Author Topic: Your Worst Cinema Experiences  (Read 8467 times)

St_Eddie

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Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« on: June 21, 2018, 05:53:55 PM »
We've all had them, I'm sure.  Whether it's a shoddy venue, unhelpful and disinterested staff, or most commonly; rude and disrespectful fellow patrons.

I was inspired to create this thread, due to my recent experience of watching Hereditary at the cinema.  There was a woman quite far behind me and to the left who was the worst possible person to have at any screening.  Here's a few "highlights" of this moron's behaviour during the screening, all of the following were said loudly and with no consideration for the other people in the audience.  I was several rows down from this woman and I could still clearly hear everything that she said, even over the louder than normal cinema speakers (spoilers for Hereditary to follow)...

* When we see Annie's marquette of her Mother, standing over her bed with her breast out: "Hahaha!  She's got her tit out!"

* When Charlie cuts the head of the dead pigeon off: "What'd she do that for?!" (keep watching and pay attention and maybe you'll find out, you silly cow).

* When Charlie's head hits the post, whilst Peter is driving: "HAHAHAHAHAHA" (as though this harrowing and disturbing moment was the comedy event of the year).

* When the naked cult members appear towards the end of the film: "HAHAHAHAHAHA" (because you know, creepy, nude people in a horror film are automatically hilarious because they have no clothes on).

* During the last 10 minutes or so of the film, she started to have a nonstop conversation with whomever her friend/boyfriend was, until the credits rolled.  At full volume.

During all of the above incidents there was a fella behind me and to the right (it sounded like he was probably on the same row as the disruptive irritant) and every time that she'd make an obnoxious remark, he'd shush her.  He started off very politely and quietly with a small "ssshh" and then this progressively got louder and more angry as the film went on and the woman kept being an inconsiderate idiot, until towards the end is was a full on "SSSHHHHHHHH!!!".  The stupid cunt responded with her own angry "ssshhhh!" towards this man, each and every time that he did this (because yeah, clearly this man was the one who was being out of order for telling her to be quiet).  Whomever that man was, he's my hero.  Good on him.  I felt bad that he was a lot closer to the moron than I was.  It must have been driving him mad.  As it was, it was pissing me off but it would have made me downright murderous, had I been within a couple of rows of her.

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Unfortunately, I've got a friend who's also a cinema irritant (I refuse to go to the cinema with him nowadays as a result).  I've posted about him before...

I've got a mate who I went to the cinema with to watch Blade Runner 2049.  Never again will I be watching a film on the silver screen with him.  Personally, I never eat food at the cinema because I know how annoying it can be to those around you but my friend has no such qualms.  Our local cinema serves hot food.  He ordered some garlic bread, which was then duly delivered to him, once the film had already started.  The disruption of this was bad enough but then the room also began to stink of garlic.  He eats with his mouth open, so the sound was unbearable too.

He also purchased a family sized bucket of popcorn, which he immediately started to consume after slurping down his garlic bread.  It was such a large amount of popcorn, that it lasted a full hour into the film, even though he was continuously munching his way through it nonstop.  Mouth a-gaped and producing an incredibly loud and annoying sound with every bite.  The last 10 minutes of his incessant popcorn eating was the worst part because then the sound of him rustling around the bottom of the bucket got introduced into the equation.  Blade Runner 2049 has some very quiet and atmospheric moments.  During these moments, the sound of him shoveling food into his mouth echoed throughout the screening room, now surely filled to the brim with an incredibly annoyed audience.

Furthermore, despite me reminding him to turn his phone off before the film started, he didn't and of course, a friend phoned him during the last act of the film's plot.  He actually answered it!  "Sorry, mate.  I'm at the cinema.  I'll phone you back later".  I angrily whispered for him to turn his phone off.  His reply?  "I can't".  I didn't challenge him on this frankly baffling and infuriating statement because I didn't want to disrupt the other patrons any further by continuing to talk.

The whole ordeal was horrendous and my mate showed absolutely zero shame throughout.  He's a nice guy with a good heart but possesses a horrible lack of awareness when it comes to cinema etiquette and having consideration for others.  The levels of embarrassment I suffered through association were off the chart!  I kept putting my face in my hand and shaking my head throughout his behaviour, to at least try and show the other people sat behind me that I was just as annoyed as they were, so that they hopefully wouldn't hate me too.
« Last Edit: June 21, 2018, 07:37:39 PM by St_Eddie »

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2018, 06:21:33 PM »
I always try to need a shit whenever I visit the cinema, so that if anyone in there annoys me I can immediately start shitting without needing to gather myself very much from my buttocks.  Gives them a taste of their own medicine (and the smell of shit).

