Author Topic: Your Worst Cinema Experiences  (Read 7931 times)

Golden E. Pump

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #30 on: July 07, 2018, 09:06:53 AM »
Schindler's List.

Apparently not an appropriate movie to get your dick out to. Nobody had any issues during 'Up'. Hypocunts.

icehaven

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #31 on: July 07, 2018, 01:31:02 PM »
Your first anecdote, that’s not normal. She sounds like she has learning difficulties, frankly.

I thought that. An autistic friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend who had learning difficulties, and he says one of the big advantages of them splitting up was he'll never again have to deal with her inability to stop talking in the cinema.

On topic I have too many to mention, probably because of the chicken or egg situation of it seeming like people have become much less considerate in recent years just as I've simultaneously become more irritable and less tolerant of bad manners. Either way I don't go to the cinema at all anymore because I can't even be bothered with the pre-film wondering if some twat is going to be there then having to deal with it. Like others I have no compunction whatsoever about telling people to STFU and have done so in the past, but there's no guarantee it'll work and obviously can bring a load of grief which ruins the film anyway.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2018, 01:47:43 PM by icehaven »

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #32 on: July 07, 2018, 02:21:43 PM »
Same as icehaven, I rarely if ever visit the cinema these days.  I'd sooner spend £7 on a DVD of a film I'm vaguely interested in than pay more for a cinema ticket where I risk fuming the entire time because of twats.  I don't need to see films when they first come out.

I'm even more gobsmacked when the offending cinema audience aren't youths at all, but pensioners.  I'm someone who sometimes enjoys going to live Picturehouse screenings of various things like opera, and basically I am the only person of even close to my age - the rest of the audience basically being OAPs.  Who NATTER THROUGH THE ENTIRE FUCKING THING AS IF THEY ARE AT HOME.  Fuck's sake.

"Let's open the baps now," "No let's save them for the interval," "But I am hungry now," "Why did you make me a cheese bap when I asked for ham??" is a surprisingly regular discussion for most elderly couples and it lasts about an hour.  There's also a similar one about red and white wine; the wife reaches steaming point because her husband bought her either red or white wine at the bar when her preference is for the other.  "YOU KNEW WHICH ONE I WANTED; I TOLD YOU."  "Well I'm sorry about that - I must have forgotten."  "YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE."  Old ladies furious about this spend most of a screening kicking the seat in front of them in rage.

Phoenix Lazarus

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #33 on: July 07, 2018, 02:26:04 PM »
I saw several folks fall to their knees in Cineworld and put their hands on the back of the seat in front to pray during a screening of Passion of the Christ

someone brought a fish supper into a screening of Anchorman once

"Let's open the baps now," "No let's save them for the interval," "But I am hungry now," "Why did you make me a cheese bap when I asked for ham??" is a surprisingly regular discussion for most elderly couples and it lasts about an hour.  There's also a similar one about red and white wine; the woman is tangibly fuming because her husband bought her either red or white wine when her preference is for the other.  Old ladies angry about this spend most of a screening kicking the seat in front of them in rage.

If someone brought a fish supper, baps or wine, into Passion of the Christ, maybe they'd get multiplied so that the whole audience could have some.

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #34 on: July 07, 2018, 03:48:19 PM »
I still quite like going to the cinema. I usually go midweek or on a Sunday evening and the place is quiet.

Part of the reason I like it is because of the social convention that prevents us all from being dicks. I'd end up opening my laptop or titting about on my phone watching a film at home, I have to put them out of arms reach.

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #35 on: July 07, 2018, 04:10:50 PM »
Part of the reason I like it is because of the social convention that prevents us all from being dicks.

Are you from an alternate dimension?  What has this thread been about from where you're sitting?

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #36 on: July 07, 2018, 04:12:10 PM »
Nah I just don't go to cinemas in retail parks or shopping centres.

icehaven

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #37 on: July 07, 2018, 07:31:56 PM »
Nah I just don't go to cinemas in retail parks or shopping centres.

