Your Worst Cinema Experiences

[checkoutgirl]

The Gate Cinema in Midleton Co Cork.

Oh poo, I was hoping it was in Dublin.

I can't remember many bad cinema experiences at all. A smelly guy at the Batman Vs Superman film. A smelly guy at the Suicide Squad film. Nothing that would set the world alight. Just the odd smelly comic book nerd here and there.

[Custard]

Later in the same film, the man in front of me crossed his legs and there was a noise like an elastic band snapping

One of the greatest things I've read on here

[Malcy]

Oh poo, I was hoping it was in Dublin.

I can't remember many bad cinema experiences at all. A smelly guy at the Batman Vs Superman film. A smelly guy at the Suicide Squad film. Nothing that would set the world alight. Just the odd smelly comic book nerd here and there.

I spent 11 years in Ireland and only ever went through Dublin on a bus to the airport. There were several films over the years ibwanted to see that were only showing in 1 Dublin cinema so did consider it a few time.

Was a nightmare trying to see British films in Ireland.

[fucking ponderous]

My worst recent experience was going to see Dunkirk on opening day, early in the afternoon.
The cinema was packed with old farts who talked very loudly throughout. I heard the phrase "it wasn't like that" about 20 times from the bunch sitting behind me. Lots of clacking of boiled sweets on dentures too. At least they didn't all have their phones out constantly.

To be quite honest I'd see that as a bonus. I'd ask them about Brexit.

[MoonDust]

Watched the Dark Knight Rises (I know I know) and a couple decides to come in with their kids. Fine, it's a 12A rating. Except one kid was an actual toddler still in its buggy, whilst the other two were 3 or 4 max. Predictably the buggy occupant cried a lot, and infuriatingly the other two just ran around the front laughing and screaming with their parents literally doing nothing to stop them.

I know a 12A means anyone under 12 needs to be with an adult, but even then there should surely be a minimum age. 3 toddlers are clearly not the target audience for the Dark Knight Rises (though some may disagree) and so why were they allowed into the screening? The kids were clearly uninterested. It was a case i believe of parents thinking that having young children doesn't alter their social life in any way and that they can just take their kids anywhere, including a packed cinema.

Inconsiderate arses. Get someone to babysit or wait for the DVD.

Not blaming the kids, it's the parents I and a lot of others in that cinema were annoyed at.

[bgmnts]

I feel like once people have children their concept of childless people who don't want to listen to screaming annoying brats forever just instantly goes out the window.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

More recently saw Star Trek TMP in an observatory. There were some Glasgow Uni accented wankers sat a few away from me who laughed like Butthead at anything that looked like it was made 40 years ago. Most of the movie. They were annoying a few folk I could tell.

I had the misfortune of passing them on the way to the train station and walking at a swift pace to get the train had to listen to their 'review' as I passed. Total dick heads.

'Oh my god, the walls looked plastic, like, what is that? That's pure random man. Yeah right?

Morons.

That film was so boring (except those two people getting melted/decomposed in the malfunctioning teleporter) that stuff like that would make attending a screening of it more entertaining for me.

[St_Eddie]

I feel like once people have children their concept of childless people who don't want to listen to screaming annoying brats forever just instantly goes out the window.

Yes, there's an assumption that the rest of the world finds their kids every bit as adorable, angelic and special as they do.

[mothman]

... not really. Well, not personally. I still loathe other children so work on the assumption other people will loathe mine, so try to keep them under control whenever possible.

[kidsick5000]

Has anyone ever witnessed a situation where someone's being a prick in the audience and the cinema staff have dealt with it without anyone needing to tell them? This is what I crave.

No and that's the problem. As cinemas become increasingly staffed by sub-skeletal crews, there's nobody to ask to step in, to act as a cooler to a situation.
I became so insistent about telling people to be quiet or to stop texting during the films, my girlfriend stopped wanting to go to the cinema with me. She was right.  I had to learn to balance my anger.
That said, there's a point at which you can tell that someone is just going to keep talking and they should be told to stop.
The difficulty is to not go at 100mph with your pent up anger. You have to dial it back down.
And if it does get to snapping words, it does leave a stupid amount of tension lingering that equally ruins the film.

That said, the fella texting in front of me at the Blade Runner 2049 premiere did not leave much room for politeness.
Continually tapping - at the premiere screening! These were invite only - I leant forward and asked if he could stop texting. He briefly looked back and said something like "yeah yeah. In a moment".
It's very hard to keep a level of politeness in a cinema.  I leaned in and emphasised "Put. It. Away. Now." He did but him and his Wife looked very butthurt and kept glancing back. But even then, hurrah, the cinema idiot has stood down, but you lose chunks of potential enjoyment of the film waiting for everything to calm down again.