St_Eddie

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2018, 06:30:09 PM »
I always try to need a shit whenever I visit the cinema, so that if anyone in there annoys me I can immediately start shitting without needing to gather myself very much from my buttocks.  Gives them a taste of their own medicine (and the smell of shit).

Of course, innocent bystanders will also be affected.  The casualties of war, I suppose.

mothman

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2018, 07:04:19 PM »
Your first anecdote, that’s not normal. She sounds like she has learning difficulties, frankly.

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2018, 07:22:31 PM »
Legend Sally

St_Eddie

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2018, 07:31:27 PM »
Your first anecdote, that’s not normal. She sounds like she has learning difficulties, frankly.

I guess that's a possibility but she didn't sound like she had learning difficulties.  She just sounded like a thick cunt who thinks that the cinema is a place for social interaction and live commentary.  I very briefly dated a woman who was exactly the same (and no, the woman at the screening of Hereditary is not the same woman whom I dated); she talked throughout the movie we were watching, only occasionally looking up at the screen, to remark upon something that was happening.  I was too polite to tell her to shut up but I wish that I had.

Malcy

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #6 on: June 21, 2018, 10:09:53 PM »
Went to see Straight Outta Compton. 3 kids sat behind me in a mostly empty cinema asking each other loudly which one was the 'iceman'. Playing on their phones doing my fucking head in. There was a little black box on the screen that was annoyng me to. Especially since i had mentioned it to staff several times over the years. Halfway through i told the cretins behind me to shut the fuck up. 5 mins later a guy carrying a massive masonry drill walked along the bottom of the screen, out the fire exit letting in all the light and then started making a racket drilling in to the wall.

Add to that the annoying ads and stupid cinema rules cartoon that the Irish think is so hilarious and guffaw through every time and i decided then not to go back there for a while.

St_Eddie

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #7 on: June 21, 2018, 10:36:58 PM »
5 mins later a guy carrying a massive masonry drill walked along the bottom of the screen, out the fire exit letting in all the light and then started making a racket drilling in to the wall.

Utterly bizarre.  Was this a man who just liked drilling into walls as a pastime or was he hired by the cinema to carry out repairs, during a screening? 

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #8 on: June 21, 2018, 11:01:25 PM »
Mine was probably when I went to see Ransom whilst at university, and a guy was being really loud behind me so I asked him to shut up in a rather stroppy way. After doing so a friend tapped me on the shoulder and pointed out that the guy was with the Cambridge Rugby team, and all of them were looking rather angry, so I spent the whole film predicting my doom, and the moment it ended dashed out of the emergency exit.

St_Eddie

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #9 on: June 21, 2018, 11:14:26 PM »
Mine was probably when I went to see Ransom whilst at university, and a guy was being really loud behind me so I asked him to shut up in a rather stroppy way. After doing so a friend tapped me on the shoulder and pointed out that the guy was with the Cambridge Rugby team, and all of them were looking rather angry, so I spent the whole film predicting my doom, and the moment it ended dashed out of the emergency exit.

Now there's the rub.  I could never bring myself to tell a cinema irritant to shut up because as much as such inconsiderate behaviour spoils my enjoyment of a film; me worrying about potentially violent repercussions for telling them to shut up would absolutely stop me from enjoying the film in any capacity whatsoever.  Also, I wouldn't tell an irritant to shut up because I'm an inherent coward, so there's that.

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #10 on: June 21, 2018, 11:20:01 PM »
During Clue I through a hot lemon drink at some yapping idiots a few rows in front. There were only a few people in the cinema - I’m not a complete psychopath

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #11 on: June 21, 2018, 11:34:13 PM »
Bent over by a thug and arsefucked really hard during Step Up 2: The Streets. The usher walked in, shone the torch and just laughed. I can still hear the doors slamming behind him.

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #12 on: June 21, 2018, 11:47:46 PM »
Now there's the rub.  I could never bring myself to tell a cinema irritant to shut up because as much as such inconsiderate behaviour spoils my enjoyment of a film; me worrying about potentially violent repercussions for telling them to shut up would absolutely stop me from enjoying the film in any capacity whatsoever.  Also, I wouldn't tell an irritant to shut up because I'm an inherent coward, so there's that.