They have them elsewhere?

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #38 on: July 07, 2018, 08:34:23 PM »
They have them elsewhere?

In Brum, the Electric immediately springs to mind (although admittedly we tended to go to Great Park).

In the early 90's the then owner of The Electric made a short very low budget horror film.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNYvU9DWt6YmAoRgjNIg-QmvqZkqQT5h-

icehaven

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #39 on: July 07, 2018, 10:08:55 PM »
In Brum, the Electric immediately springs to mind (although admittedly we tended to go to Great Park).


Well yeah but it has one screen that shows one film for weeks on end. If you want to see anything bar one film on general release you have to go elsewhere.

Shameless Custard

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #40 on: July 07, 2018, 10:24:58 PM »
Working in care (shifts all over the shop, innit) and having a Limitless card, I only really go to the pictures during a weekday. The audiences aren't bad round here, but they are deathly silent at 11.00 am on a Tuesday morning. It's great

Still see the occasional numpty looking at their phone, mind. 98% of the time, it's teenage girls

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #41 on: July 08, 2018, 12:34:09 PM »
My cinema experiences are rarely in shopping centres or retail parks.  It's not in shopping centre or retail park cinemas that I've been in the company of pensioners watching live broadcasts of MET operas, and needed to employ every gene in my body in the effort of not screaming to shut the fuck up about baps and wine for once in your empty, retired lives.

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #42 on: July 08, 2018, 02:03:12 PM »
To be fair to her, my instinctive reaction to someone's head hitting a post is to laugh, especially if its played straight and serious.

Shameless Custard

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #43 on: July 08, 2018, 04:20:52 PM »
That head bit was quite funny in it's sudden harshness, I must say

But people talking throughout a film? Get ahhht

QDRPHNC

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #44 on: July 09, 2018, 05:37:31 PM »
Worst one ever was There Will Be Blood with a theatre full of old people. Every time somebody wasn't talking on-screen, they just had conversations amongst themselves at full volume until something started happening again. An old man spilled his bag of M&Ms, got up from his seat, and hunted around for them in the dark.

I will occasionally take my son to some big movie like Avengers at a regular movie theatre, otherwise I like to wait until they get to the great second-run theatre nearby. Run by locals, $10 tickets and you get have a cup of tea or a beer with the film. The other week they had a matinee showing of Bloodsport and provided Chinese food while you watched. Great stuff.

St_Eddie

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #45 on: July 09, 2018, 06:00:28 PM »
Worst one ever was There Will Be Blood with a theatre full of old people. Every time somebody wasn't talking on-screen, they just had conversations amongst themselves at full volume until something started happening again...

Yeesh!  That must have been happening a lot, seeming as there's long stretches of There Will Be Blood without any dialogue.

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #46 on: July 09, 2018, 07:51:57 PM »
Worst one ever was There Will Be Blood with a theatre full of old people. Every time somebody wasn't talking on-screen, they just had conversations amongst themselves at full volume until something started happening again. An old man spilled his bag of M&Ms, got up from his seat, and hunted around for them in the dark.
My worst recent experience was going to see Dunkirk on opening day, early in the afternoon.
The cinema was packed with old farts who talked very loudly throughout. I heard the phrase "it wasn't like that" about 20 times from the bunch sitting behind me. Lots of clacking of boiled sweets on dentures too. At least they didn't all have their phones out constantly.

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #47 on: July 09, 2018, 08:04:20 PM »
Yeesh!  That must have been happening a lot, seeming as there's long stretches of There Will Be Blood without any dialogue.

My thoughts. For every 10 minutes.of events ans dialogue there are surely 5 minutes of eery landscapes and sinister music to nothing happening.

Must have been a ballache to listen to constant natter during that.

