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Concert cliches you want to fuck off

Started by thecuriousorange, June 18, 2018, 10:57:17 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

QDRPHNC


DrGreggles

Cunts filming the gigs on their phones and holding it up in front of other people to prevent them seeing anything, other than through their viewfinder.
I usually politely say " Could you put your phone down please, I can't see." in the first instance.
"Put your phone down." in the second.
Then "If I see that phone again once more you won't see it again!"

Most people feel bad after the first interjection and stop.
More cunty cunts get the second and the bigger cunts get the third.

So far there have been 4 occasions that have gone past the 3rd instance:
- 2 phones grabbed, dropped to the floor and kicked into the crowd - no words said
- 1 phone grabbed, put in my pocket with the cunt told to collect it after the gig (I missed my calling as a teacher, I think)*
- 1 phone grabbed, smashed on the floor and me yelling "I fucking warned you, you selfish cunt!" in his face. The few people standing near me cheered and his mates pissed themselves laughing.**

*He got it back after grovelling like a cunt
**This cunt was an absolute cunt though, even more cunty than all the other cunts. I was in a shit mood that day.

AsparagusTrevor

Quote from: DrGreggles on June 19, 2018, 07:05:13 PM
Cunts filming the gigs on their phones and holding it up in front of other people to prevent them seeing anything, other than through their viewfinder.
I usually politely say " Could you put your phone down please, I can't see." in the first instance.
"Put your phone down." in the second.
Then "If I see that phone again once more you won't see it again!"

Most people feel bad after the first interjection and stop.
More cunty cunts get the second and the bigger cunts get the third.

So far there have been 4 occasions that have gone past the 3rd instance:
- 2 phones grabbed, dropped to the floor and kicked into the crowd - no words said
- 1 phone grabbed, put in my pocket with the cunt told to collect it after the gig (I missed my calling as a teacher, I think)*
- 1 phone grabbed, smashed on the floor and me yelling "I fucking warned you, you selfish cunt!" in his face. The few people standing near me cheered and his mates pissed themselves laughing.**

*He got it back after grovelling like a cunt
**This cunt was an absolute cunt though, even more cunty than all the other cunts. I was in a shit mood that day.

I don't know what they're expecting to capture with their phones. All they'll get is some grainy silhouettes in front of over-saturated light blooms set to a muffled wall of tinny noise.

Josh Homme deliberately stopping gigs to pick on men in the audience who throw plastic/paper cups. Yes throwing cups is twattish thing to do but don't give yourself a powertrip by singling out some unfortunate soul you lanky ginger cunt.

holyzombiejesus

80s indie bands with bass players who have bits of paper in their 2 days worn underwear.

DrGreggles

Quote from: AsparagusTrevor on June 19, 2018, 08:19:03 PM
I don't know what they're expecting to capture with their phones. All they'll get is some grainy silhouettes in front of over-saturated light blooms set to a muffled wall of tinny noise.

It's the sheer lack of consideration for others.
Does my fucking head in!

Cuntbeaks

Quote from: DrGreggles on June 19, 2018, 07:05:13 PM
Cunts filming the gigs on their phones and holding it up in front of other people to prevent them seeing anything, other than through their viewfinder.
I usually politely say " Could you put your phone down please, I can't see." in the first instance.
"Put your phone down." in the second.
Then "If I see that phone again once more you won't see it again!"

Most people feel bad after the first interjection and stop.
More cunty cunts get the second and the bigger cunts get the third.

So far there have been 4 occasions that have gone past the 3rd instance:
- 2 phones grabbed, dropped to the floor and kicked into the crowd - no words said
- 1 phone grabbed, put in my pocket with the cunt told to collect it after the gig (I missed my calling as a teacher, I think)*
- 1 phone grabbed, smashed on the floor and me yelling "I fucking warned you, you selfish cunt!" in his face. The few people standing near me cheered and his mates pissed themselves laughing.**

*He got it back after grovelling like a cunt
**This cunt was an absolute cunt though, even more cunty than all the other cunts. I was in a shit mood that day.

I agree that cunts filming gigs with their shit phones can be annoying. I'll move away if that's much of an issue for me. I have myself been know to grab a few pics for posterity at gigs and if in doing so, some mardy cunt tried to grab my phone, i would have no hesitation in punching them in the fucking tits.

I can only guess that you haven't tried that shit in Scotland?  As i dont think it wouod have been as passively accepted.

imitationleather

Quote from: DrGreggles on June 19, 2018, 07:05:13 PM
Cunts filming the gigs on their phones and holding it up in front of other people to prevent them seeing anything, other than through their viewfinder.
I usually politely say " Could you put your phone down please, I can't see." in the first instance.
"Put your phone down." in the second.
Then "If I see that phone again once more you won't see it again!"

Most people feel bad after the first interjection and stop.
More cunty cunts get the second and the bigger cunts get the third.

