Michael Flatley is... Blackbird

[Blue Jam]

Michael "Lord of the Dance" Flatley has apparently always dreamed of making a film. Now he's made one. A self-financed one. Starring himself. As a spy:

http://www.thejournal.ie/michael-flatley-blackbird-4111752-Jul2018/

Troubled secret agent 'Blackbird' abruptly retires from service and opens a luxurious nightclub in the Caribbean to escape the dark shadows of his past. An old flame arrives and reignites love in his life but she brings danger with her.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8246646/

This sounds more Partridge than Partridge... and I kind of want to see it, but if I pay money to do so I will hate myself for it...

[EOLAN]

Think it popped up in another thread before, but love the names mismatching the images of the actors beneath. Unless there has been some gender-blind casting and Patrick Bergin is really starting to branch out.

In the stills; think I am getting a bit of a Paul Henreid from Casablanca vibe off Michael Flatley (or is it Eric Roberts? going by the poster name).

[Blue Jam]

Michael Flatley plays the character of Victor Brackley, in reality his name is actually Hector Stackley

How many years do you reckon Michael Flatley spent dreaming up his ideal Bond name? Is he a bit like Manny in Black Books when the police detective asks his name and he immediately answers "Carter"?

[Mister Six]

Think it popped up in another thread before, but love the names mismatching the images of the actors beneath. Unless there has been some gender-blind casting and Patrick Bergin is really starting to branch out.

That's common in movie posters. Usually it's so two equally billed stars can both go "first" - one in the names, one in the photos.

That's also why sometimes the name on the left is lower than the one on the right - so the first name someone reads is lower than the second, balancing them out in importance (theoretically).

In this case it's probably that Patrick Bergin outranks random blonde bird, but neither of them are important enough to warrant both name and big picture (and the producers wanted the film to not look too much like a sausagefest.

[Rolf Lundgren]

I totally approve. More millionaires should do mad vanity projects like this.

[Blue Jam]

random blonde bird

Random no more:

https://www.independent.ie/entertainment/movies/movie-news/who-is-the-woman-in-michael-flatleys-blackbird-film-poster-37086757.html

[Blue Jam]

I totally approve. More millionaires should do mad vanity projects like this.

This film sounds like an attempt to find the midpoint between the Toast of London episodes "Vanity Project" and "Bonus Ball".

[Funcrusher]

Flatley also in the writer's chair, which is an enticing prospect.

[Blue Jam]

...and the director's chair. "Written by, directed by and starring..." is never a sign of a cinematic work of art, is it? Certainly not when those words are followed by "Michael Flatley".

I wonder if he'll write the theme toon, sing the theme toon...

[Blue Jam]

There's definitely going to be a bit of Irish dancing shoehorned into this, isn't there? A bit like John Travolta doing The Twist in Pulp Fiction, or B*witched crowbarring a bit of traditional Oirish music into every one of their songs.

Flatley have a dance-off-to-the-death with the big villain, which will cause Random Blonde Bird to fall madly in lust with him. Or the big villain will try and shoot at his feet, but those feet will just be too darn fast for him...

[Blumf]

There's definitely going to be a bit of Irish dancing shoehorned into this, isn't there?

"The bomb is down this very narrow passage, so you'll have to keep your arms right by your side, but you'll need some fancy footwork to avoid setting off the pressure sensors."

[Crabwalk]

^ ha ha ha!

I am going to watch this at the earliest opportunity. Zero chance it's not going to be magnificent.

[Blue Jam]

"Pay attention, Flatley":

"The bomb is down this very narrow passage, so you'll have to keep your arms right by your side, but you'll need some fancy footwork to avoid setting off the pressure sensors."

Our hero has been captured and is bound and gagged, his arms tied firmly by his sides. He needs to get an SOS out ASAP, but the laser beam is seconds away from going up his Jaffas. His feet are free, but surely no man can tap out Morse code that fast...?

[Small Man Big Horse]

This bit of imdb trivia made me laugh:

[Deyv]

That is very brilliant, thanks for that!

[BlodwynPig]

[QDRPHNC]

First Trump now this.

[BlodwynPig]

First Trump now this.

on the Go bus from Toronto, the Filipino driver had verbal diarrhoea and was extolling the virtues of a damp, mild climate..."like in Ireland...such green green grass over there, I guess that's why they call it the....erm....turquoise...erm...lovely.....erm..."

"Emerald Isle" I bellowed but he ignored me and started to talk to a Jamaican woman about his friend from Antigua - "I bet you eat the same food?"

[DJ Bob Hoskins]

Few people love Michael Flatley as much as Michael Flatley does, and in that respect this is sure to be a hit with his key demographic.

BLACKBIRD
Winner of 10 Flatleys™, including Best Flatley™

[QDRPHNC]

on the Go bus from Toronto, the Filipino driver had verbal diarrhoea and was extolling the virtues of a damp, mild climate..."like in Ireland...such green green grass over there, I guess that's why they call it the....erm....turquoise...erm...lovely.....erm..."

"Emerald Isle" I bellowed but he ignored me and started to talk to a Jamaican woman about his friend from Antigua - "I bet you eat the same food?"

Hah. Fuck, I agree with him about the climate though. I miss the cool damp.

[Glebe]

Partridge must be going mad. He can't even get a pilot episode for Swallow.

[Shaky]

"The bomb is down this very narrow passage, so you'll have to keep your arms right by your side, but you'll need some fancy footwork to avoid setting off the pressure sensors."

Big laughs at that. I bet Flatley will be a bit of a cunt to fans and have absolutely no dancing in this film of his, though. He wants to be taken seriously as a movie star/writer/director/dolly grip now.

[biggytitbo]

He wrote the script? That would explain why he gets noshed off an incredible 70 times in the films short 84m run time.

[Blue Jam]

According to Flatley on Twitter there was a private screening in London on Thursday, so presumably the finished product is ready, a release date is imminent and the reviews will be out soon.

Anyone fancy a CaB meet/watchalong?

[Blue Jam]

"An old flame arrives and reignites love in his life but she brings danger with her"- that blurb is very clunkily written, isn't it? Almost as if Flatley wrote it himself...

When he was casting the Old Flame, did he tell his assistant "Call the agency and ask them for a 40-year-old scorcher- and do use that word"?

[Phoenix Lazarus]

I was thinking 'blackbird' was rhyming slang for 'dead,' for a moment.  I mixed it up with 'brown bread.'

[Blue Jam]

^^^ perhaps Flatley will be DEAD SOON and is working through his bucket list...

I imagine this will be on at The Cameo in Edinburgh, a cinema which is just down the road from a bar called... The Blackbird. My plans just made themselves.

[Default to the negative]

Our hero has been captured and is bound and gagged, his arms tied firmly by his sides. He needs to get an SOS out ASAP, but the laser beam is seconds away from going up his Jaffas. His feet are free, but surely no man can tap out Morse code that fast...?

'Do you expect me to talk?'

'No-ho Mr. Flatley, I expect you to dance!'

[Blue Jam]

"You will dance to my tune, motherfucker!"

Ed Sheeran is totally doing the theme for this, isn't he?
He's a right-wing cunt, he has no shame, and Flatley can afford him.

[spamwangler]

I was thinking 'blackbird' was rhyming slang for 'dead,' for a moment.  I mixed it up with 'brown bread.'

Is blackbird rhyming slang for turd?


Black turd?


Is he trying to say this is one last fling before bowel cancer consumes him?


I'm as stoked for this as I am for that goldblum alverson thing. What a time to be alive