What to do with a retiring parent

[pigamus]

I bought my mum a barrel of mints.

Nice variation on "My father gave me an acre of land"

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

Start buying her Dignitas vouchers for birthdays and xmas.

[Buelligan]

Ah, disregard then!

I can't, it's lying there, between us.  Spoken. 

And his mum, you say. 

Pissed as arse, covered in tattoos and dancing a cracking hornpipe in her little stripy vest. 

How can I ignore that?
We all should really, it's not dignified.

[Gregory Torso]

Crucify her and then fly her like a kite.

[Ferris]

I can't, it's lying there, between us.  Spoken. 

And his mum, you say. 

Pissed as arse, covered in tattoos and dancing a cracking hornpipe in her little stripy vest. 

How can I ignore that?
We all should really, it's not dignified.

It depends how ear-ly in the morning it is. If it's 1.30am getting chucked out of Snobs in Birmingham then fair enough, on a massive one, wahey. All into the cab, I know a 24 hour offy in Halesowen!

If it's 11am at the kitchen counter, waitrose gin in the orange squash, then preference is to ignore it and hope the problem resolves itself one way or another.

The jig and stripey vest are a side issue, for me.

[Z]

Thanks for the suggestions, the will one is probably one I do actually have to get onto!

Figure we'll just leave her on a bit of a break doing fuck all for a while, asides from organising a couple of holidays for her, and only really step in to tackle the issues if there actually are any clear issues next year.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Have you tried actually asking her what she wants to do? Maybe she just wants to potter around in the countryside and generally do fuck all?

[Buelligan]

I don't think there's much point, she's an old woman, past child-bearing and work, what can she possibly do in all honesty?  No, she'll do what she's told and be happy about it.   Just kicking her heels and waiting for someone else to decide what's best, if she knows what's good for her.

[Emma Raducanu]

Old people like cruises don't they? She might even find love on one.

[Z]

Have you tried actually asking her what she wants to do? Maybe she just wants to potter around in the countryside and generally do fuck all?

I've been asking her for years, the response has generally been "I'll be just as well off dead"..

She wanted to never retire (putting it off for years) and it occurred kinda suddenly with some embarrassment involved, kinda concerned her response will just be "hide".
Outside of work she really does tend to just sit in a chair and moan about how no one helps her. Passivity/apathy/dependency to the extreme, she'll say she'd do things if there were people to go with her (which roughly translates as "I'll do something if someone else  makes all the effort, I'll quit the second they stop doing so and blame them").

Seems inevitable that'll be all that will happen but I'd like to at least try and get her involved in some kind of hobbies or social activities before the rot fully sets in.
she does actually stick to things once they start and her support base doesn't go away. I'm not willing to give any more guaranteed consistent support than a  call or two a week, sorting out some bill and technology issues, and a few whatsapp messages, mind.

[The Boston Crab]

Get the old windbag a Game Boy.

[Sherringford Hovis]

I'm not willing to give any more guaranteed consistent support than a  call or two a week, sorting out some bill and technology issues, and a few whatsapp messages, mind.

If you haven't already, sort out both kinds of Lasting Power of Attorney - both the finance one and the health/welfare one. Otherwise whatever shit happens to her will drag you down along with her and be even more stressful and unfixable by you, guaranteed.

[Blinder Data]

If she likes films, most cinemas do a 'silver screening' on Tuesday mornings with tea/biscuits

Choir at church or community art centre

My dad went a bit weird when he retired and he's still a bit weird but he's joined a few local societies (like bowling!) and is making the most of it. Just make sure you call her regularly to check in on her so she doesn't go full mental. I would echo the Facebook things but depending on your mum, she could easily start sharing some dodgy shit so tread with caution

[Icehaven]

My Mum retired (from nursing) at 60 and promptly went straight back to work first as a (paid, although not much) charity badge seller, then a care assistant (only for a year or so as she found them respectively boring and depressing), then happily worked in Safeway/Morrisons making pizzas for about 12 years and only retired about 5 years ago in her mid-70s as she was finally ready to not work anymore. If your Mum's in relative good health and didn't actually want to retire then maybe working, even part-time, is an option? And even aside from the other advantages the money's a useful pension top-up.

Edit: As soon as I hit post on that and put my phone down I thought "Have I just gone on CAB and suggested the best retirement plan could be to keep working? Might as well have added 'and yes I'm a big Tory loving Tory' while I'm at it." I'm really not though, it's just that going back to work really did help my Mum, mainly because she actually wanted to, not felt she had to.

[monkfromhavana]

get her hooked on drugs. She'll have a wail of time honking on her crack pipe

[Emma Raducanu]

My nanna enjoyed a walk to town each morning; a browse of marks and Spencer and an hour in a cafe with all the other regulars. She'd come home and watch endless amounts of television, usually pre 1960s cinema and detective series. Never met a happier person

[Alberon]

Get one of those weird serial-killer lodgers you see all the time on TV. Sure, there will be bodies falling out of airing cupboards or cut up and stuffed down drains, but she will be as happy as Larry with her new friend who is such a 'nice boy'.

[Buelligan]

Right at the end though, you'll see the freezer door open and his head'll be in there in a plastic bag, then it'll switch to her face and she'll give a cheeky wink, put her cuppa to her lips, swing her pink-slippered feet onto the pouffe and lean back to watch Countdown.  Cue credits.

[Golden E. Pump]

Ricin.