So far there have been 4 occasions that have gone past the 3rd instance:
- 2 phones grabbed, dropped to the floor and kicked into the crowd - no words said
- 1 phone grabbed, put in my pocket with the cunt told to collect it after the gig (I missed my calling as a teacher, I think)*
- 1 phone grabbed, smashed on the floor and me yelling "I fucking warned you, you selfish cunt!" in his face. The few people standing near me cheered and his mates pissed themselves laughing.**

*He got it back after grovelling like a cunt
**This cunt was an absolute cunt though, even more cunty than all the other cunts. I was in a shit mood that day.

This post belongs in H.S. Art, surely?

DrGreggles

Quote from: Cuntbeaks on June 19, 2018, 10:28:54 PM
I agree that cunts filming gigs with their shit phones can be annoying. I'll move away if that's much of an issue for me. I have myself been know to grab a few pics for posterity at gigs and if in doing so, some mardy cunt tried to grab my phone, i would have no hesitation in punching them in the fucking tits.

I can only guess that you haven't tried that shit in Scotland?  As i dont think it wouod have been as passively accepted.

I meant filming, not taking a few quick snaps.

Actually I've been to quite a few gigs in Scotland and their gig etiquette is of a high standard. Well done them.

Brundle-Fly

Quote from: doppelkorn on June 19, 2018, 02:28:34 PM
CaB's eating itself. Almost some word-for-word repetition here.

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,40612.30.html

No judging tho.

Ha! Guilty as charged.

CAB. Consistent and boring?

BlodwynPig

Quote from: DrGreggles on June 19, 2018, 07:05:13 PM
Cunts filming the gigs on their phones and holding it up in front of other people to prevent them seeing anything, other than through their viewfinder.
I usually politely say " Could you put your phone down please, I can't see." in the first instance.
"Put your phone down." in the second.
Then "If I see that phone again once more you won't see it again!"

Most people feel bad after the first interjection and stop.
More cunty cunts get the second and the bigger cunts get the third.

So far there have been 4 occasions that have gone past the 3rd instance:
- 2 phones grabbed, dropped to the floor and kicked into the crowd - no words said
- 1 phone grabbed, put in my pocket with the cunt told to collect it after the gig (I missed my calling as a teacher, I think)*
- 1 phone grabbed, smashed on the floor and me yelling "I fucking warned you, you selfish cunt!" in his face. The few people standing near me cheered and his mates pissed themselves laughing.**

*He got it back after grovelling like a cunt
**This cunt was an absolute cunt though, even more cunty than all the other cunts. I was in a shit mood that day.

Hero. I've had run in with chatty fucks at gigs and ended up having group hugs or my glasses being (unwittingly) trampled on by Hawkwind hairies who took my angry outburst as foreplay

hermitical

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on June 19, 2018, 12:54:22 PM
Mid gig acoustic set

Female from the support act comes on to help with backing vocals



Who are you going to see that does that? And in what decade?

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Relieved this thread has not fallen into the trap of portraying us as joyless miser cunts who need electrodes crocodile clipped to our genitals in order to get a hard-on.

kittens

Quote from: DrGreggles on June 19, 2018, 07:05:13 PM
Cunts filming the gigs on their phones and holding it up in front of other people to prevent them seeing anything, other than through their viewfinder.
I usually politely say " Could you put your phone down please, I can't see." in the first instance.
"Put your phone down." in the second.
Then "If I see that phone again once more you won't see it again!"

Most people feel bad after the first interjection and stop.
More cunty cunts get the second and the bigger cunts get the third.

So far there have been 4 occasions that have gone past the 3rd instance:
- 2 phones grabbed, dropped to the floor and kicked into the crowd - no words said
- 1 phone grabbed, put in my pocket with the cunt told to collect it after the gig (I missed my calling as a teacher, I think)*
- 1 phone grabbed, smashed on the floor and me yelling "I fucking warned you, you selfish cunt!" in his face. The few people standing near me cheered and his mates pissed themselves laughing.**

*He got it back after grovelling like a cunt
**This cunt was an absolute cunt though, even more cunty than all the other cunts. I was in a shit mood that day.

YOU MUST ENJOY THIS PERFORMANCE ONLY IN THE WAY I PRESCRIBE!! I WILL DESTROY YOUR PROPERTY IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY!!!

kittens

i hate it when the band does anything other than a note perfect rendition of the playlist i selected and handed to them before the performance, and when the crowd does anything other than stand completely silently and motionless in height order

DrGreggles

Quote from: kittens on June 20, 2018, 08:07:13 AM
YOU MUST ENJOY THIS PERFORMANCE ONLY IN THE WAY I PRESCRIBE!! I WILL DESTROY YOUR PROPERTY IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY!!!

