BRIAN JAFFERSON

[Twit 2]

You purchased a football team, doesn't matter it's an insect one. They play for you, you document their lives, their tragedies. When they play no more you sweep them into a shoebox and hurl it to the winds. You go about your business, but DING DONG, he's fucking there, on the doorstep, the lid in hand. You squint...it's...BRIAN JAFFERSON

[Twit 2]

The 5.30 Gruntlewich Express makes mincemeat of the tagger. The tunnel roof drips with blood. On the wall: BRIAN JA -

[Twit 2]

A malnourished child runs screaming from a barn, barbed wire and hair indistinguishable from each other. The eyes are no use through the blood - best to rely on the wheat, the rough kisses on shins. Jump the ditch, flag something down. A tractor rumbles sleepily past, the driver oblivious. Jafferson's Silage Services, business as usual.

[Twit 2]

The vongole was excellent, the massage less so. A fitful sleep, unsteady on feet. Violet in the clouds. Brian Jafferson.

[Twit 2]

Uruguay 4 - Brian Jafferson 1.

[Glebe]

He works in a Poundstretcher near Salford. He's the assistant manager. Slightly overweight. Collects model cars.

[Twit 2]

The findings of the inquest: Brian Jafferson.

[Twit 2]

He observes the trees and the frost, until he is no longer Brian. He is gone. Sic itur ad astra.

[pancreas]

Et tu, Brian Jafferson?

[canadagoose]

He works in a Poundstretcher near Salford. He's the assistant manager. Slightly overweight. Collects model cars.

Sounds like Peter Kay could play him in a new comedy series.

[Glebe]

Sounds like Peter Kay could play him in a new comedy series.

The series, Jafferson's Lot, is available on DVD from Poundworld, priced £2.95. Or No Offer.

[canadagoose]

The series, Jafferson's Lot, is available on DVD from Poundworld, priced £2.95. Or No Offer.

Great, I'll be straight along there in the morning!

Wait, I only have £2.99. What will I do?

[Glebe]

Great, I'll be straight along there in the morning!

Wait, I only have £2.99. What will I do?

They'll give you four pence change, Goose. Four pence change.

[Twit 2]

Brian Jafferson.

[Twit 2]

Que suffirait? L'oreille peu profonde
deborbe vite - et ne penche-t-on
contre la sienne, pleine de tous les sons
la vaste conque de l'oreille du Jafferson?

[Twit 2]

I spoose in a way we're all Brian, except for Brian himself, who, weirdly, is Wendy.

[a duncandisorderly]

he made us a mixtape.
we got ten minutes into it, then wrenched it from the player, pulled some of the tape out, wrapped it round the cassette & lobbed it into oncoming traffic doing seventy up the M6.
life's too fucking short for this crap, brian.

[BlodwynPig]

The haunting call of the whippoorwill in the still evening air. A sun baked patio. A discarded pack of Camel cigarettes. A far off shout. A missing child. Brian Jefferson.

[BlodwynPig]

He doesn't give a fuck if she's gone glamping with her workmates. He wants his supper. Brian Jafferson.

[Hecate]

"Sour onion chops", Brian Jafferson, a dropped dollop of a man, groping hope in a big coat.
Holidaying in Skegness with heavy pockets, fruit machine eyes and a nicotine tipped finger for the ladies.

[BlodwynPig]

Brian Jafferson could be your father, he could be your uncle. Brian Jafferson could be your best mate, he could be your co-worker. Brian Jafferson could be your butcher, he could be your priest. Brian Jafferson is none of these, Brian Jafferson is your sodomiser, tormentor and ultimately killer.