QDRPHNC

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #48 on: July 09, 2018, 08:53:47 PM »
I think it permanently ruined the movie for me, I was so fucking annoyed, right from the silent opening scene (in a mine, right?), they were just talking, talking, talking. Old pricks.

Z

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #49 on: July 09, 2018, 09:10:18 PM »
At the Prince Charles Cinema a few months ago, one of those one pound members screenings that can attract very apathetic audiences, I saw one guy have a young couple sit one side of him who proceeded to spend most the film giggling and fiddling about with each other, on the other side of him was a guy who kept checking his phone  and straight in front of him sat a tall guy with a huge afro.

Spent the whole film just watching this guy shaking with rage. It's amazing he didn't just move seats.

St_Eddie

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #50 on: July 09, 2018, 09:10:30 PM »
I think it permanently ruined the movie for me, I was so fucking annoyed, right from the silent opening scene (in a mine, right?), they were just talking, talking, talking. Old pricks.

Take comfort in the fact that they'll be dead soon.  I know that I would.

AllisonSays

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #51 on: July 09, 2018, 09:27:57 PM »
A couple of years ago during one of those artist's open house events, I saw a flyer somewhere for a screening of Culloden, the 1964 Peter Watkins film depicting the Battle of Culloden in 1745. It was being shown in someone's house near the train station, for free, and I thought I'd pop in and take a look. In the event it was in a barn-type structure on the side of a house, with about six pews to sit on and the film screened on a backdrop against one of the walls.

I was on my own, there were probably only 20 people there including the hosts. The film started; it's quite a grey and bleak and unromantic film, I think a deliberate rebuttal of any kind of romantic myth of the brave Jacobites, with more emphasis on the stupidity and self-interest of Charles Stuart, and on the poverty and precarity of the Scottish and Irish soldiers. It's also very low-key, not very loud, not very dramatic.

About fifteen minutes in I heard a rustling and mumbling behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see two figures wrapped around each other, kissing. Strange, I thought, but fine, maybe they met on the Scottish Highlands or something. But it wasn't a quick snog and then back to the film - they spent the whole duration of the movie (so 54 more minutes, apparently) passionately entangled, occasionally issuing forth small mewls of appreciation. These were people of a significant age as well, certainly older than 40. So many questions about that one, never answered.

mothman

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #52 on: July 09, 2018, 10:38:44 PM »
Probably MacClaggans. Ye cannae trust a MacClaggan.

SteveDave

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #53 on: July 10, 2018, 10:47:25 AM »
Sometimes the audience liven up a dull film.

When I saw "Never Let Me Go" a woman behind us wouldn't stop talking to her husband. She was shushed a few times and then, finally, someone said "Will you please be quiet!" to which she replied "I'm talking to my husband! I've got a right to talk to my husband!" "Not when we've all paid to watch the film!" Her husband then stood up to defend his wife's honour to which she said "Sit down Mario!" This caused a wave of laughter. Mario sat down.

Later in the same film, the man in front of me crossed his legs and there was a noise like an elastic band snapping. I had problems stifling my laughing eventually disguising it as a coughing fit.

Then later still a man to my left went to the toilet for approx 20 minutes and when he came back asked his partner "What have I missed?" to which she replied "Fuck off".

I can remember all of this with clarity but couldn't tell you what happened at the end of "Never Let Me Go".

But of course the majority of people in cinemas are right cunts who shouldn't be allowed out of doors.

St_Eddie

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #54 on: July 10, 2018, 11:42:38 AM »
When I saw "Never Let Me Go" a woman behind us wouldn't stop talking to her husband. She was shushed a few times and then, finally, someone said "Will you please be quiet!" to which she replied "I'm talking to my husband! I've got a right to talk to my husband!" "Not when we've all paid to watch the film!" Her husband then stood up to defend his wife's honour to which she said "Sit down Mario!" This caused a wave of laughter. Mario sat down.

