Do you stack the dirty dishes when eating out?

[holyzombiejesus]

I do, especially with curries. Perhaps only with curries, come to think of it. I think this is probably gauche and some of my friends moan when I do it but I will not pander to them and I will continue to stack. I used to do it to be helpful to waiters but as my 'OCD' has got worse, I do it because I feel compelled to do so. I still partly do it to be helpful though. Sometimes etiquette clashes with manners, or at least what I perceive as manners. I'm waffling and my manager keeps walking past so I'm just going to press post.

[sevendaughters]

yeah, scrape leftovers onto one plate, try and generally do as much as i can apart from cook and wash-up, eating out only happened quite late in my life as we were shitpoor and i think it's good manners and only comes undone if they have some different system and you fuck it up, but even so the intent is nice. i think?

[Danger Man]

No

[Neville Chamberlain]

Yes.

[Blue Jam]

No. Having waited tables I know how this just makes a mess and how it's a pain in the arse for staff when a "helpful" customer hands them a stack of plates which all have food (and sometimes cutlery and napkins) in between them and then have to be prised apart and scraped. Ever noticed how waiters often don't stack plates but will carry one in each hand and balance a third on their arm? That's why.

Best to just let the staff do it.

[Kane Jones]

No. I also don't make the bed when I stay in hotels.

[paruses]

Also no for the same reasons as Blue Jam.

Same with making the bed in a hotel when I am out for the day since although it seems like good manners it causes the housekeeper extra hassle having to unmake the bed then remake it.

[Edit - my reply is much fuller than Kane's; please appreciate it more]

[imitationleather]

No, I never do this. Missus does. It irks me slightly. Although once her horrendous (in my view) faux pas meant we got out of paying for one of our meals, as they saw two stacked plates, assumed it was just one plate, and only charged us for one main. Like only one of us had been eating, even though the waiter had clearly brought us over two mains like twenty minutes beforehand and they somehow hadn't kept track of this. Poor staff control of the situation I guess. So we got to unintentionally steal food from a restaurant. Didn't look closely at the bill when paying, you see. Walked past it a week later. Boarded up. Shut down. Felt awful for months. Really bleak.

Missus still stacks plates, though. I just always think of that restaurant we put out of business.

[Neville Chamberlain]

I'm not sure why I got into the habit of stacking plates and generally having a bit of a tidy-up after I've eaten.

I shall refrain from doing so now :-(

Making the bed in a hotel room, though, that's just insane.

[Blue Jam]

Stacking plates is also bad manners. Why not just put your knife and fork down together and at an angle once you're done? Not only is that good manners, it also tells the staff that you've finished your meal, and in a way that looks better than "Oi, stack of dirty plates here, come and do your job and clear them up".

[Norton Canes]

Yes. Instead of leaving a tip. 

[Blue Jam]

especially with curries.

Curries are the absolute worst for this. If the diner hasn't left enough curry for it to ooze out of the sides of the stack and all over the waiter's hands, it will still end up on both sides of the plate rather than just one, doubling the scraping and rinsing time before it goes in the dishwasher.

[sevendaughters]

Stacking plates is also bad manners. Why not just put your knife and fork down together and at an angle once you're done? Not only is that good manners, it also tells the staff that you've finished your meal, and in a way that looks better than "Oi, stack of dirty plates here, come and do your job and clear them up".

i rather think you're overstating the difference between these two signals to the waiting staff.

[New Jack]

Yes, I used to be a barman as a stoodunt and occasionally had to clear up plates and cutlery and now I'm a grown up I try to help by doing little things like this. I also take my empty pints over to the bar

Stacking plates is also bad manners. Why not just put your knife and fork down together and at an angle once you're done? Not only is that good manners, it also tells the staff that you've finished your meal, and in a way that looks better than "Oi, stack of dirty plates here, come and do your job and clear them up".

Assuming this is a joke - when you've done the job and still know people doing the job, you know they're grateful.

[checkoutgirl]

I do, especially with curries. Perhaps only with curries, come to think of it. I think this is probably gauche and some of my friends moan when I do it but I will not pander to them and I will continue to stack. I used to do it to be helpful to waiters but as my 'OCD' has got worse, I do it because I feel compelled to do so. I still partly do it to be helpful though. Sometimes etiquette clashes with manners, or at least what I perceive as manners. I'm waffling and my manager keeps walking past so I'm just going to press post.

I have done it but don't usually. Most times I eat out it's not with a big bunch of people with plates all over the shop so there's no need.

[Vodka Margarine]

Yes, if the meals have been 'dry' and the situation is such that the bottoms of the plates/boards/wacky objects won't get needlessly soiled by excess sauce or gravy. I wonder how often customers get into trouble for doing this, like in that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry is thrown out of the clothes shop for trying to re-fold the sweatshirts.

[Blue Jam]

Well, it can look impatient, and at best a stack of dirty plates looks like someone is saying "Look, I've done your job for you, aren't I nice?" while you're thinking "Oh FFS, not another one" and having to hide it and just say thank you:

https://thetakeout.com/ask-the-salty-waitress-why-do-customers-insist-on-stac-1822118508

It is ill-mannered when there is already a universally recognised polite way of letting a waiter know you have finished your meal.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Really depends if there's much room for the waiting staff. If it's a longish table and one end is exposed then maybe.

