School careers prophecies...

[Ian Drunken Smurf]

A school photo from 1988-89 has just popped up on Bookface. Inspiring the accompanying tagathon and reheating of spite pent up for at least 25 years.

One of the follow-ups has been to laugh about what school suggested for careers, some of the tests we did (there was one on a BBC B about preferred jobs (e.g. Stockbroker or Chef, farmer or nuclear physicist) and another was the Morrisby Test which proved that I struggled to draw backwards S-es at high speed. Can anyone remember what pieces of stellar careers advice they got. And did anyone follow the advice?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

We had a test, a test on a computer, and after the test it gave you the result.

The software was called Live Jasmin and I got CamSlut

[Neville Chamberlain]

Haha, yes, I remember doing these tests. I did about three and no matter what information I put in, the system always came back with "Prison officer".

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

While trying to hook up work experience aged 14, all the good ones locally:

Drain Artist
Distraction Corpse
Binocular Operative
Log
Pain Sponge
Car Twat

Were quickly taken by the most eager pupils.

[Sebastian Cobb]

First question--

"If I could be any animal, I would be:

"a) a carpenter ant

"b) a nurse shark

or, c) a lawyer bird."

[Pijlstaart]

I got accounting assistant with a grand salary of 16k. You are a small man and you will live in a small house. Could still happen, mind. You will have a fat wife called babs who will publicly ridicule you and you'll develop progressively duller hobbies so she won't want to spend time with you. imagine telling that to a child, it is hateful.

[paruses]

Haha, yes, I remember doing these tests. I did about three and no matter what information I put in, the system always came back with "Prison officer".

Yep that's what the ones I did threw out. That and accountant.

I would probably quite like accountant if I could work on my own in a little office in a provincial town.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I got accounting assistant with a grand salary of 16k. You are a small man and you will live in a small house. Could still happen, mind. You will have a fat wife called babs who will publicly ridicule you and you'll develop progressively duller hobbies so she won't want to spend time with you. imagine telling that to a child, it is hateful.

You Bartleby'd too early.

[Small Man Big Horse]

When I told them I planned to go to college and then on to university they tried to talk me out of it, and suggested I should work in a bank instead. Ah, how I wish I listened, I could be rich by now, rich beyond my wildest dreams.

[Sebastian Cobb]

When I told them I planned to go to college and then on to university they tried to talk me out of it, and suggested I should work in a bank instead. Ah, how I wish I listened, I could be rich by now, rich beyond my wildest dreams.

By the time I was in sixth form they tried to funnel everyone to university. They'd try and suggest even thick kids should go to some ex-poly in the arse-end of nowhere. At that point the only metric that mattered was how many people went on to go to higher education. No wonder degrees ain't what they used to be.

[Icehaven]

I think I actually did get librarian (which I am) quite often, which, seeing as the only subject I was any good at was English and I'd rather clean the sewers than be a teacher, was the most obvious suggestion, and so it came to pass. I also got working in a zoo or as a veterinary assistant because I'd say I'd like to work with animals but I was crap at science so being an actual vet was ruled out.

Maybe my experience was different because I went to a private school but I'm always surprised to hear accounts of careers advisors trying to talk pupils out of going to Uni or even actively sneering at any ambitions other than working on a supermarket checkout. Are they sponsored by Tesco or something? I mean maybe now it's wise to think about the amount of debt you're getting into by going to Uni, however in the past when it was either free or considerably less un-free than it is now it's ridiculous they were actively trying to discourage people from at least trying to go, if they didn't get the A level results or whatever then fine, go to work instead but why try and stop them from even trying?

[Shit Good Nose]

By the time I was in sixth form they tried to funnel everyone to university. They'd try and suggest even thick kids should go to some ex-poly in the arse-end of nowhere. At that point the only metric that mattered was how many people went on to go to higher education. No wonder degrees ain't what they used to be.

Ditto.

Trouble was I didn't particularly want to spend another four or five years in education doing a degree in something go-to like media studies because I had no idea what I wanted to do when I grew up, so I ignored that advice figuring I may as well get a job and be earning money whilst not knowing what to do.

Going by most of my contemporaries who went to uni but just doing degrees in stuff which wasn't very vocational, I think I made the right decision.

[The Lurker]

By the time I was in sixth form they tried to funnel everyone to university. They'd try and suggest even thick kids should go to some ex-poly in the arse-end of nowhere. At that point the only metric that mattered was how many people went on to go to higher education. No wonder degrees ain't what they used to be.

Yep, same. Our year was sent to the library to do our UCAS applications, I - and a few others - didn't know yet what we wanted to do at uni so our powermad head of year just said to me, "just pick whatever subject you like the most at A Level" which seemed like a blaise attitude on how to spend the next three years of your life and potentially your future career.

As for the school career prophecies, I can only remember two options: florist and white van driver. The latter seemed a pretty strange choice for someone who was yet to even have a driving lesson, nevermind pass their test.

I never went into either job though, nor did I actually end up doing the subject I most liked doing at A Level at university so presumably, my college now thinks I'm a massive failure or something.

[Sebastian Cobb]

"we saw you liked ogling women and reading the Daily Star and thought 'he might like to do those things from the cab of a transit'"

[a duncandisorderly]

1970s teesside. the careers person would point out of the window at a not-very-distant ICI wilton or redcar british steel & say "or teaching, or a shop".
seriously.

any notions we might have had about going past the local 6th form into higher education were scoffed at: "you'll need exceptional grades to get into any university".

mercifully, the 6th form were slightly more progressive (though ironically closer to the aforementioned industry dinosaurs), but we often heard tales of local lads, older brothers of mates, who'd done their four-years (inc. a year 'in the industry') physics degree or whatever, & were now back in cleveland somewhere working an x-ray machine in a hospital.

those of us that actually escaped the area & got decent jobs in the meejah or whatever feel a mixture of vindication & a sense of what it's like to be an economic exile.

