Could you ever conceive of competing in a dog show?

[pancreas]

Well?

My aunt was in one and says she won the Owner and Pet Who Look Most Alike challenge. Big mistake on her part: when we told us, we called her a fucking bitch for the rest of the evening. Said: 'You like a dog, you fucking bitch.' Then we made her pull a wheelbarrow and shouted 'mush' at her and fed her lumps of our shit out of a bowl. We also made her sniff our genitals, calling her a dirty bitch.

All fun and games. But I don't want this to happen to me. In fact, I vehemently don't want this to happen to me. I don't want to get to 50 and be entering dog shows. But maybe you get older and you have too much time on your hands plus a dog and you're like: what the hell? I'll enter a dog show with my dog and then my family will say I look like a fucking bitch.

I don't even want to ever enter a jam competition. Someone gave me some jam the other day.

[Pijlstaart]

Shan't carry a dog on me, I don't want one. It's too much responsibility, and I would be jealous, they enjoy privileges I could only dream of. Don't have to wear socks, the lucky bastards. My socks are either hard and stale and jagged, or wet and living, and neither appeal. Think I'd do a dog show if I could make do without a dog, maybe a perky little footstool would be good, much cheaper, much cuter, and it'll never fight back.

[Fry]

Well a dog is the closest thing we have to a Pokémon and a dog show is the closest thing we have to a Pokémon battle (without it being incredibly upsetting) so, uh, yeah you dingbat I can.

[biggytitbo]

My coat just isnt shiny enough, nor is my nose wet. Plus I wouldnt be able to stop myself sniffing the other dogs arses.

[Brian Freeze]

Me and my dog won best legs in show at Padfield Plum Fair,  so the answer is yes.

Padfield is next to Royston Vasey,  if that helps.

[Paul Calf]

I don't even want to ever enter a jam competition.

There's a Tortuous English Grammatical Constructions competition this weekend but I don't certainly expect for you to be interested at all in entering it ever.

[black_betty]

The last one got ugly and ended in a preposition.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Nah, I'm not able to name enough nuts.

[Replies From View]

Are humans allowed to compete in dog shows now?

[pancreas]

Are humans allowed to compete in dog shows now?

It's a human-dog partnership, isn't it? You have to trot round a ring with your dog. I hear they judge you as harshly as they judge the dog. 'The dog's okay, but the human looks like a number 4 on the Bristol Stool Chart.' for example.

[bgmnts]

I have been working on a lifelike robot dog for Crufts.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I have been working on a lifelike robot dog for Crufts.

Apparently in crufts you're not allowed neutered dogs, but they're considered easier to train so it's not unheard of people trying to cheat by entering dogs with prosthetic nadgers.