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I saw a dracala in Poundland today.

Started by Glebe, July 13, 2018, 09:28:18 PM

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Glebe

I'd just seen a frankenstein in Aldi and all. What a day!

chveik

I one time killed a Frankenstein whilst shopping in a store
He lurched towards me, arms outstretched, as I ambled towards the door
In my hands a new bandanna, a hat ten gallons deep
In my body was a soul which my body aimed to keep
His voice was ghastly as he spoke in halting monster speech
And I tried with all my might to stay out of his reach
He said, "you gotta pay for that," and filled my heart with dread
And then I drew my six gun and shot the monster dead
The news reports described the monster simply as a man
To keep from terrifying folks as only a Frankenstein can

Dalton Wilcox, You Must Buy Your Wife at Least as Much Jewelry as You Buy Your Horse and Other Poems and Observations, Humorous and Otherwise, from a Life on the Range

hamfist

a draclia in superdrug buyin' tampax and toothpaste

New Jack

Oh that's quite enjoyable, everyone enjoys draculas. My Poundland (not literally, I mean the one I frequent) has a cut out of a short officer of the law in the window.

Seems to work too, I've yet to see ISIS blow the absolute shit out of my Poundland when it's packed, scattering charred limbs and assorted cheap charred goods in all directions.

I don't generally enjoy cardboard cutouts of short officers of the law but this one is doing a robust job


Shoulders?-Stomach!


biggytitbo

There's a wolfman in our local poundstretchers. Works on the tills.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: biggytitbo on July 14, 2018, 10:55:29 AM
There's a wolfman in our local poundstretchers. Works on the tills.

Mark down for a bum

Ferris

Quote from: biggytitbo on July 14, 2018, 10:55:29 AM
There's a wolfman in our local poundstretchers. Works on the tills.

There's a security guard at my local dollarama who happens to be a drackula. Not that it matters of course. Good for him, I say.

biggytitbo

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on July 14, 2018, 02:17:38 PM
There's a security guard at my local dollarama who happens to be a drackula. Not that it matters of course. Good for him, I say.


I went to check myself, but on reflection I couldn't see him.

Ferris

Quote from: biggytitbo on July 14, 2018, 02:21:12 PM

I went to check myself, but on reflection I couldn't see him.

Jesus Christ biggy, do you think he hasn't heard that one before? Jokes like that are the kind of micro aggressions he has to put up with every day of his life death. I bet you don't want him working in your poundstretcher, yeah?

Disgusting. Have a word.

Glebe

Quote from: chveik on July 13, 2018, 09:36:37 PMI one time killed a Frankenstein whilst shopping in a store...

Karma indeed! In fact, Karma all round, some excellent fictional(?) monster sightings being reported here today!

Quote from: biggytitbo on July 14, 2018, 10:55:29 AMThere's a wolfman in our local poundstretchers. Works on the tills.

I thought I passed one of them in Waitrose last week, but it was only a man with a dog's head.

Gregory Torso

There used to be a centaur who worked in Threshers on the highstreet. He was great, gave good discounts on import extra strength Dutch lagers. Of course one day, I make a stupid remark about sugar lumps and bam: banned from Threshers.


doppelkorn

When I was a kid all the newsagents was ran by skellingtons. You don't see that much anymore, do you?

hamfist

Quote from: doppelkorn on July 15, 2018, 08:48:42 AM
When I was a kid all the newsagents was ran by skellingtons. You don't see that much anymore, do you?

look mate no need to get racist

Ferris

[tag]There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's elvish[/tag]

Shit Good Nose

Nosferatu working in one of the last remaining Poundworlds.  Far from terrifying, it's acutely depressing.  Desolation right there, mate.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on July 15, 2018, 03:10:25 PM
Nosferatu working in one of the last remaining Poundworlds.  Far from terrifying, it's acutely depressing.  Desolation right there, mate.

It's the shareholders who are the real vampires!

Glebe

Co-Op. 3:16PM. Wednesday last. Was perusing the veg when a monster from the black lagoon walked in.

Hobo With A Shit Pun

Quote from: New Jack on July 14, 2018, 07:18:09 AM


I don't generally enjoy cardboard cutouts of short officers of the law but this one is doing a robust job

Are you absolutely sure it's not a cardboard cut out of a  short, deceased light entertainment prankster, such as Jeremy Beadle, only dressed up as a short officer of the law for jape-related purposes?

You can often tell by the beard.

wosl


There's a couple of witches working in my local Zizzi. Wouldn't be a problem except that my pizza was covered in frogs legs and newts eyes. And to make matters worse it had clearly been boiled in a cauldron rather than baked in a stone oven. Avoid.

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on July 15, 2018, 03:15:29 PM
It's the shareholders who are the real vampires!

Poor old Nos, though.  He looked well forlorn before they announced the store closures.  Fella has no luck at all - spends thousands on high factor sun cream, constantly has people trying to kill him, has to sleep in a coffin, loses all of his girlfriends, and now he has to work the till, tidy up the cheap aftershave shelf AND mop up all the shit and vomit from the scumbags that go in there to buy their Rizzlas.

Glebe

Was in Tesco earlier examining some Lurpak, when a cold, creeping hand reached through the shelf behind me and touched me upon my shoulder. My eyes turned slowly, not wanting to see the monstrous appendage but somehow drawn towards it, and as they alighted on the grabbing, claw-like fingers, they suddenly bulged wide and I let out a terrified, piercing shriek as dramatic horror music blasted over the tannoy.

willpurry

Quote from: Glebe on July 16, 2018, 03:59:49 PM
Was in Tesco earlier examining some Lurpak, when a cold, creeping hand reached through the shelf behind me and touched me upon my shoulder. My eyes turned slowly, not wanting to see the monstrous appendage but somehow drawn towards it, and as they alighted on the grabbing, claw-like fingers, they suddenly bulged wide and I let out a terrified, piercing shriek as dramatic horror music blasted over the tannoy.

The scariest word there is 'Lurpak'.  Yuck.

Bazooka

A couple of years back I pulled my car over to set my satnav and saw a BT repair man wanking off a gargoyle in a lay by.

Glebe

I did see a manster in a shop i kilt it with a stick the end.