(when I was at college in bromley, doing a specialised HND in communications engineering & which led directly to work as a video engineer for various broadcasters, I would routinely, regularly & non-humorously be asked why I wasn't down a coalmine.)


[edit- this reads like intellectual snobbery, a bit, doesn't it? sigh...]

[Ian Drunken Smurf]

There was a careers fair at school and Relyon beds used to always turn up (as they were local and a big employer). Invariably angling at the "engineering types". Mate from school was suggested to be a pilot (with his wanking-induced short-sightedness) and ended up working in pensions. Another mate was told accountant no matter what tests he did and is now a landscape gardener. A lot of the farmers' sons went into the family farm via agricultural college.

[thenoise]

I always loved maths, did the Olympiad and all that nerd shit, was in the chess/bridge teams and all that shit.  Excelled at all subjects other than PE which I was absolutely appalling at, despite not being fat, was skinny and constantly cold and the bigger boys used to knock me over.  Had a Cambridge offer to study maths and dreamed of a life in academia.

Computer told me I should be a deep sea diver.

Well joke's on them because I am living my dreams working part time in a cafe!

[JesusAndYourBush]

I remember some shit test where it asked a bunch of questions and suggested jobs.  One of the questions was asking if you liked animals.  If you said yes it suggested a job connected with animals, unfortunately the only job it had in its list involving animals was abattoir worker.
Like animals?  Go and kill them!  Thanks shit test.

[Neville Chamberlain]

There was a careers fair at school and Relyon beds used to always turn up (as they were local and a big employer).

Blimey, are you in Wellington?

[seepage]

King crab fisherman
Firefighting parachutist
Comms tower-climber
...
IT admin bloke

[Small Man Big Horse]

Maybe my experience was different because I went to a private school but I'm always surprised to hear accounts of careers advisors trying to talk pupils out of going to Uni or even actively sneering at any ambitions other than working on a supermarket checkout. Are they sponsored by Tesco or something? I mean maybe now it's wise to think about the amount of debt you're getting into by going to Uni, however in the past when it was either free or considerably less un-free than it is now it's ridiculous they were actively trying to discourage people from at least trying to go, if they didn't get the A level results or whatever then fine, go to work instead but why try and stop them from even trying?

I was surprised too as back then student grants still existed, and none of my friends received such advice. I had spent time in a psychiatric institution by that point though so maybe they'd seen my file and didn't think I'd be able to hack university or something, but working for a bank would have troubled my fragile brain far more than going to uni.

[Icehaven]

I was surprised too as back then student grants still existed, and none of my friends received such advice. I had spent time in a psychiatric institution by that point though so maybe they'd seen my file and didn't think I'd be able to hack university or something, but working for a bank would have troubled my fragile brain far more than going to uni.

Quite, and contrasts sharply with just a few years later when, as other posters describe, they were trying to shoehorn everyone into Uni wether it was right for them or not. Maybe your school was in cahoots (or 'Coutts' even. Sorry.) with a local bank, had promised them a number of fresh apprentii and thought you'd be easily pushed anywhere due to your previous issues.

What experience/training do you need to be a careers advisor? I know they famously have these computers that make the (often bizarre) suggestions but the actual people must still have some input, not least in actually talking to the advisee. Are they just shown how to use the program then more or less left to get on with it (and to unavoidably apply their own arbitrary judgments) or is there a bit more to it?

[Huxleys Babkins]

I wanted to design racing cars so the careers advisor decided the best thing to do was A-levels in maths, physics and art. Unfortunately the art block of the college was a 20 minute bus journey away so there was no way I could do it.

I tried to work out an alternative with the careers advisor at the college and he was certain I needed to do the art to make it work, so I might want to look at a different career.

In hindsight, of course I didn't need the fucking art. Nobody's designed a car with a pencil since about 1998.

[ASFTSN]

"Based on your test results you will be successful."

[a duncandisorderly]

I wanted to design racing cars so the careers advisor decided the best thing to do was A-levels in maths, physics and art. Unfortunately the art block of the college was a 20 minute bus journey away so there was no way I could do it.

I tried to work out an alternative with the careers advisor at the college and he was certain I needed to do the art to make it work, so I might want to look at a different career.

In hindsight, of course I didn't need the fucking art. Nobody's designed a car with a pencil since about 1998.

[Hobo With A Shit Pun]

The magic questionnaire-to-life-sentence software we used at my school was called "SCAMP". After ticking a long list of boxed, SCAMP told sixteen year old me that he should be (1) A writer, (2) an actor, (3) A director. None of the questions had been "Do you possess any talent at all in this highly competitive and often dispiriting fields?", so I guessed at the time that the only real impression it had captured of me was "wouldn't like a proper job."

[Dex Sawash]

My sister claims to have gotten heavy equipment operator or ballet dancer

[Captain Z]

All I remember was everyone trying to pick the answers that would lead to 'fish farm manager'.

[Ian Drunken Smurf]

Blimey, are you in Wellington?

Was in Taunton. Now living in Austria...

[VelourSpirit]

Yep, same. Our year was sent to the library to do our UCAS applications, I - and a few others - didn't know yet what we wanted to do at uni so our powermad head of year just said to me, "just pick whatever subject you like the most at A Level" which seemed like a blaise attitude on how to spend the next three years of your life and potentially your future career.

That's what I did, then I dropped out of uni because I hated it and it was too much money and I'm now absolutely terrified of my future. What do people do if they haven't got degrees? I feel like I can't risk uni again.