Main Menu

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 29, 2024, 06:57:09 AM

Login with username, password and session length

VERSUS 2017: Semi-Finals

Started by poo, June 25, 2018, 11:36:35 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

poo


Dugbo vs. Speculums & Antennae


Mister Brindley vs. Nick Knowles


doppelkorn

Been on the ticketing site since 9am just hammering refresh.

Anyone have any luck?

doppelkorn

I'm thinking of sending my brother to queue at the stadium, but last year he had his frot spoon confiscated by security. They say they're not abandoning long-term fans with this "More kids, less skids" campaign, but moderate anal seepage is the reason most of us get into VERSUS at a young age.

It's a sport played by lions and run by donkeys IMO.

Dex Sawash

Dugbo/Speculums is your real final. The promoters have prolapsed the draw.

The ticketing site went down at 9am on the dot. Lo and behold thousands up on the reseller sites such as Viagogo, Seatwave and LLoydspharmacy. All the major ticketing companies are in on it. I won't pay a penny more than £3.20 for general admission and I implore all VERSUS fans to say "NO THANKS, NO SPANKS" to the touting sites.

There's a competition on Sky Sports VERSUS to win tickets (you get 2 front row seats and access to the VIP cubicle, hosted by VERSUS 1973 runner up and pundit Ericsson Dereksson). Might be worth a shot for the price of a text.

Which of these moves is prohibited in VERSUS?

A) Johnson's Toss
B) John's Son's Toss
C) Johnson Is Toss

TEXT your answer A, B or C and the word GAPE to 2935

Right, bookmark this. Prediction time.

Gold: Brindley
Silver: Dugbo (Sorry, Dugbo)
Bronze: Knowles (Fucking chancer)
Fourth place gapeoff loser: Speculums.

Spec & Ant goes to shit after Dugbo pwns him in the semis, but it's not Dugbo's year, and the pressure becomes too great in the final.

Norton Canes

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on June 25, 2018, 12:13:19 PM
All the major ticketing companies are in on it. I won't pay a penny more than £3.20 for general admission

£2.99 at Poundworld

pancreas

Fuck it. No-one wants it to happen so the odds on Knowles are irresistible. I'm putting £2.99 at Poundland on Knowles.

poo


BlodwynPig

Quote from: poo on June 25, 2018, 01:23:01 PM
Final will be live

game-changer.

Will Neil allow video embedding on the forum for the event or just live text updates?

Mr Eggs


Shoulders?-Stomach!

Looking forward to the inevitable post-match acrimony and fallout.

Ferris


Ferris

Quote from: doppelkorn on June 25, 2018, 11:44:51 AM
Been on the ticketing site since 9am just hammering refresh.

Anyone have any luck?

On StubHub going for 500 quid a pair. Stole a credit card from the Dark Web just to get my hands on them. If I go to prison for this, then so be it. Can practice some of my versus moves in there at the amateur bouts.

GentleJoshing

https://twitter.com/MrNickKnowles/status/1010426539354271744?s=09
Knowlesy getting in his excuses early before Brindley takes him apart. Possibly bringing the game into disrepute?

pancreas

QuoteHistorically we've tried not to criticise refs in our game but game changing errors & inconsistencies incontinences are a problem

Mr Eggs

Quote from: GentleJoshing on June 25, 2018, 11:02:09 PM
https://twitter.com/MrNickKnowles/status/1010426539354271744?s=09
Knowlesy getting in his excuses early before Brindley takes him apart. Possibly bringing the game into disrepute?

Tweeting his arse getting absorbed then spat out into his face is not his job.


Ferris

Quote from: GentleJoshing on June 25, 2018, 11:02:09 PM
https://twitter.com/MrNickKnowles/status/1010426539354271744?s=09
Knowlesy getting in his excuses early before Brindley takes him apart. Possibly bringing the game into disrepute?

Lowering expectations is perfectly reasonable gamesmanship. Don't be naive.

GentleJoshing

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on June 26, 2018, 01:21:11 AM
Lowering expectations is perfectly reasonable gamesmanship. Don't be naive.
You wouldn't see it from your Brindleys, your Specula, your Gloylots. Keep your bitching and moaning for match day, and your social media presence for gape close-ups. COME ON BRINDLEY.

doppelkorn

I'm as asurprised as anyone Knowles has got this far, but all credit to him.

If the rumours are true, and they do ban "Hawaiian" manoeuvres next year (Honolulu cupping, the Dole planter's punch, coconut splitting etc.) then Knowles won't even qualify. Expect to see him collecting a paycheck on the master's circuit in Dubai or somewhere by 2020.

pancreas

Quote from: doppelkorn on June 26, 2018, 10:00:59 AM
I'm as asurprised as anyone Knowles has got this far, but all credit to him.

Fuck that. He's a miserable player. Mincing around the ring trying to dodge and tire his opponents out. He won't just get stuck in. He has literally no idea what it means to session a knob.

vanilla.coffee

The only thing that's going to defeat Knowles is wasping. Let's hope Brindley brings his A game.

Ferris

Of course, as a huge Dugbo fan I look forward to him lifting the trophy. I had him tipped for success from the opening round.

doppelkorn

Quote from: pancreas on June 26, 2018, 11:56:41 AM
Fuck that. He's a miserable player. Mincing around the ring trying to dodge and tire his opponents out. He won't just get stuck in. He has literally no idea what it means to session a knob.

"VERSUS is a sport that's won and lost in the foreplay"
- Seattle Vaughan Weenus

hamfist

Really want that Dugbo-Brindley final. It'd be an instant classic - permanent erection versus twenty fuckholes - unbelievable potential. But can Dugbo even count to twenty ? Is Brindley unable to predict the savage, hamfisted roddings of a simpleton?

Ferris

Quote from: hamfist on June 26, 2018, 11:08:04 PM
Really want that Dugbo-Brindley final. It'd be an instant classic - permanent erection versus twenty fuckholes - unbelievable potential. But can Dugbo even count to twenty ? Is Brindley unable to predict the savage, hamfisted roddings of a simpleton?

I've always said Dugbo is capable, and more.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on June 27, 2018, 01:47:18 AM
I've always said Dugbo is capable, and more.

*searches Ferris' posting history*


Quote from: Walsall Gazette, 23rd March, 2003Dear Sir, Recent hysteria surrounding this young upstart Dugbo (I refuse to use his full title as it is richly underserved) and his recent first round victory over Black Country TedFuck in Versus 1963 goes to show what a fickle lot the people of the West Midlands are. It wasn't so long ago that our very own Walsall Willy was being hailed as the next big thing in the sport and we all know what happened to poor Willy (RIP). I think it would be wise to not follow, sheepishly, the general mindless public mania surrounding such an untalented, lazy and incompetent AND FOREIGN competitor, and stick to focusing on lending your support to such fine local talent such as Brendan the Bastard Yampy and Rackham Noggy. Yours, FerrisWheelBueller

Ferris

Well obviously that looks controversial out of context.

poo

HALF-TIME SCORES


Dugbo 1 - 1 Speculums & Antennae


Mister Brindley 5 - 1 Nick Knowles

Cuellar

Knowles collapsing under the strain. Got nothing left.