Oddly it hasn't stopped me, despite the fact that when I went to see Doug Stanhope about eight years ago a guy was being ridiculously irritating (to the point where Doug asked the whole audience to shout 'shut the fuck up' at him), but when I pleaded with him to be quiet in a very polite way, once the show was over he took a swing at me. Fortunately his aim was terrible, and then his girlfriend shouted at him to stop, but it was a very upsetting moment.

Malcy

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #13 on: July 05, 2018, 10:07:28 PM »
Utterly bizarre.  Was this a man who just liked drilling into walls as a pastime or was he hired by the cinema to carry out repairs, during a screening? 

I wish it was the former but i reckon i was just the stupidity of hiring someone to do noisy and long work during a film yeah. It helped that it was always a cheap cinema to go to. 5 euro during the day which was good but there was more often than not some sort of fuck up like putting on the wrong films, forgetting to hit play, out of focus picture, bad sound etc.

Strangely, i do miss the place a bit. Haven't been to the cinema since I moved back home last year. Well once to see Star Trek:TMP on a planetarium screen.

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #14 on: July 05, 2018, 10:16:06 PM »
Trying to watch an art film in Picadilly Circus when this bunch of undead cunts rounded on some poor american lad, gave him all sorts of shit. Then the all fucked off and he goes and turns into, I shit you not, a fucking wolf. Ruined the film for me.

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #15 on: July 05, 2018, 10:34:44 PM »
Ben Elton’s Maybe Baby. I doubt it will ever be worsted.

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #16 on: July 06, 2018, 09:31:59 AM »
Halfway through Interstellar a pair of teenagers on a bender bungled their way into the room and wandered up and down the aisle shouting things. Nothing happened until I left the screen to tell the staff. I really wanted them to restart the film so we could watch the previous 5 minutes undisturbed but of course they didn't. At least everyone applauded when the dickheads got thrown out.

Has anyone ever witnessed a situation where someone's being a prick in the audience and the cinema staff have dealt with it without anyone needing to tell them? This is what I crave.

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #17 on: July 06, 2018, 09:38:31 AM »
I saw several folks fall to their knees in Cineworld and put their hands on the back of the seat in front to pray during a screening of Passion of the Christ
and many blokes shifting uncomfortably in their seats during Nine Songs also at Cineworld while the sexy stuff was going on

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #18 on: July 06, 2018, 09:46:00 AM »
I stopped going to the cinema in the US years ago folllowing a series of events that included

*Seeing the Ring 2 (yeah, yeah) in a theatre absolutely jammed with kids aged between about 12 and 16, screaming, yelling, playing on phones, up and down and out of their seats and in and out of the auditorium, and hooting with laughter at every, single thing that appeared on the screen. We got up and left about half way through as the reaction wasn't even like an MST3K pisstake where the audience joins forces and has some laughs (like the showing of Hellraiser II I saw in a cinema with like a total of 6 other audience members that ended up being great fun).

We got our money back after complaining.

*Going to see Shaun of the Dead on my own at a cinema near to my mother's house shortly after it was released in the US -- I'd seen it in the UK, and I'd never thought twice about going to the cinema or theatre on my own while living in London, so yeah, went along to an early evening, mid week showing of Shaun hoping for some laughs. Nope -- had the joyful experience of being hit on by a creepy guy who assumed I'd come to the cinema alone to hook up (ok, whatever, moved away from him; I've never gone to the movies alone in the US, from teenhood through to middle age, without some creep hitting on me, since why else would I woman be on her own in the cinema?), but afterwards was followed out of the theatre to my car by a group of well-dressed, preppy teenagers who decided to throw rocks at my casually dressed, about 40 year old woman's head as I walked over to my car -- all this in a well-lit, suburban shopping precinct, so it's not as if I decided to go to the Bad Decisions Neighbourhood franchise of this theatre. Oh, also at that showing, about 1/4 of the audience got up and walked out at the 'Can I get any of you cunts a drink?' line, tutting (since cunt is like a super-bad word in the US). No one laughed during the entire film.

So, yeah, no probs doing concerts, films, theatre alone in the UK, but nope, won't do it alone in the US.