Yes, that's exactly what I said happens...


idunnosomename

fuckers at the proms who clap between movements.

soloist after the concerto who plays a solo encore but just mumbles what it is and you spend the whole thing thinking "wtf is this"

people who see the gap between movements as a place to cough their fucking guts out

people who cough

cunts who dont let me look at their programme. I just want to see how many movements it has. I'm not paying £5 for a fucking leaflet. I'm not a rich bastard like you

clapping before they've fucking done anything

elgar

Jockice

Quote from: manticore on June 19, 2018, 03:01:50 PM
When I saw New Order do a notably dreadful concert in Oxford in the mid-80s Barney said to the unresponsive audience at one stage 'This is why we don't do gigs in Cambridge', which I thought was funny. I think it was a genuine mistake.

Pete Wylie on stage in Sheffield in the mid-80s. "It's great to be back in Wolverhampton." I think this was a joke. And I did find it funny.
Terry Hall when the Fun Boy Three played Sheffield. "Hello, we're The Human League." Ditto.
Simon Climie doing a pre-tour phone interview with me. "Be sure to tell our fans in Nottingham we're looking forward to seeing them." Definitely a mistake. He was horrified when I told him I was in Sheffield.

Jockice


Kane Jones

Quote from: Jockice on June 20, 2018, 08:43:03 AM
Pete Wylie on stage in Sheffield in the mid-80s. "It's great to be back in Wolverhampton." I think this was a joke. And I did find it funny.

After living in the States for a while, didn't Sheena Easton notoriously come back to Scotland to do concert only to announce "It's great to be back in England." Bet that went over well.

king_tubby

Fuckers pushing through a crowded gig carrying three pints in crappy bendy plastic glasses which spill beer all over the place.

If you really can't enjoy a performance without dulling your brain with drink, buy it in fucking cans instead. Everywhere sells cans. Piss easy to carry, less spillage. Fucking hell, it is not fucking rocket science. You cunts.

Jockice

Quote from: Kane Jones on June 20, 2018, 09:02:29 AM
After living in the States for a while, didn't Sheena Easton notoriously come back to Scotland to do concert only to announce "It's great to be back in England." Bet that went over well.

Not sure about that but she got booed at an open-air concert in Glasgow for speaking in an American accent.

Kane Jones

Quote from: Jockice on June 20, 2018, 09:12:31 AM
Not sure about that but she got booed at an open-air concert in Glasgow for speaking in an American accent.

Ah, that sounds more likely. Cheers.

Panbaams


Kane Jones

Some seriously moaning minnies in here. Day to day life must be an absolute chore. A few more chilled out laqers and wanks in order, I reckon.

Quote from: king_tubby on June 20, 2018, 09:08:17 AM
Fuckers pushing through a crowded gig carrying three pints in crappy bendy plastic glasses which spill beer all over the place.

If you really can't enjoy a performance without dulling your brain with drink, buy it in fucking cans instead. Everywhere sells cans. Piss easy to carry, less spillage. Fucking hell, it is not fucking rocket science. You cunts.

It's getting worse than that now. Went to a gig at Alexandra Palace at the weekend and they've set up half the building as a concert hall and the other half as a "festival" so there's all these food stalls there. They didn't put any security between the two halls so you've got cunts in the crowd barging about carrying whole fucking pizzas and noodles and dropping the empty/half empty boxes all over the floor. It's one thing to step in a spilt beer or on a dropped plastic glass, another to step in spilt cheesy chips and ketchup.

Another cliché peeve of mine; small, waifish girl fighting through to squeeze into a tiny space in front of you and then turning around and beckoning her group of six big bloke mates who are all after fucking her to come join her.


New Jack

Quote from: king_tubby on June 20, 2018, 09:08:17 AM
Fuckers pushing through a crowded gig carrying three pints in crappy bendy plastic glasses which spill beer all over the place.

If you really can't enjoy a performance without dulling your brain with drink, buy it in fucking cans instead. Everywhere sells cans. Piss easy to carry, less spillage. Fucking hell, it is not fucking rocket science. You cunts.

In my recent experiences cans just get emptied into the plastic glasses, which is a bit infuriating as if you think being splashed with booze is bad, it's nothing compared to my anger at wasting precious alcohol down the front of your shirt....

PaulTMA

Quote from: Kane Jones on June 20, 2018, 09:02:29 AM
After living in the States for a while, didn't Sheena Easton notoriously come back to Scotland to do concert only to announce "It's great to be back in England." Bet that went over well.

I remember that gig, it was Madstock wasn't it, where Morrissey came on stage dressed as Hitler

Kula Shaker were also on the bill playing on front of burning swastikas

AsparagusTrevor

Quote from: PaulTMA on June 20, 2018, 10:44:26 AM
I remember that gig, it was Madstock wasn't it, where Morrissey came on stage dressed as Hitler

It was so much worse - he came on stage dressed as Morrissey.