Concert cliches you want to fuck off

[PaulTMA]

Scottish audiences are the best in world!

When they're not spontanously bursting into impromptu renditions of Flower Of Scotland at a Blur concert, getting chants of "here we, here we, here we fucking go" going and periodically yelling out variations on "gwan yersel big man" at the lead singer, hahahahah, pure love aw that pish

[thecuriousorange]

Pete Wylie on stage in Sheffield in the mid-80s. "It's great to be back in Wolverhampton." I think this was a joke. And I did find it funny.
Terry Hall when the Fun Boy Three played Sheffield. "Hello, we're The Human League." Ditto.
Simon Climie doing a pre-tour phone interview with me. "Be sure to tell our fans in Nottingham we're looking forward to seeing them." Definitely a mistake. He was horrified when I told him I was in Sheffield.

Warpaint said something on stage about how they're enjoying the Scottish accents. This was at the Green Man festival. In Wales.

[holyzombiejesus]

Who are you going to see that does that? And in what decade?

I've seen them both happen at loads of gigs. First that springs to mind is B&S who do both all the time (if they do LLPJ).

[phantom_power]

Audiences clapping on the 1st and 3rd beats. There is a great clip on youtube of Harry Connick Jr (I know) adding an extra beat into a solo to get the crowd clapping properly. Say what you like about him but it was masterful

[hermitical]

First that springs to mind is B&S

Well that's your mistake right there.

[Blinder Data]

Beck did an acoustic medley mid-set at All Points East this year

Are we just listing general clichés rather than annoying ones? None of these clichés piss me off. The only thing about gigs that piss me off are a shit sound or annoying audience members, both of which aren't the responsibility of the band/artist.

[phantom_power]

Beck also did an "introducing the band" thing at that Big Weekend event the other week. Each band member played a bit of a different song within the song they were playing though (bit Talking Heads from the bass player etc). It was very good

[holyzombiejesus]

Are we just listing general clichés rather than annoying ones?

Yep. Oscillations: home of the list thread.

[hermitical]

[itsfredtitmus]

when the little people come on

[itsfredtitmus]

the scousers you find sometimes

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Cunts filming the gigs on their phones and holding it up in front of other people to prevent them seeing anything, other than through their viewfinder.
I usually politely say " Could you put your phone down please, I can't see." in the first instance.
"Put your phone down." in the second.
Then "If I see that phone again once more you won't see it again!"

Most people feel bad after the first interjection and stop.
More cunty cunts get the second and the bigger cunts get the third.

So far there have been 4 occasions that have gone past the 3rd instance:
- 2 phones grabbed, dropped to the floor and kicked into the crowd - no words said
- 1 phone grabbed, put in my pocket with the cunt told to collect it after the gig (I missed my calling as a teacher, I think)*
- 1 phone grabbed, smashed on the floor and me yelling "I fucking warned you, you selfish cunt!" in his face. The few people standing near me cheered and his mates pissed themselves laughing.**

*He got it back after grovelling like a cunt
**This cunt was an absolute cunt though, even more cunty than all the other cunts. I was in a shit mood that day.

I'm actually quite taken aback that you've not been given a lot more stick for this post by a lot more people. Snatching someone's phone off them, sticking it in your pocket and saying " you may have this back after the concert " merely makes you an arsehole, and lucky not to have been lamped,  but actually SMASHING  SOMEONE ELSE'S PHONE TO THE GROUND, and coming on here to brag about it ? Well, Gosh, you big fucking hero !

Fuck Off, you prick.

[mobias]

Scottish audiences are the best in world!

getting chants of "here we, here we, here we fucking go"

I remember going to see The Chemical Brothers in the Slam tent at T in the Park in 2004 and the noise of the crowd singing 'here we, here we, here we fucking go' during their long intro was deafening and louder than their PA. I've read a few interviews with Ed Simmons over the years where he's said it was definitely one of the best live moments the Chems had ever witnessed.

Over the years I'd often wondered who started the tradition of singing it at Scottish gigs and indeed who starts singing it at any given gig to get the crowd going. Then a few years back I went to see Groove Armada at the Glasgow Barrowlands and I turned around to see a single Glaswegian E head start singing it next to me and within what seemed like about 5 seconds 2000 people were singing it.

If you've never been to a gig in Scotland none of this will really make any sense to you but I assure you its something to behold.

[Brundle-Fly]

I'm actually quite taken aback that you've not been given a lot more stick for this post by a lot more people. Snatching someone's phone off them, sticking it in your pocket and saying " you may have this back after the concert " merely makes you an arsehole, and lucky not to have been lamped,  but actually SMASHING  SOMEONE ELSE'S PHONE TO THE GROUND, and coming on here to brag about it ? Well, Gosh, you big fucking hero !

Fuck Off, you prick.

I'm not angry because I don't believe any of the third instances ever actually occurred in Dr Greggles post.

[Spiteface]

The post-modern take on fake encores. Yes, we know you're going to come back on in a minute. Yes, you're going to tell us you know that we know you're coming back on.

Actually, not sure which is worse. Playing the straight encore game, or the 'funny' 'we're going to leave the stage, you clap then we come back on' game.

The only way out of this is to state early on there'll be no encore shenannegins, then finishing on a hit and going. And I'm not sure if this just ruins the end of the night before it's underway.