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #19 on: July 06, 2018, 10:40:54 AM »
When I saw Sweeny Todd at the cinema there were two young lads behind me who seemed annoyed whenever the characters started singing, as if they were unaware it was a musical. Firstly they were sighing so hard I could feel it on the back of my head. This escalated into loud groans and eventually, about halfway through the film, I turned round and said a vexed but fairly polite "Can you shut up please?" They obliged without causing a fuss but I was pretty wound up for most of the film. When we were leaving at the end I caught a glance of them and one of them looked as if they had cerebral palsy or something, crutches and all. I'm embarrassed to say I initially felt bad, but then I thought having a physical disability doesn't excuse being a cockwart.

I generally dislike going to the cinema. I usually try to go weekday afternoons (luckily I have Tuesday as a day off each week) as it avoids children and annoying crowds. I'm aware that makes me sound very antisocial and misanthropic, and I am.

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #20 on: July 06, 2018, 10:44:38 AM »
When I went to see The Godfather at the Prince Charles there was an Ali G type in the front row shouting 'TRIPLE TORTURE!' whenever someone was killed. Still, i'd take that over someone eating a pack of individually wrapped sweets.

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #21 on: July 06, 2018, 03:57:14 PM »
When I was 5 we got took by school to see Spirit and I had about 5 tropical ice lollies. I was snotty and crying by the end of the film and I puked everywhere, and I remember being aggressively lifted up by my arms and manhandled out by two teachers, vomiting all down the corridor on the carpet and everywhere. So I probably ruined many, many people's cinema experience that day

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #22 on: July 06, 2018, 04:02:09 PM »
Got really stoned before candyman only to discover they were doing a director Q&A beforehand. Was expecting to just roll in and sit in the dark and this pranged me out.

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #23 on: July 06, 2018, 06:05:02 PM »
Not my story, but a friend of mine who is extremely lightweight when it comes to drinking decided to abandon his friend-group while out on the town for his birthday and go to the cinema to see AVP: Requiem on his own.

Apparently he fell asleep about 15 minutes into the film, then woke up feeling sick due to the one or two drinks he'd been peer-pressured into having, so he urgently headed for the toilets only to find them blocked off by a life-sized cardboard Will Smith.

He threw up in front of Will, then went back to the movie feeling like a disgrace and watched another 10 minutes before falling asleep again, waking up and repeating the whole rigmarole once more, as the staff had covered the previous puke with sawdust but left Will in the same access-blocking position.

I suppose it's a story where everyone is in the wrong to some degree, like Reservoir Dogs.

mothman

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #24 on: July 06, 2018, 08:25:21 PM »
So you're saying... WILL SMITH shot Nice Guy Eddie?!

Kelvin

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #25 on: July 06, 2018, 08:52:05 PM »
A group of kids, probably very early teens, at a showing of X-Men: Apocolypse. Right from the trailers they were braying like arses, and the staff must have pegged them, because the second the film itself started and the kids didn't shut up, two ushers popped up from behind them and instantly warned them to stay quiet.

By the final hour of the film, though, they were talking, shouting and generally being obnoxious again, and after ignoring it for a while, I finally told them, quite sternly, to be quiet. Which they were, for about ten more minutes. Then it started again. Eventually, and after putting up with their din for a couple more scenes, I really aggressively told them to "shut the fuck up!",  knowing that doing so would either result in scaring them into silence, or getting my belly and throat slit with a penknife.

By some miracle, it worked! They were completely silent for what remained of the film, and even ran out - yes, ran! - the second the lights came up. They were that scared of the middle-aged nerd.

Reader, I knew how it felt to be a man that day. In fact, if anything, it might actually be my best cinema experience.     

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #26 on: July 06, 2018, 09:19:20 PM »
Similar story in Croydon, pricks being pricks in the row behind me and I was getting so annoyed my friend leaned over and said "are you okay?" and I shouted "I'M FINE, I JUST WANT THESE WANKERS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP." They did and I like to think everyone else there was applauding me in their minds, but didn't want to make more of a fuss before Minions had reached its thrilling climax.

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #27 on: July 07, 2018, 04:20:59 AM »
Never had a shocking one (someone brought a fish supper into a screening of Anchorman once) but I think the worst might have been me. Me & about 6 mates went to see Snakes on a Plane knowing about its status as a blown-up meme film so we were chuckling away merrily like the woman during Hereditary whilst pissing off the couple on a date who were taking the film seriously.

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #28 on: July 07, 2018, 04:28:55 AM »
It never ceases to amaze me how ignorant people can be. Talking throughout the film, distracting you with the light of their phones (which are, of course, meant to be switched off), and just generally being twats. Fuck 'em. FUCK 'EM ALL!

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #29 on: July 07, 2018, 09:01:18 AM »