[Icehaven]

That said, the fella texting in front of me at the Blade Runner 2049 premiere did not leave much room for politeness.
Continually tapping - at the premiere screening! These were invite only - I leant forward and asked if he could stop texting. He briefly looked back and said something like "yeah yeah. In a moment".
It's very hard to keep a level of politeness in a cinema.  I leaned in and emphasised "Put. It. Away. Now." He did but him and his Wife looked very butthurt and kept glancing back. But even then, hurrah, the cinema idiot has stood down, but you lose chunks of potential enjoyment of the film waiting for everything to calm down again.

Either whatever he was texting about was important, in which case he should have gone out of the screen, or he was boasting on social media about being there, in which case he should have been thrown out with immense force. Who the fuck are these people? Is there some pot/cocaine variant going around that enhances the cinematic experience while simultaneously making you utterly selfish and arrogant?   

[kidsick5000]

Either whatever he was texting about was important, in which case he should have gone out of the screen, or he was boasting on social media about being there, in which case he should have been thrown out with immense force. Who the fuck are these people? Is there some pot/cocaine variant going around that enhances the cinematic experience while simultaneously making you utterly selfish and arrogant?

One of his responses was a big thumbs up emoji followed by a supersized crazy face emoji, so I took it he wasn't a surgeon urgently explaining a bypass procedure.

[St_Eddie]

... not really. Well, not personally. I still loathe other children so work on the assumption other people will loathe mine, so try to keep them under control whenever possible.

Sorry, I should have been clearer; what I meant was that a certain type of parent has that 'the world loves my kid as much as I do' attitude.  I wasn't implying that all parents have the same attitude.  That would be a daft.

One of his responses was a big thumbs up emoji followed by a supersized crazy face emoji, so I took it he wasn't a surgeon urgently explaining a bypass procedure.

Stupid cunt should have gone to the premiere of the The Emoji Movie instead.

[buttgammon]

Watched the Dark Knight Rises (I know I know) and a couple decides to come in with their kids. Fine, it's a 12A rating. Except one kid was an actual toddler still in its buggy, whilst the other two were 3 or 4 max. Predictably the buggy occupant cried a lot, and infuriatingly the other two just ran around the front laughing and screaming with their parents literally doing nothing to stop them.

I know a 12A means anyone under 12 needs to be with an adult, but even then there should surely be a minimum age. 3 toddlers are clearly not the target audience for the Dark Knight Rises (though some may disagree) and so why were they allowed into the screening? The kids were clearly uninterested. It was a case i believe of parents thinking that having young children doesn't alter their social life in any way and that they can just take their kids anywhere, including a packed cinema.

Inconsiderate arses. Get someone to babysit or wait for the DVD.

Not blaming the kids, it's the parents I and a lot of others in that cinema were annoyed at.

Something very similar happened when I went to see Isle of Dogs a few months ago. Yeah, it's an animated film about dogs but it's also a fucking Wes Anderson film. Your kids will be too young to enjoy or follow it and will just run around annoying everyone else in the cinema; don't bring them.

[St_Eddie]

Something very similar happened when I went to see Isle of Dogs a few months ago. Yeah, it's an animated film about dogs but it's also a fucking Wes Anderson film. Your kids will be too young to enjoy or follow it and will just run around annoying everyone else in the cinema; don't bring them.

Yeah, some people are very narrow-minded like that; "it's animated, so it's automatically made specifically for little kids.  Derp".

[gmoney]

I saw Ang Lee's The Hulk in a cinema with load of 8-10 year olds, and they were losing their minds. I think it was something like an hour until the Hulk appeared and by this point they were up and down the aisles, hopped up on blue drink. 

[Custard]

They would have loved Jackson's King Kong, then!

[QDRPHNC]

I saw Ang Lee's The Hulk in a cinema with load of 8-10 year olds, and they were losing their minds. I think it was something like an hour until the Hulk appeared and by this point they were up and down the aisles, hopped up on blue drink.

This isn't a worst cinema experience, but it reminded me of the time I went to see The Force Awakens. This theatre had a birthday party room, and you can hear a lot of kids in there. So ten minutes before Star Wars kicks off, about 20 adorable, well-behaved 5 year old girls file into their row, followed by - who I assumed to be - the birthday's girl's father, a nerdy, balding chap covered in Star Wars clothing who had clearly organized the entire thing for his own advantage.

[Thomas]

This isn't a worst cinema experience, but it reminded me of the time I went to see The Force Awakens.

So it is a worst cinema experience.

_{I don't know I've only seen the first Star War}

[Sebastian Cobb]

Something very similar happened when I went to see Isle of Dogs a few months ago. Yeah, it's an animated film about dogs but it's also a fucking Wes Anderson film. Your kids will be too young to enjoy or follow it and will just run around annoying everyone else in the cinema; don't bring them.

I always wonder if this is just slightly selfish parenting - see a film you want to see and can technically take the kid to for less money/hassle than arranging a child minder.

I'm pretty sure that's how I wound up seeing Jurassic Park when I was 10.

