My 8 year old daughter learns her first swear word

[machotrouts]

you've not lived unless you've sat in a house while a toddler [plane flies overhead, momentarily obscuring sound] fucks for about forty minutes without a break

NONCE

[Pijlstaart]

Brother was a legendary tattler, I remember saying "crap" when I failed to pogostick through a rock garden, I tumbled onto the rocks, unwell. Grandparents were in the lounge, unaware of the travesty, and brother sprinted in screaming "He swore!!" and pointing at my broken body lying heaped in the rocks. No-one helped me and they thought less of me. His action was wrong, not mine, and when he is put in a similar predicament by his love of gin or his overbearing trailer-park owning hick fiancee, I'll return the favour.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Just "cunt" to go now and she'd have the worst two sewn up.

What about valve

[QDRPHNC]

Had a birthday party for the 5 year old Q Jr.

Mother comes to the door to drop off her 5 year old.

"I've been farting all day," he declares as he steps across the threshold. "I'm going to fart in here too."

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

Had a birthday party for the 5 year old Q Jr.

Mother comes to the door to drop off her 5 year old.

"I've been farting all day," he declares he steps across the threshold. "I'm going to fart in here too."

Future General of the Bullingdon Club.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Brother was a legendary tattler, I remember saying "crap" when I failed to pogostick through a rock garden, I tumbled onto the rocks, unwell. Grandparents were in the lounge, unaware of the travesty, and brother sprinted in screaming "He swore!!" and pointing at my broken body lying heaped in the rocks. No-one helped me and they thought less of me. His action was wrong, not mine, and when he is put in a similar predicament by his love of gin or his overbearing trailer-park owning hick fiancee, I'll return the favour.

Some massive grass in primary school who was working outside in the corridor on the school's single Acorn Archimedes (they only had BBC micro's in the classrooms) stood in the doorway and announced in baritone voice to the silent classrooom 'Mrs Holmes, Jonathan called me a twonk!'.

I think he was still getting reminded of that in secondary.

[Brian Freeze]

It can't be long for us. I've been wound up enough for a couple of Bloody Hells and I was being quizzed recently by the five year old about why we have two letters in the alphabet which often make the same sound.

"Oh yeah? Not sure about that,  can you give me an example? "

"Those two,  c and k,  like on your t-shirt just there"

I do love that PWEI shirt. Will have to put it into mothballs for a few years.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I do love that PWEI shirt. Will have to put it into mothballs for a few years.

My PWEI shirt has been mothballed because it was a present from my mate Bob, he lied and said he was going for a smoke and got it from the merch stand. He died when he was 30 :(

I took it out of retirement recently for a Ned's Atomic Dustbin/Wonder Stuff gig. Ned's Were shit and I couldn't be fucked with the Wonder Stuff.

[mothman]

My 13yo swears all the time, usually at her sister, so 8yo is just repeating what's been said to her: "Dad, she told me to fuck off!" We've had a word, many times.

[also, Horrid fucking Henry is the WORST. Ghastly programme. Youngest watches it on Netflix and parrots all the dialogue. We're fed up with it. I've learnt how to block individual shows on the platform so soon it'll be "sorry sweetheart, looks like Netflix have stopped showing it!" Back in the pre-streaming days, eldest also watched it on cITV and it drove us mad; we blocked the whole channel]

[Twed]

I hope you've got Peppa Pig blocked too. "Daddy you're doing it WRONG!". Doing what wrong? Raising a daughter destined for the bacon slicer?

[Brian Freeze]

My PWEI shirt has been mothballed because it was a present from my mate Bob, he lied and said he was going for a smoke and got it from the merch stand. He died when he was 30 :(

Shite about the early passing. Sounds like a proper decent mate.

I cut the neck out of mine,  there may have been a phase of that sort of thing doing the rounds and I've since used it for decorating in but still love it to bits. I do kind of wish I hadn't mutilated it but it certainly looks lived in.

[Hecate]

Remind me never to make friends with you.

[mothman]

I hope you've got Peppa Pig blocked too. "Daddy you're doing it WRONG!". Doing what wrong? Raising a daughter destined for the bacon slicer?

She'd mercifully grown out of Peppa by the time we got Netflix so reexposure was minimal. But I might make it vanish all the same, just in case. She regresses occasionally. And having an autistic spectrum condition she's always lagged behind in her viewing habits. As recently as this year she was still watching Justin's House.

[greencalx]

On the evidence of this thread, you're a way better parent than me. I would love it if Child sat down to watch a TV programme with an actual narrative to it. He gorges on gamer videos on YouTube. Over-excited Americans playing Luigi's Dark Mario Mansion Adventure 2 in endless variations. Zack Scott seems ok, but that FGTeeV guy really grinds my gears.