It's basically how the Manics do it. James does 2 songs solo in the middle, the rest of the band comes back, they do a bunch more songs, A Design For Life and then fuck off. To my knowledge Cuba was the only time they've done an encore.

[rectorofstiffkey]

It's the last, or second-to-last, song. Singer does that thing of introducing each band member as they chug along with the tune. As each one is named, they do a little flourish on their instrument. "On the drums, Mr Barney McGee" Thump-thump ker-boom cymbal crash. "On the bass, Matt Alligator" Dun dun dun-dun-dun. "On the keys, we've got our main man Cuthbert Custard" Tinkling of ivories. "On the geetar, it's Basil Popcorn" Twang-a-wanga-guitar-solo-blast.

You get the picture. I know many acts are too cool to do this stuff, but every now and again I end up at a sit-down adult concert and this routine is inevitable.

I saw a variation of this once when I went to a tribute act where there were only 5 people in the audience.  When the band got to the end, the lead singer said "At this point we usually introduce the band to the audience...tonight, it'd be quicker to introduce the audience to the band!", and they all jumped off the stage and ambled over for a chat.  Which was nice.

[Dr Rock]

I'm actually quite taken aback that you've not been given a lot more stick for this post by a lot more people. Snatching someone's phone off them, sticking it in your pocket and saying " you may have this back after the concert " merely makes you an arsehole, and lucky not to have been lamped,  but actually SMASHING  SOMEONE ELSE'S PHONE TO THE GROUND, and coming on here to brag about it ? Well, Gosh, you big fucking hero !

Fuck Off, you prick.

I fully support DrGreggles approach and actions. Inconsiderate people were asked nicely not to stop the enjoyment of another's experience. Then they were asked assertively. To ignore this they might as well be saying 'fuck off, I'll ruin your experience of I like. And I don't believe you are going to do any more than ask me, which I will ignore.'

Any further action is what these selfish cunts deserve.

[kittens]

I'm actually quite taken aback that you've not been given a lot more stick for this post by a lot more people. Snatching someone's phone off them, sticking it in your pocket and saying " you may have this back after the concert " merely makes you an arsehole, and lucky not to have been lamped,  but actually SMASHING  SOMEONE ELSE'S PHONE TO THE GROUND, and coming on here to brag about it ? Well, Gosh, you big fucking hero !

Fuck Off, you prick.

i wrote a long post at work about how cross i was with that but decided to delete it. still fuming. sitting here seething. ARGH FUCKING HELL

[Sebastian Cobb]

I'm not angry because I don't believe any of the third instances ever actually occurred in Dr Greggles post.

Lol, this. Pure Internet hardmanning.

[Brundle-Fly]

Lol, this. Pure Internet hardmanning.

Is this another new interpretive urban dictionary phrase I've learnt today?

[idunnosomename]

People who yell "play Free Bird". I pick them up, raise them above my head, and throw them out of the venue to rounds of applause, then the band invite me up to the stage and I play a bitchin' guitar solo

[mobias]

I doff my hat to the Cure when it comes to encores. I saw them many years ago and they played for about 2 hours before they then went off stage. After much cheering and clapping they came back on and played for another hour and half. Say what you like about the Cure they sure give you your money's worth.

[greencalx]

Yes you do have to set aside a month if you go to a Cure gig.

[VelourSpirit]

The Cure playing really long encores to prevent me from going home.
I usually politely say "Could you turn your music down please, I want to go home." in the first instance.
"Put your guitar down." in the second.
Then "If I hear Pictures of You again once more you won't play it again!"

[non capisco]

It's not just the hairstyle Robert Smith nicked from Ken Dodd.

[DrGreggles]

I'm actually quite taken aback that you've not been given a lot more stick for this post by a lot more people. Snatching someone's phone off them, sticking it in your pocket and saying " you may have this back after the concert " merely makes you an arsehole, and lucky not to have been lamped,  but actually SMASHING  SOMEONE ELSE'S PHONE TO THE GROUND, and coming on here to brag about it ? Well, Gosh, you big fucking hero !

Fuck Off, you prick.

It wasn't a brag, I was merely pointing out what happened on a few occasions when some absolute cunts were ruining gigs for other patrons.
These people are selfish and inconsiderate, and had been asked repeatedly (at varying levels of politeness) to stop filming because others couldn't see.
They were warned what would happen, and still carried on, so I stuck to my word.

So, in short: No. YOU fuck off, you prick.
I hope you were one of the four.

[Mike Upchat]

Crikey! Those Demi Lovato gigs are serious business.

[Phil_A]

I found a Cure bootleg in a charity shop years ago(Wembley 1989?). It filled up both sides of a 90 minute tape.

I later found out this was part of a set of two, and in fact it was only half the gig. Fucking hell.

[DrGreggles]

Crikey! Those Demi Lovato gigs are serious business.

It was the Fast Food Rockers, mate.
That cunt with the smashed phone must be in her 20s now.

[Brundle-Fly]

It wasn't a brag, I was merely pointing out what happened on a few occasions when some absolute cunts were ruining gigs for other patrons.
These people are selfish and inconsiderate, and had been asked repeatedly (at varying levels of politeness) to stop filming because others couldn't see.
They were warned what would happen, and still carried on, so I stuck to my word.

So, in short: No. YOU fuck off, you prick.
I hope you were one of the four.

Blimey, Greggles!  Do you get road rage too?