[St_Eddie]

I always wonder if this is just slightly selfish parenting - see a film you want to see and can technically take the kid to for less money/hassle than arranging a child minder.

I'm pretty sure that's how I wound up seeing Jurassic Park when I was 10.

Yeah but 10 is pretty much the prefect age to watch Jurassic Park at the cinema.  I doubt your average 10 year old will be a nuisance to the other audience members, when they're too busy being delighted by the dinosaur action on screen.  That was certainly the case when I saw the movie as an 11 year old.  Unless there's a huge change in attention spans from the ages of 10 to 11.

[holyzombiejesus]

Not my worst but quite memorable. During my year of going to the cinema at least twice a week, I shushed a man during One Hour Photo. After, he cornered me on the stairs and and shouted at me for 'being rude'. He then said "Anyway, what did you think of the film?", like we were friends. I muttered something like 'not much' and he responded by saying that he was disappointed in Robin Williams' portrayal of the main guy and much preferred him as "a fast-gag funny man". I always remember that phrase when I think of Robin Williams.

[St_Eddie]

Not my worst but quite memorable. During my year of going to the cinema at least twice a week, I shushed a man during One Hour Photo. After, he cornered me on the stairs and and shouted at me for 'being rude'. He then said "Anyway, what did you think of the film?", like we were friends. I muttered something like 'not much' and he responded by saying that he was disappointed in Robin Williams' portrayal of the main guy and much preferred him as "a fast-gag funny man". I always remember that phrase when I think of Robin Williams.

What a bizarre man!  Firstly for the shouting, quickly transitioning into polite conversation and secondly for going to see One Hour Photo and expecting Mork from Ork to be bouncing around the screen.

[mothman]

I wasn't there, but one of my daughter's classmate's 7th or 8th birthday party was going to see the first Percy Jackson film. A frankly bizarre choice. If it was the father who was behind it, then the joke was on him as he ended up sitting in the foyer with my daughter because she got too scared to keep watching.

[Shit Good Nose]

The Exorcist when the BBFC finally lifted the ban and it got a re-release in...99/2000 was it?

Sold out largest screen at Vue Cribbs Causeway.  Halloween night.  90% of the audience in costume.  I did my best Father Merrin attempt.

I'd already owned the American laserdisc for several years at this point, but it was in pan and scan and not a particularly brilliant print, so this was going to be like a first proper viewing for me.

Sadly, the mostly-teen oriented audience found the whole thing either interminably dull (lots of chatting, lots of mobile phone games, lots of walk outs) or laughable (for some reason the spinal tap sequence drew many laughs from various sections of the audience).

Completely ruined the film at that particular time for me, and remains the single worst cinema experience I've ever had.

[St_Eddie]

The Exorcist when the BBFC finally lifted the ban and it got a re-release in...99/2000 was it?

Sold out largest screen at Vue Cribbs Causeway.  Halloween night.  90% of the audience in costume.  I did my best Father Merrin attempt.

I'd already owned the American laserdisc for several years at this point, but it was in pan and scan and not a particularly brilliant print, so this was going to be like a first proper viewing for me.

Sadly, the mostly-teen oriented audience found the whole thing either interminably dull (lots of chatting, lots of mobile phone games, lots of walk outs) or laughable (for some reason the spinal tap sequence drew many laughs from various sections of the audience).

Completely ruined the film at that particular time for me, and remains the single worst cinema experience I've ever had.

My Mum and Dad told me that they had a similar experience when watching the re-issue of The Exorcist.  There was a couple of teens laughing throughout, so my parents left a third of the way through and informed a member of staff, asking them to have a word with the disruptive patrons.  The staff refused to do so.  My parents then insisted upon getting a refund, which, quite rightfully, they did.

[madhair60]

Yeah, some people are very narrow-minded like that; "it's animated, so it's automatically made specifically for little kids.  Derp".

99% of the time that is fair fucks though isn't it.

[Huxleys Babkins]

... not really. Well, not personally. I still loathe other children so work on the assumption other people will loathe mine, so try to keep them under control whenever possible.

Yeah, I spent the whole of The Lego Batman movie shushing my then 4 year old and teaching him to whisper if he had plot questions or needed the toilet. It was his first time at the cinema. He's been good as gold ever since. It's almost like setting an example at an early age makes kids understand how to behave. Funny that. Someone should write a book on it or something.

[SteveDave]

I'm taking a 16 month old to the cinema on Sunday but it's for a friends 50th birthday where they're showing Planet Of The Apes. I'm in no doubt that he'll start screaming as soon as the lights go down so I'll be sat at the back close to the doors to allow an easy escape. Ideally he'd last to the end so I can scream "WHAT?!" really loudly when Charlton finds out the monkeys have stolen the Statue of Liberty.

[Wet Blanket]

If I went to a rare screening of my favourite classic film and saw someone had brought a baby I think I'd cry louder than the kid itself