[Shit Good Nose]

[also, Horrid fucking Henry is the WORST. Ghastly programme. Youngest watches it on Netflix and parrots all the dialogue. We're fed up with it. I've learnt how to block individual shows on the platform so soon it'll be "sorry sweetheart, looks like Netflix have stopped showing it!" Back in the pre-streaming days, eldest also watched it on cITV and it drove us mad; we blocked the whole channel]

Same.  We've stopped and prevented little Nose from watching it many many times cos we've directly correlated her bastardly behaviour after a few episodes of Horrid Henry.  We still catch her watching it when it's on CITV, though, to which the response is "but I didn't choose it, it's just on!".  Fortunately MOST of the stuff she watches and her favourite shows on Netflix are filled with strong moral messages - Spirit, Trolls, Mia and Me, Barbie, Little Roy and the like.

As recently as this year she was still watching Justin's House.

Little Nose stopped watching that about a year ago, but Mrs Nose still enjoys it for Robert.  He always makes her laugh.

[Clownbaby]

As much as I know this isn't a good thing I suspect if I have kids in the future I would be the type of mam to go "come here you little cunt" "stopped being a little shit" "get the fuck over here"

I'll try my best not to be

[mothman]

We've had to resort to bribery to get our youngest to let us brush her hair (it's a complete fucking birds-nest), so I suspect the Good Parenting ship has sailed.

[Sebastian Cobb]

A sort-of reverse of this happened the other day when our 17 year old dev was practically crying with laughter after he described someone quite large to a colleague who replied 'oh aye, he' s a unit!'. He'd not apparently heard that one before.

[greencalx]

We've had to resort to bribery to get our youngest to let us brush her hair (it's a complete fucking birds-nest), so I suspect the Good Parenting ship has sailed.

Bribery is my entire parenting technique. Why else has he got three Build-a-Bears?

(Minor victory this morning, though. I said "We need to leave for the supermarket in five minutes", and he calmly stopped the video he was watching, popped his shoes on and left the house without complaining.)

[Shit Good Nose]

(Minor victory this morning, though. I said "We need to leave for the supermarket in five minutes", and he calmly stopped the video he was watching, popped his shoes on and left the house without complaining.)

Luck.  Never happen again.  Well, not until he's about 24 anyway.

[gib]

my child is better than yours because she knowingly pronounced shetland pony as shitland pony, all your efforts at raising future cab members amount to nothing

[Shit Good Nose]

Has anyone had a "Grand Pricks" yet?

[mothman]

Now, this is a nonjudgmental safe space, Nose, so what you do after the kids have gone to bed is your business alone.

[Epic Bisto]

Little Bisto once said "oh for fucking sake" when she was trying to her shoes on, but after being told that what she said was rude, I haven't heard her saying as bad since. It was a little reminder for me to keep the foul verbals to meself or at least out of earshot. My daughter's a good egg because she's not the sort who mimics bad behaviour from other kids, unlike when daddy Bisto was her age (eg. coming home from school one day to excitedly tell mum and stepdad about the new game his friends had created at lunchtime - Queer Cunt On The Lawn - and wonder why he was sent to his room for using those words).

At least I'm nowhere near as bad as Pig Lady and her band of horrid friends, who always commander a part of the park next to the school, smoke tons of roll ups, litter everywhere and shout "COME 'ERE YOU LITTLE CUNT!" at their toddlers.

[José]

coming home from school one day to excitedly tell mum and stepdad about the new game his friends had created at lunchtime - Queer Cunt On The Lawn

so... what were the rules?

[Epic Bisto]

I honestly can't remember.

[QDRPHNC]

Queer Cunt On The Lawn

Boney M. consider rewrite.

[Thomas]

I heard our neighbours' kids trading newly learned swear words the other day, out in the sunshine. Whispering gleefully to each other, 'You're a real piece of shit. You're a real piece of shit.'

[im barry bethel]

At least I'm nowhere near as bad as Pig Lady and her band of horrid friends, who always commander a part of the park next to the school, smoke tons of roll ups, litter everywhere and shout "COME 'ERE YOU LITTLE CUNT!" at their toddlers.

Used to have a neighbour who couldn't string 3 words together without a fuck or shit thrown in. You'd hear her calling the brood in for dinner with "Don't ignore me you little shit I've fucking told you your fucking tea is getting cold", the worst was when one of them fell off a garden wall, tears gaspy breaths the lot and all the sympathy and concern he got was "it's your own fucking fault for being so stupid now shut up you're fucking embarrassing me". When she was moving 3 different neighbours offered to move our cars to fit the van in and offered to help load it too