Later in the same film, the man in front of me crossed his legs and there was a noise like an elastic band snapping. I had problems stifling my laughing eventually disguising it as a coughing fit.

Then later still a man to my left went to the toilet for approx 20 minutes and when he came back asked his partner "What have I missed?" to which she replied "Fuck off".

All of this is pure gold.

Thomas

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #55 on: July 10, 2018, 12:20:30 PM »
It surprises me that people talk and play with their phones at the cinema, as presumably they too have exchanged absurd wealth for access to the darkened picture chamber.

During Skyfall, a boy on the front row gave a running commentary, rather like the girl in Eddie's opening post. On M's death, he gave a cheerful 'bye bye!'. I didn't begrudge him because it was clear he had learning difficulties (and it was my second time seeing the film).

I'm very fussy watching films at home, too. If the director didn't want us to hear each line, they wouldn't have been left in the final edit. Same with silences. They're there on purpose, they're not chat breaks. 'What else was he in?', all that. Phones out, people tapping away, the glow of a scrolling Twitter feed in my peripheral vision. 'I missed that bit, what did she say?' I only trust my girlfriend. I'm wary of watching new films with anyone else. They'll only bloody natter.

Malcy

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #56 on: July 10, 2018, 12:22:34 PM »
All of this is pure gold.

Seconded. Brilliant.

I hate being in a cinema if there's more than 3 or 4 other people in it. That's why I used to go so often. Although the cinema was a but ropey it was always dead.

Saw The Expendables in the usual cinema and got the last seat. Considered walking out but I was off my tits. The scene with Arnie in the church got a massive uproar of laughter but the rest of the time it was just annoying people doing explosion noises and catchphrases. Pain in the arse.

More recently saw Star Trek TMP in an observatory. There were some Glasgow Uni accented wankers sat a few away from me who laughed like Butthead at anything that looked like it was made 40 years ago. Most of the movie. They were annoying a few folk I could tell.

I had the misfortune of passing them on the way to the train station and walking at a swift pace to get the train had to listen to their 'review' as I passed. Total dick heads.

'Oh my god, the walls looked plastic, like, what is that? That's pure random man. Yeah right?

Morons.

Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #57 on: July 10, 2018, 12:27:32 PM »
there was more often than not some sort of fuck up like putting on the wrong films, forgetting to hit play, out of focus picture, bad sound etc.

Which cinema is this?

Malcy

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #58 on: July 10, 2018, 12:28:37 PM »
Which cinema is this?

The Gate Cinema in Midleton Co Cork.

Wet Blanket

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Re: Your Worst Cinema Experiences
« Reply #59 on: July 10, 2018, 12:59:05 PM »

I hate being in a cinema if there's more than 3 or 4 other people in it.

Counter-intuitively, I find ideal cinema conditions is actually a packed house. It's when there's hardly anybody there that punters seem to think, 'fuck it, there's just me and that cunt over there, I can piss about.' In one sold out screening I remember some teenagers near me were being rowdy when a voice from the other end of the auditorium shouted 'shut the fuck up!' and they did. 

I go to the cinema on average about once a week and I would say 90% of the time it's perfectly fine. Last year I was stuck behind a huge group of Polish people watching Logan who conversed throughout the entire film, and at the screening for Hereditary recently the guy behind me shook his popcorn about for the entire 2 hours of the film, and when he wasn't doing that kept loudly clearing his throat like a barking seal. He was massive though so nobody dared tell him to stop.

The two times I've played cinema police was 1) the re-release of Alien, told a group of teenagers to stop loudly and relentlessly making cracks about the film, but they ignored me and in the end I left after watching the chest-burster scene

2) During Sin City, when two women behind me wouldn't stop chatting about their love lives. At one point one of them said of their boyfriend 'sometimes I just wish he'd be quiet', and I was able to whip round, Oscar Wildle like, to say 'could you?' They did, but it wasn't satisfying, even pansy-arsed confrontations like that ruin the night.