[New Jack]

Well, it can look impatient, and at best a stack of dirty plates looks like someone is saying "Look, I've done your job for you, aren't I nice?" while you're thinking "Oh FFS, not another one" and having to hide it and just say thank you:

https://thetakeout.com/ask-the-salty-waitress-why-do-customers-insist-on-stac-1822118508

It is ill-mannered when there is already a universally recognised polite way of letting a waiter know you have finished your meal.

Ask the salty American waitress, different culture

Sorry mate, but it's something I came to do from my own years of experience and continued evidence (I mean,have you even had conversations IRL about it like I have? I am a weirdo for the record!) just because of "manners" - it's rude to not help in my book.

Worst case scenario it's seen as misguided or unnecessary. I've never had that though.

I think the manners you describe are out of date sadly. It's not the case that if not for the plate-stackers, everyone else would be doing things properly. Most places are left a state.

vv cheers for the pint glass agreement! Small victories...

[Blue Jam]

It looks like my years of experience and conversations with fellow waiters just differ from yours, then.

I also take my empty pints over to the bar

^^^ This on the other hand is totally fine and something everyone should do.

[Neville Chamberlain]

Yeah, come on, I've never done it in a "Oi, stupid waiter/waitress, look I've done your job for you, you stupid lazy arse, now take my stack and begone, you shit". I only ever did it to be helpful, and because a) I've noticed many a waiter/waitress pick up all the plates individually and then stack them before my very eyes before taking them away; and b) because at home I always find it easiest and quickest to transport a stack of plates to the kitchen when clearing the table if there are a few of us over for dinner or whatever. Maybe Blue Jam goes to posher restaurants than me, where "stackers" are frowned upon.

I also eat the plates clean and never leave leftovers, but I suppose that's frowned upon as well in waiter/waitress circles for some unknown, arcane reason.

[Neville Chamberlain]

And when I've finished my pint, I just lob the empty glass towards the bar and shout for a refill.

[Dr Trouser]

^^^ This on the other hand is totally fine and something everyone should do.

My father in law won't take his empties to the bar as apparently when he was in Ireland during the 70s, it gave you away as a brit, since the IRA don't return empty glasses. Or he is just really lazy but very good at making excuses, not sure, maybe I can tweet Gerry Adams and get this confirmed?

[Neville Chamberlain]

I read something fairly recently about a restaurant or cafe or something that got fined for asking guests to take their used cutlery/plates/glasses etc. to a special designated area because this technically constituted slave labour. I think that was in France.

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

Don't stack plates.
Drop cutlery on floor once finished with.
Eat flowers/drink water from vase.
Wipe mouth/arse with table cloth.
Belch obscenities.
Tip Zimbabwean dollars.
Zero star reviews before the starters arrive.
Bring own hosepipe and asked to be connected to mains.
Send food back before arrives at table.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I think I've gotten confused in pubs before and taken my plate back.

I've been known to return plates in greasy spoons as well though.

[Butchers Blind]

No!  This is why I eat out so I don' t have to do that fucking shit. 

[holyzombiejesus]

********************************FASCINATING POP FACT********************************

When my ex worked in a cafe, Gerry Love from Teenage Fanclub used to come in and he'd take his plate back to the actual counter when he was finished.

********************************FASCINATING POP FACT********************************

[marquis_de_sad]

Do you stack the dirty dishes when eating out?

Depends on who I'm eating out.

[Blue Jam]

I think the manners you describe are out of date sadly.

While I wouldn't expect everyone to instinctively know which knife and fork to use if they were at a ten-course state banquet with the Queen, I would have thought the "knife and fork resting together at an angle on the plate" thing was basic etiquette that was common knowledge.

I certainly never thought of it as "old-fashioned", but perhaps you're right. I have seen online discussions about whether it's alright for parents to bring their own food to a restaurant if, for example, their kids are fussy eaters and there's a risk they'll kick off and have a tantrum if the menu doesn't feature cheese sandwiches. Also this article by Eva Wiseman in The Guardian about bringing her own croissant to a cafe. I just don't know what sort of person thinks it's acceptable to take up a seat in a restaurant or cafe, get waited on, and have someone clear up after them when they haven't paid a single penny for the privilege.

I'd make an exception for paying parents with babies who can't eat solid food yet and can be fed from a jar or a pouch of baby food without making much mess, but do none of these other people notice how many restaurants go out of business and feel the tiniest pang of guilt? I also don't know why someone would go to a restaurant when they don't like the look of anything on the menu, or the children's menu- why do these people even bother going to restaurants in the first place?

The pub equivalent is nursing a pint while using the wifi for three hours... or maybe it's popping into a pub just to use the toilets without buying anything. I had thought the latter was a complete no-no, just not the done thing in British pubs at least, until I worked in one... and a few weeks ago I was in a certain pub which hasn't been doing too well lately, and the only other people who came in were one woman whose child needed the toilet (they didn't have a licence for children, and the barman reluctantly let them in while looking a bit nervous) and one man who came in from a nearby shop asking for change of a twenty pound note (without having to buy anything with it). I won't be surprised if it closes down soon, but I will be a bit angry.

Isn't there a TMWRNJ sketch where Simon Quinlank tries to demonstrate his "Using A Pub Toilet Without Buying A Drink" hobby, but gets caught out by an angry barman? That seems dated now.