What is a tabard?

[The Boston Crab]

Guy just come in the shop asking for one of these. I said I think we've got one in the back, I'll have a look. Eight hours later I'm still pretending to look can anyone help? I heard the guy shouting how long you gonna be and I can wait as long as it takes so I'm fucked. Anyone help now

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Should have paid attention during the WOMAN IN A TABARD section on The Big Breakfast.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Is there a hard ginger cat back there?

[Gregory Torso]

I reckon a "tabard" is one of those joke things that the foreman asks the newfish to go and pick up you know, for workhouse laffs, like a tin of arsehole paint or a scrotum grinder.

[The Boston Crab]

I reckon a "tabard" is one of those joke things that the foreman asks the newfish to go and pick up you know, for workhouse laffs, like a tin of arsehole paint or a scrotum grinder.

Oh for fuck's sake, I've just read this post aloud because I always read aloud and heard the guy giggling round by the till. Feel like I've been pranked. I'm absolutely knackered, no sense of humour about this and going to put the guy in the fuckin morgue. Cheers.

[Glebe]

I've no idea what one of them is, but they are available from Poundworld at £1.49 a pop.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Been down there. Said they didn't know what they were but were coming up on the system at £2.99.

[Mr Eggs]

.

[The Boston Crab]

Turns out a tabard is a kind of corpse sealant wipe, keeps the dead cunts pretty fresh for another few days even in this weather. You ever give your car a turtle wax? Basically like that, leaves a thin film over the decomposing bastards. You can slide them down the old sewers strapped to a remote controlled boat to take em out to the ocean. Tabard keeps the fuckin whopper aerodynamic.