Faeces that you don't understand

[Cerys]

One day in about 1996, I produced a turd that was a glorious forest green colour.  It took me about a week to work out that the culprit was a packet of blue jelly sweets that I'd eaten.  What faeces have you found mysterious?

[Steven]

Yeah I was about to start this exact thread about half an hour ago, but thought best against it.

What is wrong with the Welsh?

[Cerys]

Wrong?  Or gloriously right?

_{Sheep.  It's always the sheep.  And the rain.}

[Shit Good Nose]

I've written on here a few times about the time I got through a large box of blueberries in about 20 minutes at work and then the shit I had later really had me thinking I had instantly developed some form of horrific cancer, as it looked like I'd just shat out about 3lbs of blood and guts.  It was only later that I remembered all the blueberries...

[gmoney]

If you you loads of red velvet cake you will be similarly alarmed.

[Steven]

[banned member].

[thenoise]

The Beetroot effect is a bit scary the first time you experience it.

[Sherman Krank]

Edit - Guess who's been on the beer and didn't see the other thread?

[Shit Good Nose]

Edit - Guess who's been on the beer and didn't see the other thread?

I bet you someone's done a turd that looks like that, though...

[idunnosomename]

Every day of my life

Cursed by a gypsy, to have an Irish sports commentator emerge from my arse daily

[Z]

I discovered faecal vomiting is a thing that can happen yesterday

[biggytitbo]

I've discussed this on here many times before but I once produced a deposit that consisted of 3 seperate full sized poos in one package. I reiterate, it was not one normal poo that had become dissected into 3 parts, it was 3 full sized poos in one movement. Explain that if you can.


On that note, this shitty trifecta was probably the inspiration for the notorious dream I had where I had three toilets.

[idunnosomename]

pics | didn't happen

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

My explanation is your body had loads of shit in it, even more than usual

[Sebastian Cobb]

I've mentioned this before on here, but when I was a toddler we were on holiday in Cornwall and I was busting for a shit. I told my dad this and given the bogs were miles away he decided the best course of action would be to dig a hole using my child's plastic spade and have me crap into that. Ever the conscious person I asked what if someone should find it so my dad spent the rest of the time at the beach with his leg over my buried turd.

Anyhow that was at least 25 years ago and I still occasionally think about it and giggle at the idea that some other innocent child dug up my shite a few days later.

[steve98]

I've mentioned this before on here, but when I was a toddler we were on holiday in Cornwall and I was busting for a shit. I told my dad this and given the bogs were miles away he decided the best course of action would be to dig a hole using my child's plastic spade and have me crap into that. Ever the conscious person I asked what if someone should find it so my dad spent the rest of the time at the beach with his leg over my buried turd.

Anyhow that was at least 25 years ago and I still occasionally think about it and giggle at the idea that some other innocent child dug up my shite a few days later.

I think that might have been me. I was burying my Dad in sand 25 years ago in Cornwall and accidently shoveled a sandy stool into his face. Newquay was it?

[Sebastian Cobb]

I think that might have been me. I was burying my Dad in sand 25 years ago in Cornwall and accidently shoveled a sandy stool into his face. Newquay was it?

It could well have been! I went go-karting at merlins magic land the next day.

[steve98]

No shit?

[biggytitbo]

My explanation is your body had loads of shit in it, even more than usual

A likely story, nobody can fit 3 poos up their arse mate, I don't care what school you went to.

[Sebastian Cobb]

No shit?

On another cornish holiday a few years later I eat some dodgy cod rowe and done a proper child from the exoricist vomit. A few days later when we all thought I was better I shat myself and my dad had to wipe my bum behind a skip.

[steve98]

Doesn't ring a bell.

[MoonDust]

I discovered faecal vomiting is a thing that can happen yesterday

Please explain. You shit vomit, or you vomit shit?

[Cerys]

Your alimentary canal gets so backed up that you vomit shit.

[MoonDust]

Good grief.

[Brundle-Fly]

When I was about eight or nine I used to hate going for a number two in any other khazi that wasn't the one at home. This phobia came about in my early days at primary school after some older children looked over the cubicle door as I was having a poo and lobbed a load of wet paper towels on my head. Traumatising.

So, when the family were out for the whole day and I needed to go, I'd just hold it in until the late afternoon. I remember walking around in great discomfort at Hastings penny arcades with clenched buttocks like Peter Butterworth in Carry On Doctor (1967). Eventually, the backed up crap would just turn into clay and gradually gravity and an exhausted sphincter would come into play. I would incrementally lay little pellets like an individual Malteser dispenser out the bottom of my trouser leg.  Thank goodness for seventies flares. I'd surreptitiously shake each mini egg out one by one, as if I was a plucky P.O.W. getting rid of tunnel making evidence at Colditz.

In conclusion, I actually don't understand why I didn't just ask my mum to take me into Debenhams and use the restaurant toilets which is far less embarrassing than actually shitting yourself and leaving globules of excrement smeared into the carpet by the Gran Trak 10 machine.