Oh fuck. Oh christ.

[Fry]

Oh christ guys I'm sorry, I've only gone and spunked up the cat. Fuck, sorry guys. Jesus, mea culpa and all that. I feel like a right pillock.

[Ferris]

Ok first step - admit nothing. You have a right to have a lawyer present, and I'm very affordable.

We'll take the Nixon route here - claim the charges are entirely fabricated, accuse everyone of slander, then launch a shadow-campaign insisting that everyone does it anyway so it's fine.

I'll get you out of this. Just keep your mouth shut when the Old Bill come knocking.

[Fry]

Fuck I'm freaking out. It's acting all skittish now and there's spunk leaking out of it and the vicars coming round for tea. Fuck what do I do? I dunno if I can keep my mouth shut, I dunno if I'm able to. Are you sure it wouldn't just be easier to own up to it? It's one of my first offences, I'll be alright wouldn't I? I'm a nice guy.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck oh christ.

[pancreas]

Just keep going. Eventually it will be absorbed.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Oh christ guys I'm sorry, I've only gone and spunked up the cat. Fuck, sorry guys. Jesus, meowa culpa and all that. I feel like a right pillock.

[Fry]

Oh fuck I got too panicky and did it again to calm myself down, I've made it worse

[pancreas]

Oh fuck I got too panicky and did it again to calm myself down, I've made it worse

Is the cat still viable?

[Ferris]

Oh fuck I got too panicky and did it again to calm myself down, I've made it worse

DO YOU WANT TO GO TO JAIL? DO YOU?!

Fucks sake, keep it together. Tell the vicar you can't do tea today because you are feeling unwell. Shit actually that's more suspicious.

Ok, just... put the cat in an upstairs room and close the door. Then clean the front room. After the vicar is gone, bleach it down.

Let me know when done and I'll provide further instructions.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Are you sure it was a cat - it might have been something very similar, like a shelf.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Reminds me of the time I let it go up the back of Jeremy, my black Burmese. Within the hour, the house was absolutely teeming with French skunks, aggressively pursuing Jeremy to try to mate with him.

I had to get two men in to shampoo the carpets and the less said about my curtains the better.

[popcorn]

Stop the leak with a buttplug until the vicar's gone.

If you're already using your buttplug elsewhere, try stuffing the cat's tail up its arse, and tell the vicar you're taking it to the vet first thing tomorrow.

[Bhazor]

Noo, put a straw up there and suck it out. Poke it back up your cock with a q tip. Police have ways of tracking the path of sperms.

[popcorn]

Noo, put a straw up there and suck it out. Poke it back up your cock with a q tip. Police have ways of tracking the path of sperms.

Exactly. Their forensic analysis will discover a trail of spunky footprints leading from Fry's cock, into his cat's anus, back out of his cat's anus, and finally back into his cock. Do you think that's going to persuade the jury?

[Ferris]

I'm going to assume this ended badly.

Listen - if anyone asks, I was down the shops when this happened. I don't know you, we've never met, I definitely didn't give any advice. If you mention my name to the rozzers, I'll send some heavies round your gaff. Know what I mean?