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March 28, 2024, 11:47:04 AM

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Absolutely pisspoor British films

Started by Mark Steels Stockbroker, August 06, 2018, 11:21:11 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

kidsick5000

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on September 30, 2018, 08:59:31 PM
Saw a corker last night. Imagine if BBC3 made a film based on the "I like old movies" dating ad, targeted at Britpop fans who found Skins a bit deep.

Modern Life is Rubbish (2017)

There's a particularly brilliant bit near the start where our hero, Liam, goes up to a girl in a record shop and berates her for buying Blur's Greatest Hits. He goes on a rant about how you need to "earn Parklife" by buying their earlier albums so you can chart their musical development and ends it by stating "I just fucking love Blur!" It also includes 2 of my favourite film cliches; a mysterious figure emerging from the shadows sarcastically clapping, and home made things far beyond the capabilities of the creator (in this case, a bespoke view master slide).

I wouldn't want to watch it, but I'm Fascinated by how much story you can fit into such a short space of time. That's the entire film there.

At one point does he smash a (gallery exhibit) heart on the ground?

holyzombiejesus

Yeah! Prompted by his girlfriend buying an ipod, he berates everyone present for being soulless squares and then smashes one of the exhibits! You find out later that his anger was due to no record labels wanting to sign his band, Head Cleaner.

holyzombiejesus

His girlfriend leaves him and he takes the break up real hard. He writes a song about the ex, called My Liquorice Allsorts Girl and they have one last chance to get signed by playing at an open mic night but Liam insists on paying MLAS and starts crying. He thinks he's fucked it up but the clip ("crying guitarist") goes viral. There's another good bit where he pontificates about that 'secret' magazine hidden behind the tray of a Radiohead CD. Oh yeah, he gets really angry about decaf lattes as well as ipods.

holyzombiejesus

He first tells his girlfriend he loves her at a Vaccines gig.

Phil_A

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on September 30, 2018, 08:59:31 PM
Saw a corker last night. Imagine if BBC3 made a film based on the "I like old movies" dating ad, targeted at Britpop fans who found Skins a bit deep.

Modern Life is Rubbish (2017)

There's a particularly brilliant bit near the start where our hero, Liam, goes up to a girl in a record shop and berates her for buying Blur's Greatest Hits. He goes on a rant about how you need to "earn Parklife" by buying their earlier albums so you can chart their musical development and ends it by stating "I just fucking love Blur!" It also includes 2 of my favourite film cliches; a mysterious figure emerging from the shadows sarcastically clapping, and home made things far beyond the capabilities of the creator (in this case, a bespoke view master slide).

Hilariously, judging by the list of bands mentioned at the end it looks like there's no actual Blur music in the film, is that right?

holyzombiejesus

No Blur, no. Plenty of Head Cleaner though.

a duncandisorderly

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on September 30, 2018, 11:02:16 PM
No Blur, no. Plenty of Head Cleaner though.

it's a great name for a band. I think the 80s might want it back though.

[watches trailer- dear god, that is fucking piss-poor.]

Phil_A

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on September 30, 2018, 11:02:16 PM
No Blur, no. Plenty of Head Cleaner though.

Amazing. A bit like doing a film called Anarchy In The UK and not licencing the Sex Pistols.

thraxx

Is there any irony in the fact a new fangled You Tube clip gets them their fame?  I love the fact that the band, who are presumably brilliant? Can't get a deal they end up getting one from an open mic night. First deals are notoriously shite, how shit must one from an open mic night be? Apart from the real and heady days of britpop, does such thing exist?

Let's hope there is a sequel:

Definitely Maybe: featuring the music of Scouting For Girls.

holyzombiejesus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oo_c_SdXkrU

Nice clip of Head Cleaner's first gig. That bloke that comes on stage to introduce them (and for some reason joins in on tambourine) is the mysterious manager figure that I mentioned earlier (the one who emerges from the shadows, slow clapping).


Sebastian Cobb

So it's a shite photocopy of something out of nick hornby's bin?

holyzombiejesus

If Nick Hornby was writing for E4, yes.


Rich Uncle Skeleton

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on August 26, 2018, 10:28:49 PM
We all still like Nick Frost though, right?  I mean he was literally the only good thing about World's End...

Agreed. Thought it was a rubbish film (not really pisspoor or anything but nowhere near as good as it should have been) and he's the only thing I remember liking in the whole thing.

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on September 30, 2018, 08:59:31 PM
Saw a corker last night. Imagine if BBC3 made a film based on the "I like old movies" dating ad, targeted at Britpop fans who found Skins a bit deep.

Modern Life is Rubbish (2017)

There's a particularly brilliant bit near the start where our hero, Liam, goes up to a girl in a record shop and berates her for buying Blur's Greatest Hits. He goes on a rant about how you need to "earn Parklife" by buying their earlier albums so you can chart their musical development and ends it by stating "I just fucking love Blur!" It also includes 2 of my favourite film cliches; a mysterious figure emerging from the shadows sarcastically clapping, and home made things far beyond the capabilities of the creator (in this case, a bespoke view master slide).

