going to come back on in a minute. Yes, you're going to tell us you know that we know you're coming back on.

Actually, not sure which is worse. Playing the straight encore game, or the 'funny' 'we're going to leave the stage, you clap then we come back on' game.

The only way out of this is to state early on there'll be no encore shenannegins, then finishing on a hit and going. And I'm not sure if this just ruins the end of the night before it's underway.

Makes you long for early-mid 80s New Order concerts - no banter (usually no talking to the audience at all), a pissed-off, pissed up lead singer angrily castigating the soundman mid-song, a bassist who stands with his back to the audience for most of the gig, a 35-minute set and no encore (the promoters resorted to printing this on the tickets when they toured in the US).

[New Jack]

The crowd

[Icehaven]

Singer taking a moment to 'give all our thoughts to the victims of...'' whatever the most recent terrorist incident or humanitarian disaster is, which inevitably gets an enormously loud and long cheer during which they'll try (and often fail) to look humble. 

[imitationleather]

Dave Gahan doing his seemingly improvised "Woop!"s and "Come on!"s during the songs in the exact same place every single night.

[Icehaven]

Millions of bits of paper released from the ceiling which you're still finding in your underwear two days later.

[doppelkorn]

CaB's eating itself. Almost some word-for-word repetition here.

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,40612.30.html

No judging tho.

[manticore]

Makes you long for early-mid 80s New Order concerts - no banter (usually no talking to the audience at all), a pissed-off, pissed up lead singer angrily castigating the soundman mid-song, a bassist who stands with his back to the audience for most of the gig, a 35-minute set and no encore (the promoters resorted to printing this on the tickets when they toured in the US).

When I saw New Order do a notably dreadful concert in Oxford in the mid-80s Barney said to the unresponsive audience at one stage 'This is why we don't do gigs in Cambridge', which I thought was funny. I think it was a genuine mistake.

[lipsink]

It's the last, or second-to-last, song. Singer does that thing of introducing each band member as they chug along with the tune. As each one is named, they do a little flourish on their instrument. "On the drums, Mr Barney McGee" Thump-thump ker-boom cymbal crash. "On the bass, Matt Alligator" Dun dun dun-dun-dun. "On the keys, we've got our main man Cuthbert Custard" Tinkling of ivories. "On the geetar, it's Basil Popcorn" Twang-a-wanga-guitar-solo-blast.

I especially hate it when after introducing everyone in the band the singer then introduces themselves. Tit.

The one I hate is when they say: "Let me hear you sing!" "Louder! I can't hear ya!"

Fuck off, we didn't come here to do all the work.

[thecuriousorange]

I hate call-and-response audience interaction.

Like the Freddie Mecury "Daaaaaaay oh" stuff.

[lankyguy95]

Dave Grohl

I like Dave Grohl but his whole "We're just gonna play till they tell us to stop/turn the sound off..." nonsense drives me up the wall.

[Berthas Fat Leg]

When the singer jokingly slags off a nearby city to where the gig is, not realising about 50% of the crowd are likely from there anyway.

[Steven]

Singers interjecting on their own lyrics.

[Keebleman]

Dave Gahan doing his seemingly improvised "Woop!"s and "Come on!"s during the songs in the exact same place every single night.

He's the Frankie Howerd of pop.