Hi IT

[New Jack]

Hi IT

Have you got a spare iPhone charger? What do you mean, no? I'm going to the directors about this!

(Sadly real. This was at IBM - who did not issue iPhones)

[seepage]

Hi IT, when will the release be finished? I'm very hot & sticky for you right now.

[Bhazor]

Hey Techbitch, what the fuck?

[New Jack]

High, IT?

-Yeah
*click*

[petril]

Hi IT,

I just shat myself on purpose. This is you're fault

[New Jack]

Hi IT
There's a shit blocking up the shitter. I tried to break it apart with a jet of piss, but the shit is still in the shitter stinking of shit.

So I had to shit in the urinal. Please sort cheers

[New Jack]

Hi IT.
Pop in when you can, I'm free in an hour then off to Majorca!

[New Jack]

Hi IT

No, no of course I see it's my fault. Look, you've opened my eyes. However can I repay you? Meatspace IS fallible. Cheers mate, really. This routine password reset call has been something else

[Spoon of Ploff]

Hi IT

I'm IT too.

It's good to know I'm not alone.

[New Jack]

HI IT,

Has the new boy proper started yet? He promised my laptop would be fixed today when I cornered him in the disableds, and frankly HR expect results toot sweet

[New Jack]

Hi IT

I deleted everything from payroll's Access database
Yeah I know it's payday why do ythinkam ringing?
Over to you, I've let the company president know there will be no issues also the Queen is visiting and we are all going out to dinner, all us in payroll too are Ay Eff Kay as you lot say!!
Get your debit card handy if you can't sort it for fuck's sa-
-Thanks a ton!!

[dallasman]

Hi IT, have you heard about this petition?



They have apparently been phoning up every major name in Silicon Valley trash talking you, and are starting a Patreon to raise money for a rock opera disparaging your performance. We at Legal are prepared to take action on your behalf at any point, just say the word.

Yours,

Legal

[Spoon of Ploff]

Hi IT...



Are you still there?


I'm just defragging some old memory banks... Wanted to hear another human voice.


But a recording will do.



Nice. Thank you.

[seepage]

Hi IT
If I plug the 'phone into the back of the monitor, can I do a video conference?

[Spoon of Ploff]

Hi IT.

Are you on overtime this weekend like me?

I'm having to take backups and upload them to the cloud.


Sometime I think they'll upload my job to the cloud soon. Imagine that?

Anyway. Have a nice weekend IT.

[seepage]

Hi IT
If you ever form a band, I've a great name for you: 'Ed Crash and the Disk Drives' - ha ha! geddit!?

[New Jack]

Hi IT

I've decided to anthropomorphise my laptop - so I can say it has a personal vendetta, it doesn't like me!

Yes I know you've already investigated and found no issue. Well that's because the inanimate object LIKES YOU! It hates me.

My microwave has a grudge too since you ask...

[New Jack]

Hey there IT

Just checking someone's there in case I need you. Oh, no, no problems here, haven't started yet, no today I'm doing nothing special *click*

(from my Reality Series ©)

[New Jack]

Hello?

Yes my card won't go through I want to buy an iPhone

Yes I'm a member of the public, the salesman said you would fix it.

(New Jack gets the shop assistant back on and advises the bank is returning a message about insufficient funds which is not a technical error and may I remind you this is a private fucking internal line for employees only)

(from my Carphone Warehouse reality series)

[New Jack]

Hi IT

Do you ever think that being so openly negative about your industry experiences might be a clue as to why you're unemployed?

Oh and my desk drawer is locked and I can't find the key, fix it ASAP

[New Jack]

Hi IT

The birds in Marketing are gagging for a shag off absolutely anyone, so I need you to come along and set my out of office message.

[New Jack]

Hi IT,

I bet you've been featured in LoveIT! Magazine!

IT: that's a terrible thing to say

[seepage]

To avoid any connection with that magazine, we've dropped the 'I' and renamed ourselves 'Technology'. We've gone flipping Agile now as well.

[New Jack]

Hi IT

I need all my data removed from the cloud by end of business.

Yeah I know it's Saturday. Any cloud. Every cloud.