Can't tell if my face is red out of second hand embarrassment or sheer rage reading that.

holyzombiejesus

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on September 30, 2018, 08:59:31 PM
There's a particularly brilliant bit near the start where our hero, Liam, goes up to a girl in a record shop and berates her for buying Blur's Greatest Hits. He goes on a rant about how you need to "earn Parklife" by buying their earlier albums so you can chart their musical development and ends it by stating "I just fucking love Blur!"

Ace, this very clip is on Youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxW-cr8Qy1Y&t=34s

Phil_A

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on October 01, 2018, 07:35:58 PM
Ace, this very clip is on Youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxW-cr8Qy1Y&t=34s

"I LIKE AWLD MOVIES, LIKE THE GODFATHER PART FWEE"

That's what that scene reminds me of, that most hated of adverts.

holyzombiejesus

Quote from: Phil_A on October 01, 2018, 08:12:39 PM
"I LIKE AWLD MOVIES, LIKE THE GODFATHER PART FWEE"

That's what that scene reminds me of, that most hated of adverts.

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on September 30, 2018, 08:59:31 PM
Imagine if BBC3 made a film based on the "I like old movies" dating ad, targeted at Britpop fans who found Skins a bit deep.



marquis_de_sad

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on October 01, 2018, 07:35:58 PM
Ace, this very clip is on Youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxW-cr8Qy1Y&t=34s

I keep pausing it but I still haven't managed to get through the whole clip.

non capisco

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on October 01, 2018, 07:35:58 PM
Ace, this very clip is on Youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxW-cr8Qy1Y&t=34s

Oh my word.

When he says "their oeuvre"

When she says "I already own all the Blur canon". (Spoiler, sorry)

That is exquisitely shit.

MY COUSIN WAS ONE OF THER ROADIES ACTUALLAHHHHH


non capisco

No, no, no, you don't want The Best Of Paul Young. You've got to go back to his shit with Streetband. Preferably on vinyl. You've got to experience his musical odyssey. This is a hodge podge, it's not even in order of release. You've got to earn 'No Parlez.'

non capisco

I ALREADY OWN PAUL YOUNG'S CANON, MY COUSIN IS ZUCCHERO ACTUALAHHHH

kidsick5000

Quote from: Phil_A on October 01, 2018, 07:30:20 AM
Amazing. A bit like doing a film called Anarchy In The UK and not licencing the Sex Pistols.

Wasn't there a Hendrix biopic that failed to secure any Hendrix tracks.
https://film.avclub.com/a-lack-of-hendrix-songs-isn-t-the-big-problem-with-jimi-1798181402

Admittedly, that treatment does make me curious about it. The Hendrix film - not this britpop contraceptive .

EDIT TO SAY

HOLY CRAP! I did not realise that Modern Rubbish was made last year! Did not clock it before. I thought it was some early-mid 2000s attempt at a brit-pop cash-in

Famous Mortimer

Quote from: Bronzy on August 07, 2018, 02:16:00 AM
Rise of the Footsoldier 3.

I genuinely don't know if they're self-aware and deliberately making it hilariously shit or they're just so clueless they think it's "propa fackin' brilliant", but I really hope it's the former.

It's almost like a parody of British gangster films, it exaggerates every cliche to a cartoonish level.
I presume many people on here will be delighted to learn that "Rise of the Footsoldier 4: Marbella" is now out, with the title perhaps being a clue they've finally moved on from darkly lit Essex dirt tracks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pr7IkS3IgXY

Having never seen any of the other ones, this looks at least tolerable, so will probably be the worst of the lot. They did have the cash to licence "Blue Monday" too, a fee which equals the budget of the last three movies combined.

beanheadmcginty

Thanks for reminding me. Gonna watch this later. I would've gone to the cinema but the only one showing it is in Romford.

pigamus

Sees thread

Thinks Mad Cows

Literally second post in thread

Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: pigamus on November 10, 2019, 06:15:48 PM
Sees thread

Thinks Mad Cows

Literally second post in thread

It's always good to meet another survivor.

marquis_de_sad

Are any of these so bad it's good or are they all just so bad it's bad?


buzby

Quote from: Famous Mortimer on November 10, 2019, 05:39:06 PM
Having never seen any of the other ones, this looks at least tolerable, so will probably be the worst of the lot. They did have the cash to licence "Blue Monday" too, a fee which equals the budget of the last three movies combined.
The first instalment had Borstal Breakout, French Kiss, Voodoo Ray and We Are The Roadcrew on it's soundtrack.

Famous Mortimer

Quote from: buzby on November 11, 2019, 12:56:04 PM
The first instalment had Borstal Breakout, French Kiss, Voodoo Ray and We Are The Roadcrew on it's soundtrack.
Four songs not as famous or anywhere near as expensive to licence as "Blue Monday", I guess (and I was being entirely facetious).